Thursday, January 5, 2017

When he is right... A prayer for a marriage.

So this blog is a little different.   This blog is me, apologizing to my husband but also being real and transparent because maybe there is another wife out there who just needs to read this and share it with her husband and seek his forgiveness as well. 
Jesus Calling for today -- about failures!

I have avoided typing this out -- but I must.  Today when my hubby was reading our little daily devotional the author reminded us that we can't worry about tomorrow and used the passage of the Hebrews in the wilderness and how God provided the manna needed for that day.

I had been worrying about something.   I had allowed this worry to overtake  too much of my time. And with that worrying, I may have pushed another away or created a situation that was not very 'christlike'.   And, it frustrated my husband. 

God's Word reminded me  that He gives me  the grace  and  has provided sufficiently for me  today.
That is the same for you.  

Tomorrow is tomorrow and we are not to worry about tomorrow - for today is the present.  The story tells about how those wandering in the wilderness tried to store up and save some of the  extra manna because they did not have the faith to trust God -- the  extra manna rotted!   See Exodus 16.

So -- today -- trust God.  Cast all cares upon Him and He will sustain us.
 Or, our thoughts can sort of become rotten as well!  

Today I had a moment where there was a big revelation.   My thinking,  which really was my pride,  was ROTTEN!    Something kept coming back to my mind and the enemy was working overtime trying to get me to grab the bait.  I held strong in most situations but in a weak and feeble moment I found myself thinking and then praying --

 Sometimes in this daily banter of being married,  my pride or my head stops and thinks that I am the glue that is responsible for everything and its me and my faith and obedience that covers my husband.    I am the more spiritual and it is because of my faith that we are where we are today.  And,   that is  pride cause I can hear myself think, "I was the created for my husband and God took favor on him when God blessed Brendan with me".

And my prayers sound like ---

"Lord, he does not get it.  It certainly seems like I carry this marriage and my faith covers him.  Does he see ...........?  Can he just understand.......... ? Wouldn't it be better if ...........................?  See, I knew he would not .................. And really, why am I always the one who.............?" 


 Then God.


Long story short, I would rather be disciplined by God -- he is gentle and merciful and never reminds me of my junk, but when God uses your husband to correct or right a situation and he does not extend the amount of GRACE that "I " believe is needed -- well, it is what it is and it is not easy.  

My sister sent me this:  

Marriage has unique power to show us the truth of who we really are.  
Marriage has unique power to redeem our past  and heal our self-image through love.  
Marriage has the power to show us the grace of what God did for us in  Jesus Christ. 

In Ephesians 5, Paul tells us that Jesus laid down his life for us, forgiving us at great cost to make us something beautiful.  And because he has done it for us, we can do the same for others.  

Our sins hurt Jesus infinitely more than your spouse's sins hurt you.  You may feel your spouse is crucifying you, but sins really did put Jesus on the cross, yet he forgave us.    - Timothy Keller 


So this evening as I type out this prayer, I hope that God will use this to teach or remind another that indeed -- You were created for your husband -- but he was created for you.

I realize that many marriages are not perfect.  Wait -- NO marriage is perfect.  It certainly seems like some couples around us "ARE" perfect and they seem to have it together, but I am reminded of how so often we have one face that appears to smile to everyone on the outside;  and so many of us just keep what is really going on within out hearts -- to ourselves.

Marriage is hard.  At our year 22, 23, 24 -- we were in a BIG crisis and I longed for a better relationship with him and a better marriage and by our  23rd, I did not think we would make it to our 24th.   Our 25th came and it was a miracle and  since then each one is unique and different, but we are NOT the same people today compared to 28 years ago or ever six months ago.

Marriage is truly something  that  teaches  unconditional love.   I realize children and heartache  may teach us  about ourselves and love as well -- but there is something to be said about a marriage  union that  has lasted longer than 10-15 years.....

If by chance,  you have that 'almost perfect' marriage,  where you both get along,  feel very satisfied,  and enjoy each other 24 /7,  then,  I pray that you are mentoring others and speaking life into those around you  -- as YOU are a miracle and  YOU ARE needed in working for God!

But if your marriage is struggling or suffering a bit right now -- be reminded that God has not left you. If you believe your marriage is totally lost or bleeding without any hope to be repaired -- there is still HOPE.   There is!!    It can be repaired.  It can be better than it ever was.  It can be redeemed.

Lord, I love you and come to you right now , as you know,  all the words and thoughts that have been going around and around in my head this past few days.  You saw the worry I had for a few days  now and I know you spoke RIGHT to my head and heart and reminded me that "you were big enough"  -- so please forgive me again, as my temporary lapse  got the best of me.  

Lord, forgive me for allowing my selfishness and pride to get me to a place, where  I felt,  I was the best thing for him.....rather than the thought that he could be the BEST thing for me.   So often Lord, one of the marriage partners believes the other loves them less -- this is a LIE from the enemy and the evil one uses it to build up pride.   He also uses it to divide!   Lord, for the lies I allowed to grace my thoughts that "men just don't get it".   Lord, you get it and as I know and believe that my husband has the mind of Christ then -- he gets it too -- cause YOU created it!   

Lord, I forgive him for not reading what I needed him to read and affirm me on.    Lord, I forgive him for the words that he said innocently but landed on me like arrows.   Lord, I forgive him for not being and doing what "I felt" he should have  and now Lord, I pray that I will forgive myself as well - as I know you have forgiven me - over and over.   

Lord, forgive me for allowing the problems of the world  to come before my first priority  -- my relationship with YOU.  However, Lord, Brendan needs to be right there -- second after you -- and before my needs.   And Lord, thank you for this am.   His prayer for me, this am,  covered everything.  Lord, his words were so sweet and they covered me.   I heard YOU Lord through him -- but I am honest Lord -- I NEED to hear that more often.  And I know - as I type this out, I can hear Holy Spirit sing to me loudly - "if you want that from him, why aren't you doing that over him?".   I get it Lord... I hear..... yes, you know I know that I need to pray over him as well, but I have allowed the enemy to sell me a lie again and just got scared.  But God...  I plead with you, don't leave me and Holy Spirit -- hold me accountable.   But seriously Lord, I am thankful for waterproof mascara and again -- his prayer was my direct hug from you.  Thank you.  

And Lord,  after my little fuss  again this evening-- or as my husband stated, "my whinny and pissy mode and ramblings" -- I did hear what he said.  Trusting you.  What was the reason I slipped back into a old mind set??   I am not sure, but I will pray and believe we won't revisit that old mind set again.  

So, Lord, for the wife reading this  -- God ONLY you can make this, "make sense" to her.  I pray this blog was not in vain.  I pray it will allow another that may think "she has  it all together" see and know -- I don't, but I know the one who does -- YOU LORD!   

Lord, bless our marriage -- we will celebrate 30 years this August.  I am praying now for  a celebration and I pray that we would be an example of YOUR divine love and unconditional love -- not only  to each other but to those around us.  We want to share your love and encourage another to believe that indeed - YOU can repair, redeem and restore ANY marriage.  IN Jesus name, Amen.! 

That was the fancy prayer.  
What BP wanted to hear -- short and sweet is this:  

Bren - you are right.  I have to practice what I preach.  Please forgive me.  IJN. Amen.

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