Monday, March 31, 2014

I suffered from Idolatry as well...


THIS is a link to a blog post that I follow now.  I tried my best to 'verify' who writes this, I am pretty sure it is a woman but as I did more research this evening - it could be a man.  It caught my attention when this blogger posted a blog about 'why' she was not going to see the Son of God Movie which I shared on Facebook.
That blog peaked my interest and I began to read other articles.
Since then -- myself...and about 600 others have signed up to follow this blog.  So...
Today when the link came, I quickly read it and was blessed.

I had to check my blog could easily  become an  idol to me. I want to write, I want to use what God did for me to share with others.........but.....

Yesterday was an extremely HARD day.  I blogged last night - by this morning over 80 people had read it and then I was convicted....and prayed and the Holy Spirit reminded me...

 - not EVERY experience that happens in my home is a 'teaching' lesson...
-not EVERYone wants to be reminded of stuff...
and .....God wants me to practice what I preach and stay focused on the FUTURE....

So, I deleted the post.  It really was a blog for my own self...not for public view.  So, I prayed this evening that God would protect it.  God knew my intention of the blog - was to help show another that I too ....still have to speak life and not allow the enemy to get any glory.

And then God gave me a sweet friend to talk to and she had a similar experience to share and I could hear the Holy Spirit speak through her ...sometimes we just need to listen to our men.  Amen.  And realize...that men and women ARE different.  And when our men say, 'it is over'....whether it is a conversation about the weather, or children, or something really deep ...we must trust that GOD is speaking to them as well.  Amen!

So, with that -- the 'idol' of WANTING to write and being laid at the Cross...and I will use my discernment.  ( Truth be told, as I was writing last night, I knew that I knew, the blog was not to be shared.....but my FLESH was so frustrated! )

I learn.
My lesson.
My bad....LOL

Thank you Lord for the reminder and the forgiveness!

God spoke to me loudly yesterday as the enemy attacked.
But yesterday is OVER and today was a better day....despite the fact that the consequences of my frustrations brought upon a major headache.  I believe I was reminded -- it could of been avoided.

That is my trouble at times....I am too quick to react.  Too quick to judge....Too quick to jump in and declare....but on the other hand, God has reminded me often that when HE wants me to be quick and I am....HE honors that and protects my mess ups.   ( Did that make sense?  - probably not)  I just know, that I needed a reminder to run EVERYTHING past my Editor above and trust the Holy Spirit within me to respond.  But I have to SEEK that confirmation ...not allow my flesh to 'win'.

So...back to the blog link....
This author is quite versed in 'being in my head' - and today, he or she HIT it right!   Idols....

I hope you will visit the site and enjoy some of the other blog posts.

- michelle

praying for a marriage - mine and others...

Lord God....I am asking you today to speak to each of the wives and husbands that are on my mind....that may read this blog prayer, and for myself...
Lord God, I pray that we will ALL be still to hear your voice and allow YOU to fill our hearts with life and peace.
Lord God, may you be first...not our marriage...not our problems...not our heartache...but YOU -
Lord God, may we worship you and not our spouses or problems...
Lord God, I know you desire to walk with me -- but too often we are too busy to listen and walk slowly with you - God, I pray for each one that reads this today -- that they will make a point of walking slower and listening more intently....
Lord God, I pray that each person within these marriages will submit wholeheartedly to YOU the Lord - the living God.
Lord God - that each of these people....individually will put YOU first and make YOU their first love....and submit to You and your lead and that YOU may be their highest priority.
Lord God, as these couples work on issues....speak to each other.....and move forward...and as a few of them learn that YOU can redeem them....I pray peace and joy over their circumstance...may they find you in the quietness of their thoughts -- and may they STAY there.
Lord God, I pray they will put You first - amen.  

This morning I was reminded that - GOD wins and HE has a great plan -- HE designed marriage and HE designed it well......HE fully wants everyone to enjoy the fruits and benefits of a healthy marriage - God my desire is that this focus and these prayers will encourage just ONE couple -- to persist!  


Thursday, March 27, 2014

I am...

  Sherry and I hosted our 3rd Cell Group Meeting  this evening.  If you are in Okeechobee and you don't go to a church or have not plugged into a small group /bible study of some sort -- I will invite you to join ours.  We meet on Thursdays, at 6:30 pm at our Insurance Office.   ( Pritchards & Associates ) We are usually done by 8:15 but some like to stay and linger...or have some extra  prayer time.

What is Cell Group?   I am a member of Fountain of Life Church, and I am a Cell Pastor.  I have been  trained and have been commissioned by my Pastor(s) to be a mentor/leader for a weekly meeting or a cell meeting.  At a Cell Group - our  mission is to share  God's word and help our 'peeps' relate it to their life.  We want to bring MORE lost souls into the Kingdom of God and so a Cell Group is also outreach and a network of sort.  We eat, pray, talk, share, pray, learn, pray, and eat more...kind of in that order.   And there is a set rule - 'what is said in Vegas stays in Vegas'.  Women need accountability but we also need a safe place to walk out our faith and allow as the Scriptures  say,   'iron sharpens iron'.  We are a group of women - no men.  ( Men have their own cell groups! - My husband meets with his Cell Pastor each Saturday morning at 8:30 am at our Insurance Office - if your husband or boyfriend needs a cell group - join them!)  The direction of the group and our 'lesson' is based upon HOW the Lord leads.

I am VERY excited.   Elated.  Stirred.  Blessed.   ------It is almost 1am and I have  yet to crawl into bed -- I have been writing and writing.  Thinking, praying...and sharing with my husband how tonight presented itself -- well, I can't share everything with him -- but what a joy it is to share what God did.   Again -- this would be a 'secret' prayer of my heart -- God knows I long to be in ministry WITH my man.

 I had a Cell group of young ladies about 2 years ago on Tuesday nights.  My table had anywhere from 5 to 20 girls at one point coming and it was a BLAST.  Speaking LIFE into another is one of the most awesome things I can do for God.  So, tonight, I thought I would share a bit.

 Ok, God -- Unsure if I will  share an update like  this each week, but tonight's time with  these awesome women of God was over the TOP.  So -- God -- I will share a bit and maybe, it will entice another to seek some sisters in Christ or even visit us...THAT YOU are glorified God.   And LORD, THANK you for what you did during our cell group time -- that YOU showed up so beautifully and SPOKE to each heart there - right there...I truly know these ladies left - uplifted and ready for the weekend - righteous in YOU.  

Thank you Lord, 


Here is a bit of a recap of our meeting tonight.

First off, I am an heir.  An heir is a person legally entitled to the property or rank of that other person until that person's death.

So, in Romans 8.37 it basically says I am a joint-heir with Christ.  So, I am a person, legally entitled to the property and rank of I am with Him.  That is like AWESOME !   How can it get better?

I will be blessed as I do HIS word and walk in it.  ( James 1, 22-25)
I am a believer and HIS light shines in me....( 2 Cor 4.4)
I am a spirit being - alive to God. ( Rom 6. 11 )
I am a new creature in Christ ( 2 Cor 5.17)
I am God's workmanship, created in CHrist to do good works. ( Eph 2.10)

and....and....and .... and...THERE are many!

You can really google search or find dozens of web sites that give more verses and studies of WHOM we are in Christ.  I only touched on a few.  But after we looked up several, we each picked an index card and then read the verse 'we picked' and then shared....

Now, WHAT is said and revealed at CELL Group is like Vegas.  You know - 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'...but I have to share just a bit - I believe my ladies won't mind.  THIS is a part of what I could share with my husband.  I want to encourage the ladies that gave up a good 2 hours of their precious time this evening, but I also want to encourage others -- God has THIS for YOU too!

Ok - now to the 'good stuff'.....

  God reminded us --
Michelle, you are alive in Me ( Eph 2.5) as I can tell you get SO Excited about sharing Me with others and you have become more alive in the past few years and it is exciting.  C, it is so pleasing to Me to see you share Your knowledge with others as I am the Greater One living within you.   A, thank you for sharing to the others about how you are free from the law of sin and death ..what prophetic words spoken over you, I believe and know you understand you are free from all of the 'whatever' in the past.   I covered it.  And H, I know you received My Word and You are just beginning to understand how complete you are in Me and Only Me...I am your 'it'.  I am the one that HAS your back. My forgiveness is complete.  K, as you care for so many others you are reminded often of life and death and You have been protected and I have kept the evil one off of you as you are favored.  S, your mind is not only mine - I gave you that gift of funny as you share My word in such a compassionate way I am teaching you and am so proud of you. And M, that peace that I know you experience more often now, is what others will see in you as you walk now in this path of redemption and restoration. Just know I am completely satisfied in you just allowing stuff to transpire right now - you don't have to try and 'do anything' else.  You will be in ministry soon enough - right now, just be still and have peace and let me work.  And Last but not least - T, You were given that gift of righteousness a LONG time ago - it is such a blessing to see you walk in that now.   And T, you don't need to do anything else as well, just continue to walk with me.  I am very pleased with all of you women that believe you are a joint heir with me.
You are some of my prized possessions.  May you all understand WHO you are in Me.  - God

And Lord, I add...for the women that were absent this eve --
For the ones that WANT to come but have not been able to get there --
And for the new ones YOU will bring to our group - GOD - touch them, remind them HOW wonderful they are and righteous -- in YOU - amen.!!

So, as I finish this post this evening - I will just say - THANK YOU heart is full.
May there be a few more that want to join us -- use me Lord, amen.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

NEVER underestimate the God I follow....

  I clearly heard God impress upon me today - something.  HE used the Holy  Spirit and it was so clear -- got those chill bumps and such a feeling of elation.  I was in MEGA prayer for many sisters in Christ and brothers in Christ too that are being SO terribly attacked -- and many of them are being attacked for NO fault of their own -- it is jut the enemy!  And a few may be under the 'gun' cause of consequences of their actions...but as God's Word says, 'it rains on the just and the unjust".    (I never understood that scripture until these last few years!)  But, we are to never under-estimate God.  HE is always continually working and speaking to us -- we  -- as usual-- are not listening.  
Today, as I was praying and seeking  God....I got a vision of a dear friend and she was walking so gracefully -- slowly -- like she was in a procession.  And she was covered in this beautiful Robe of royal purple.  I can see her long hair, braided so....and she had glasses on.  Now, immediately  I felt it was the woman I was praying for, but the Holy Spirit reminded me -- it could be other women too.  It could be me.  HE reminded me, that maybe this vision was for me as well!   When I get a vision like this,  (it does not happen every day!)  I quickly ask God to share with me WHAT it means...and instantly I knew. 
    She, this beautiful woman,  was walking in GRACE and slow -- very methodical -- towards....I think heaven or her destiny, but her head was held high and those glasses represented sight - she KNEW where she was going, and she knew that THIS is the time...and she was fully aware of WHAT she was getting into and she continued to go forward.  
Then I remembered the Story of Ester.  Here is a recap of that Book in the Bible:  
Esther was a young, beautiful, Jewish woman living in Persia. She was unknowingly thrust into one of the greatest stories of all time, due to a very strange turn of events. Esther proved to be a woman of unusual wisdom and courage, facing adversity and wickedness with a quiet confidence and grace. While God is not directly mentioned in this book, His hand and perfect timing are seen in every turn of events. 
Then her story can teach us some lessons:  
Esther saved the Jews. Her life can teach us several vital lessons
1. There is a preparation time.
She allowed herself to be prepared for the task. God's preparation time can sometimes be long and uneventful. Moses spent 40 years in the desert looking after sheep before coming to deliver the Israelites. The refining of our characters is very essential to God's plan for our life. God cannot use a proud woman (or man).

I believe there was a season in my life where GOD prepared me.  HE changed the way I felt about Him and myself and then, when I was ready -- HE did allow some revelation and I know that I know that my 'time' was THEN to walk with HIM and walk in faith and learn to TRUST God.  

I know a woman right now - that has been prepared - I believe it.  I know that I know, her marriage is being tested  right now and if this crisis  would of happened even 6 months ago -- the marriage would not of survived....but NOW it God has prepared her.

Maybe YOU - the one reading in a season that God has prepared you for -- or maybe  you are coming from a season where God prepared you and you realized it.  

I remember another friend that was in a battle for her daughter's life.  Her daughter was gripped with an eating stronghold and even the pediatrician told her - that the daughter would probably not 'survive' the disorder.  But...that mom KNEW - SHE knew GOD WAS able and she continued in prayer and guess what -- God did -- that young woman is a warrior for HIM!   God heals.  
2. We need the favour of God.
Esther found favour with the King and so did Mordecai. Even Jesus grew in favour with God and man (Luke 2:52). When you live a life pleasing to God, by obeying His will you will find favour with Him. God will also give you favour with people.

I have had people come to me and say, "pray for me as YOUR prayers are heard".  God hears each and every prayer.  We do need God's favor and it comes with our obedience.   The key is living a life pleasing to God.  I believe many times we give up or give in ....right before the blessing comes.  And so often, we give up or give in cause God does N OT seem to be moving in our timeline - and we get impatient.  God's timing does seem slow, but trusting it -- brings favor.  

I believe that my friend HAS God's favor....she is walking in it.  
3. God works in His own time and season.
Esther got her timing right. Maybe God has put it on your heart to do something for Him. Don't just jump into it but wait for his time. Joseph was in jail until it was God's time for him to be released. God will move in His time when we remain faithful and alert to His leading.

Another lesson from Ester on God's does seem like God is really trying to TEACH us something.  I believe there is a woman reading this tonight -- and right now, she knows that God is telling her -- NOW is the time...

Maybe NOW is the time to fast and pray for a specific child that  is lost or mixed up in sin...
Maybe NOW is the time for you to sit next to a friend who is in a storm and just PRAY with her...
Maybe NOW is the time to get off your butt...and DO something....for HIM...instead of expecting God to lay it all before you...
Maybe NOW is the time to actually pray and seek counsel on something or a stronghold that has plagued you for FAR too long...
Maybe NOW is the time to go to church - find one...worship one...and maybe ask yourself, "does God know me?"...
Maybe NOW is the time to give and extend forgiveness...
Maybe NOW is the appointed time for restoration within a part of your family...
Maybe NOW is the appointed time...
4. Your background does not hinder your future with God.
Esther was an orphan. God still exalted her and used her. Some of Jesus' disciples were fishermen, tax collectors and one was a doctor. Your background does not determine what God can do with you. Your faith does.

I did a bible study on Ester with Beth Moore.  A major part of the study is taking a look at 'our past' and that it has BROUGHT us to this point - here and now.  Our past was our destiny.  Our past did shape our future -- but it never has to dictate it.  

God has allowed experiences within out lives -- as we walk through it with HIM...we can then, do that for another and help another walk through the pain of..... a death....a betrayal....a rejection....

God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary -- our faith creates miracles!  

I met with that dear friend this evening.  She totally received this word as encouragement.  There was a little more to this vision -- but as I prayed and spoke to God about it throughout the day -- HE personalized it for her....and tonight HE blessed me too.

You see, tonight -- I sat with my husband and we prayed for another.  We prayed for a woman who is standing in the gap for her husband as he is being attacked - via their marriage.  However, we know GOD is all in and around this marriage.  And  I know that I know -- it is going to weather the storm and as she prays for her husband and their marriage ...she is going to walk with her head held she sees what is ahead and she is moving slowly with God - forward.  And GOD is going to bless her....and answer every need and prayer request.   And tonight, my husband shared with her -- something so personal and yet....the EXACT words I had been praying to HEAR FROM him for years....she had no idea of the 'signfigance' of those words...but God did.  It was redemption for me and healing for me...and revelation for him, but it was also confirmation to me -- I had listened, fasted, and prayed today and God spoke.  I wish I could share more details....but the summary is --

God used me and my husband to minister to another -- together for the first time.
He will pray and minister to men ...or another at times...and I do too...and a few times, couples have come to us at church for prayer ....but tonight was REAL ministry - together and THAT just blessed me.  ......And even if that is the ONLY time God puts us together for that sort of situation...that is OK.  Cause tonight the enemy DID not win...God won.  And God is going to win for my dear friend too!
I know it -- amen!

So -- if you are under- estimating God this evening and you want  to have that assurance   -- SEEK HIM...find a Pastor...come visit me at my church....or do something.  Time is short - God wants you to be esteemed like Queen Ester....HE loves you that much.  HE wants freedom for the captives.

There is NOTHING God can't heal, restore, or redeem.
There is NOTHING that can separate the love HE has for us -- expect maybe us....
Are you in a season like Ester was?   Is now the time to step it up -- and help SAVE a child or friend around you?
Only You and God know the answer to that --
If Ester had NOT spoken up when she did  -- what would of happened?
She saved a people....
Who have you helped God to save today?

- humbled, Michelle

Sunday, March 23, 2014

I wish....

I wish we could of LIVE streamed this - another amazing night.  Our FIRST Men's Encounter Celebration where 'our' men put it together and 'our' men lead it.

I wish for this one moment the men were a bit more like the women -- as when women got up and shared what transpired -- they gave some details....most of these men only shared, " I am free".....LOL.

I wish I could see WHAT will transpire in the homes of these men over the next few days as they WALK in this new freedom.

I wish everyone I know - could experience the joy and journey these men embarked upon.

I wish I could afford to send EVERY one of my brothers  -- even fly them down from Wisconsin!!!  I really would if I could......

I wish my husband would of MADE it into this photo -- LOL!    Where or Who knows where he was?  Outside - greeting visitors......ah but no worries.  I can  totally see how being a leader at this Encounter has deepened his relationship with God!  

I wish you could of  seen my face when I witnessed my Father - n- Law 'dance in a sort of make shift Conga line'....that has NEVER happened before.   And he clapped WITH the beat -- miracles happen!

I wish you could of heard my friend he spoke about WHAT he received as being a leader -which brought us all to tears...but then laughter as another fellow then  - 'carried' him off the stage!    What laughter!!

I wish I would of recorded the CHANT when Doc got up to share and how his 'dirty underwares' were now clean....oh LORD --  What a miracle within his life alone  ..but to now see him set free of strongholds and we get to WITNESS what YOU are going to do through him....I am in tears - thinking of all of YOUR signs and wonders -- that I will get to see  as You shine in his life!

I wish all the women within my circle of friends and prayer warriors could experience what I did - when my husband came home from the Encounter and WE shared and talked about his experience as a leader and then I was able to share mine again ....and how we had such similar experiences with God -- and HOW that bonded us even together -- further....more healing!!

I wish for every woman that sat in that service this morning -- longing for their husband to go to an Encounter -- to have the HOPE that their husband will....soon!

I wish....

I wish..

Oh Wait......I know  ----

Lord, I pray -- I pray -- that you will indeed allow us to do this again....that those women that I pray for and with....WILL see their husbands attend the next MEN's Encounter and be set free.  
I pray for the men that wanted to attend this past Encounter but were unable too -- will wait patiently and soon - another one will be scheduled!  
I pray for YOUR will to be done Lord....
I thank you again for the time of my own Encounter and WHAT you did in me.  I thank you for my husband's Encounter and for the opportunities we have had to be leaders in the recent Women's and Men's Encounters.  I thank you for 'new family' that was  in the audience today -- that experienced a taste of WHAT YOU can do. I pray they will return - and FALL back in love with you -- or WANT to be closer to you!   I thank you -- for a Pastor and Wife....that had a  'life crisis'...which changed it changed  what they did and HOW  they ministered...which changed me...and now I get to see it change others....

There is NO HIGH - like a Jesus high.

 There is NOTHING sweeter than when you pray for another and you see strongholds leave...there is NOTHING greater than to know -- God USED you in the life of another - and now that life is in the Lamb's Book of LIfe.  
God -- the words DO NOT give you the glory needed.....

God - YOU win...YOUR glory fell tonight...
YOUR glory - was in our place at church this eve....
YOUR glory will continue to shine within these families that are now forever changed because there is a FREED UP man within them and among them...
Lord, I pray as Pastor DAve did - that these men will KEEP their freedom and KEEP their bibles open - seeking and honoring you.  
Lord, thank you  -- I thank you that I don't have to WISH....I just pray.  
In YOUR name...amen.  
PS Lord -- I really felt that after the Women's Encounter -- 'how could YOU top THAT Celebration??....and YOU did tonight'....seriously.....
It is sort of like children - right ?   You can never really 'love one child more than another'...they are both equal and yet different and yet STILL the same.....
I can't even imagine WHAT transpired within your Heaven and its HOST of angels  this evening....did you all sit around and LOOK down upon us and have an incredible party too?  
And Lord - what happened  when 3 baptisms turned into 7 or 8?  .....
Touching.  YOU ROCK God.  YOU win.  I am honored and humbled  -- YOUR love never fails...and it never ceases to amaze me!  God, YOU amaze me.  All I wanted was my husband to love you again like he did as a young adult ...all I wanted was to be in ministry with him....and to know that YOU were looking about me and saying, "atta girl"....I am humbled, loved, forgiven, redeemed...speechless -- full of tears of joy ....but still ...WANTING to just praise YOU.  YOU truly love me 'that much'....and the glory of it all -- YOU love him that much - YOU love Frank...Doc...Brandon...Greg....Kelly....Rudy...and the REST...THAT much and YOU love Phillip...and Eli.... Alex...and the others...that I continue to hold before you - THAT much too --  it is amazing.  Oh wait -- that is cause YOU are God!!!  The Alpha and the Omega....thank you! 

- your daughter, Michelle 

Saturday, March 22, 2014

An Apology.

1 Corinthians 2

New International Version (NIV)
And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.[a]

 THIS could be me when I sit at this computer and write a blog - I am sharing my heart but my speech is most often...NOT eloquent -- 

 For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weaknesswith great fear and trembling.

I come many times to you - the person who is reading this--with fear and trembling -- as I really have NO clue.  

God has taught me some things...and I have experienced quite a bit - but I pray that whatever  I type or share has some value and worth -- cause it would glorify my Lord - that lives within me...

The Purpose of this blog is to share my heart and how GOD hugs me I walk in this new freedom I have now with the Holy Spirit and My Lord...

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.
Paul says here - that he hopes people would listen to him - not because of what he says but what GOD has done....

Paul speaks here -- cause he is trying to state -- it is NOT him..but the Holy Spirit who speaks through him.  

His confidence was not in himself or his was in the KNOWLEDGE that the Holy Spirit was speaking through him.  

Verse 7 goes on to say...

No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. Jesus was put to death by the rulers and people of that time who misunderstood him and who rejected him. However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”[b]
    the things God has prepared for those who love him—I can't even begin to imagine WHAT more God has instore for me or my family -- both now here - and then in ETERNITY...In Revelation it speaks of how HE will create a new heaven and earth for me...for me...and the rest of HIS Kingdom. 
10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.

This is me...I seek God - the Father in Heaven, who sent His Son to open those gates in heaven  -- to be the direct link between God and me.  There is only one way - and I am not being conceited or a know it all...nor am I being narrow minded - but there is ONLY one way to heaven - and that is through Jesus Christ.  

But -- I have messed up.  
I prayed a lot today and over the past few days, because a loved one of mine is offended.  Hurt.  This person has been feeling that my views and my beliefs have led them to feel inferior -- for that - I am so sorry.  

And if she felt this way, she wondered how many others have felt that same way too.  

Chapter 13 of this Book speaks of  love...I can write blogs...and speak my peace..but if I have NOT shown Love...what am I ?  

1 Corinthians 13

New International Version (NIV)
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

As a parent -- I protect my children...and I may not always trust them..but I can trust them through Christ.  And I hope.  My life  -- now is a very open book.    I love Jesus and I believe there is only one way to heaven...through HIM.  I believe in hell.  I believe in eternity.  I don't believe in evolution and I believe God still heals and does miracles today.  
But there is a loved one that has been hurt by my words...I have failed to show her the love of Jesus.   I have dishonored a person whom God even says to honor...and for that - I am so sorry.  

There is nothing I can really do - but say I am sorry and then pray -- that she will forgive me.  WE don't see eye to eye on spiritual stuff.  We just don't.  

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

So it is with a heavy heart -- I asked her this evening again for her forgiveness.  She and I do not agree on whom Jesus is - but that is OK.  I love her with all of my heart and I pray for her daily.  Well, at least 3x a week -- a photo of her beautiful self and her husband adorns the sink in my bathroom, I awake each morning looking at her and telling her hello - in the photo.  But, I am saying this - with no arrogance at all...I am trusting God in this matter -- I will pray fervently and I am relentless -- I am stubborn - I was endowed with that from her....I have her DNA...I got my writing skills from her...I got my creativity from her...I  act more like her than she will ever realize -- cause she just does not see me on a regular basis -- I said, we think differently on the LOVE of my life...Jesus.  But...this story is not finished....

And I believe God wins.  

Friday, March 21, 2014

Spiritual Adultery and the Someones --

This is a follow up from last night's post -- I want to make sure -- that it is understood that I committed adultery as well ---idolatry!   In my eyes -- my idolatry = spiritual adultery.  

Back in February of 2011,  I figured out what it meant to commit adultery....spiritual adultery against my Lord ...Jesus.   It broke me.

I  had the opportunity to attend an ENCOUNTER weekend.  Back then  it was quite 'colder' than it has been this winter.  Back then, the bags under my eyes were pretty thick and dark!  Back then, I knew that once the weekend was over, my husband and I had planned to separate again.  We had come to an agreement that it was time. I began to realize that free will is something God gave us for a reason.

God's timing is perfect.  Really -- it has been over 3 years since then.  What can all happen in 3 years?   A baby can be born.  A child can be conceived.  One gets older.  One can lose a loved one and one can get a diagnosis that changes everything.   One can pay off a loan,  one can spend countless hours in prayer, and one's heart can harden.   One can also spend  endless hours in praise,  thanking GOD for a miracle and HIS covering and a blessing.  .......thanking HIM for the cross.

So, like I titled this - spiritual adultery....
Everyone is quick to judge when they hear the word 'adultery' and yet, I have found and know that God does not have levels of sin.  Sin is sin.

I found this in my bible's commentary near the book of Hosea:

Both spiritual and physical adultery are against God's law.

Both spiritual and physical adultery begin with disappointment and dissatisfaction--either real or imagined -- with an already existing relationship.

Both spiritual and physical adultery begin with diverting affection from one object of devotion to another.  ....this diverting of our affection is the first step in the binding process that leads to sin.

Both spiritual and physical adultery involve a process of deterioraton, it is not usually an impulsive decision.....but because you don't realize it, we finally do realize it when it is too late!

Both spiritual and physical adultery involve the creation of fantasy about what a new object of love can do for you...such fantasy creates unrealistic expectations ....and it leads to disappointment in all existing and future relationships.

That was deep - was it not?

I committed spiritual adultery.
Like it or not - that is that.

Israel rejected God's love...they committed Adultery.
The book of Hosea illustrates God's love for his people -- the sinners.

Hosea 3.1...."The Lord said to me, 'Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adultress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, thought they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes'".

Back at my Encounter Weekend, on a Saturday night - I  came to a full realization that I had committed adultrey.
 Praise God I had people around me to help me take my sin to the cross. But God opened my eyes that weekend and I knew.  I already knew I was a sinner and I already knew that because of my own sin, and because of what I had heard my Lord tell me...I was suppose to forgive my husband of physical adultery...but I never really realized the pain I caused Jesus....what I did to put HIM on the Cross.

Three years ago at my Encounter, I experienced HIS love and teaching from some ladies that understood what it meant to commit spiritual adultery.  And, I had a vision  ( during extended prayer time ) and I saw, Jesus coming to pick me up out of the muck and mire and put me on HIS horse after he brushed off the dirt that was all over me and  then I experienced the most beautiful yellow....I believe I saw God's eye's for a brief moment.  I believe that I 'got it' on that all made sense.

 Thus that night, I was really able to totally give my marriage and my husband, and my job, and my family ....up to HIM.  I was finally able to TAKE my hands off and allow HIM to work within our lives.  I was finally able to say, I LOVE and trust YOU Lord.  It was that night, that I was washed clean of all of my sin. Washing clean of the sin I had no idea was all over me and I rededicated myself to HIM.

Then I returned home.  Learning to LIVE in that knowledge  has become  the true act of worship to HIM.   Learning to really LIVE what it meant to trust HIM is the hard part.  It has been over three  years.......

It has been over three  years of much love, renewed strength, prayer and fun.
It has been over three years of counsel, fasting, and more prayer.
It has been over three  years of uncertainty and yet the most blessed peace.
It has been over three years of the MOST awesome time in my our lives....
It has been over three  years of a FRESH walk with Jesus.

HE has allowed scars, so I never forget!
I am so humbled.  I will forever sing of HIS praises.
HE has given me such a peace about so much, and the stuff I am still unsure of..I trust HE will lead, direct and show me the path.

But my heart aches for some.

Someone else needs to read this today.
Someone else has put other things in front of her Lord.
Someone loves his job too much, he  really doesn't see it but he make excuses and excuses as to why he doesn't  need to be in a church under the covering of a Pastor each weekend and his wife just agrees.
Someone loves their children way too much, ahead of their spouse and their needs come first and one day they won't realize it until it is too late, but that will cause rebellion.
Someone loves her body, or the idol worship of exercise,  to cloud their judgement, thinking and believing that God is going to notice their size in heaven...when in fact they are not putting that amount of time into learning about HIM. And her children are watching 'what' is important to their mother.
Someone thinks that having an affair is better for their situation -- even for their marriage.
Someone thinks that going to an establishment where sin and immortality is welcomed is no big deal.
Someone thinks.....they have PLENTY of time to change something later -- but for now - that sin is pleasurable and they 'deserve' it.  
Someone else needs to ask my husband my idol?

I can that was me.
 From the outside, I had so many believing I was this great warrior for God - I was at times.  I do believe I prayed and did as much as I knew HOW to do, but my view of God and my trust of HIM was so so so shallow.  And,  I did a great deal of GOOD for HIM and HIS Kingdom, but I failed, I allowed idolatry to sneak its way in and I did not realize it until it was too late.  But maybe it was not too late....I believe HE opened my eyes when I was ready to change!  I believe HE knew I had to fall out of love, allow a love to perish so it could be rebuilt, and I believe HE wanted so much more out of me.

I hurt for them.   The Someones.   I see some of them around me.  I know the pain that God will allow - HE wants NO one to perish.   ( And God does NOT punish - but HE allows suffering when he is being the good Father and disciplining.) 

I also hurt for their the fruit of this rebellion will show up - later.  I hurt for them....I want to grab them and shake them- wake up. My husband and I talk about the someones often, he is better at discerning and reminding me that PRAYER is our battle tool and that with the ARMOR of HIM, we can be there when those Someones fall.

I hate it, but I believe those Someones have to fall....they have to be broken to be used.  Pride is the biggest that will fall. I had a lot of Pride.  A lot.

When you are really in lOVE with the Lord, and know exactly what Jesus did for you at the cross - you don't want anyone else to perish.  YOU want to spent moments and moments in worship ...reading, praying, and learning more...being close to HIM.  You understand what Prayer without ceasing means and you want to get plugged in.  YOU want more of HIM.

You simply WANT more of HIM.  
You want what HE wants.  
And you HURT ....when you see the lost -- so you pray and maybe write....a blog....

I saw a video/skype/ telecast of Francis Chan during the Passion 2013 conference back in January of 2013.  He was brought to tears and I won't forget what he said, "if you want to be close to Jesus and experience HIM...just ask, and begin to share that faith with the lost"..."YOU will get close very quickly...YOU can't help it - it will challenge and change you."

Lord, I always want  to speak in love, and I pray that those 'someones'....would see something in me that they want.  Oh God, open their eyes.  I am not your Holy Spirit, some of those Someones are SO blind and believe they are 'ok'...OH God....I don't want them left behind.  

Oh Lord, spare them the pain of being knocked  to their knees, but if  You don't spare them and allow the Enemy to strike, let me be ready to pray for them and love on them.  Bring them to my mind, and to my husband's mind...we want to bind the Enemy and help them experience YOUR forgiveness.

 Lord, I pray my children will never experience spiritual adultery, God I pray they will make a covenant with you and hold tight.   Oh God, I see them - they are young adults and yet, I know they know.  Oh Lord, it is so easy to allow the Enemy to get a God, if there is anything I am holding onto or beginning to become an idol - show me!  - Amen

Lord,  may I remember this:

"Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins"  1 Peter 4.8

Lord, there are  several  families that are on my heart as I type...but Lord, there are more.  Lord, since I wrote this blog over a year ago - many of those couples have come and gone ..some have received healing, some felt the pressure of the world and just walked away hurts.   I know Brendan has been praying and IS praying  for others.  Lord, I know of family....Oh God....I want them all to experience YOUR full freedom because of what you did on the cross.  This blog has been a bit heavy - may it speak to THOSE who need to read and hear it.  Lord, bless those Someones right now, I pray protection over them.  Oh God, open my eyes...I want to see with my spiritual eyes...what you WANT me to do.  I will Lord.  I want YOU to use me.  Amen.

your daughter!

Thursday, March 20, 2014

How to forgive ...WHAT it looks like from my side...

 A REPOST from July 2013...

I became aware this past week of another couple that the enemy has lied to  -- he has lied to 'him' because he thinks that someone is 'better'...and he has lied to 'her' because she thinks that it was her fault.....I am speaking about how adultery can slither into a marriage.  I want to scream - FIGHT....!!!  But God has not released me to speak directly to her.  Fight....An affair is a symptom of other takes God...Godly counsel and professional help to make some REAL changes.  And it takes HARD work -- but it is so worth the time and effort and peace that comes when you know you were obedient to God! God's will for a marriage is to be one flesh -- you just don't say, 'I never loved you'...that is a LIE.  And if the problems are not worked through -- the same problems will follow the next relationship.  Do the research -- pay attention.     I am by NO means claiming to be an expert -- NO way.  AND....I don't want my life to be the poster child for 'how' it works...In fact, Lord, right now - protect this post...may it be read by the ONE you intended it for -- or may it encourage another but may it NOT be used by the enemy to hurt anyone with my family, me,   or others.  However, I looked back today within my blog posts and found a few posts that maybe would help this person -- this wife, that needs encouragement.    And  I decided to repost this one.  
I pray another wife or husband will HOLD on..and FIGHT and SEEK God to restore - what the enemy is destroying -- before it is too late.  - Michelle 

I was asked a question..."How does forgiveness look ?"

I pray that my actions and what I do and say in private conversations and prayers with friends  and family shows WHAT forgiveness looks like...but this question  was asked of me from another.  Another that does not see me daily... another that God brought into my life maybe for only a short season or maybe on purpose.....and maybe  this blog is even  for a total stranger that happens to come to this blog  and read, maybe she needs to read what forgiveness looks like....

 For me.... what did it LOOK LIKE with me?   I hope I can explain it.

What does forgiveness look like?

First off, I believe, as HIS word states, that we must forgive - Jesus tells us of a parable in Matthew 18 about an unmerciful servant who does not show mercy and does not forgive.  At the end, this servant is tortured and jailed = bondage.  I did not want that - who does, so indeed we understand that we must forgive.

And, in my case, I had to forgive after sin was revealed within my marriage but I think something that was very key to my journey or my walk was that I realized very quickly that MY sin was JUST as hurtful to My LORD...that my MANY years of idolatry and my 40+  years of not loving God FIRST and putting other gods before HIM---was JUST as sinful as what was revealed about my husband.

  THAT can be hard to understand.

If you can understand and get past that -- read on.

 So, I was very aware of seeking God's forgiveness of my sins.  And what did that look like?  You would of seen me  confessing my sin to HIM in private and with a prayer partner.  I was raised Catholic and not that I HAD to seek a priest or something to confess, but there is something to be said about speaking out loud -- and telling another what has transpired.  It is a good practice.  I also went  to God in my journal and wrote  down stuff that the Holy Spirit revealed to me ...stuff that was my sin.  And with a clean heart -- I knew I had to set upon the task of forgiving my husband and the woman who I "believed" set out to destroy me and my family. Now I was the enemy - not 'her'.

And by the way, I am healed and really feel no malice,  anger,  or bitterness towards my husband or even the other really is forgiven - but it takes TIME!  And I will say this - this blog post is pretty real and personal, if you know and love me, I thank you for your continued prayers,  discreteness,  and your faithfulness to prayer as we healed.   But if you are here to just read something to repeat or to gossip then I would ask, please make sure I am with you when you wish to share this or discuss it!  And,  please make sure it is covered in prayer.

  Lord, that nothing I would say bring hurt or harm to anyone involved - anyone.  I do not wish to allow the Enemy ANY use of this for his purpose!

Ok, let me get back to WHAT it looked like.....

I am blessed to be a part of a  two different church families  that helped me in that  crisis of faith - they covered me in prayer.     So in reality...what you would of seen  each prayer night ( Wednesdays ) and Sundays was a woman that attended church and went forward for prayer.   I was also faithful at my cell group  and/or counseling session.  And you saw tears ..a lot of them.  If you could hear me, I would tell God each day...sometimes 5-10x a day ..Lord, I forgive them, I forgive him and I forgive was simple but heartfelt.  Those were the only words I could get out at first.  Then, after time, it was not as often but still daily.... When I did not  have the strength and courage to walk forward at church or at bible study for prayer, God sent another to me to pray for me right there in my seat.  But it was consistent.

I think forgiveness is an 'act' .  We say it.  "I forgive."  But then to LIVE in that...THAT is the HARD part.

It is really hard, as I remember for the  first few  months, the 'situation' CONSUMED me and I would have to fall back to God's word and remind myself -- I CHOOSE to forgive!

There were many nights when I fell asleep with my bible on my chest - just begging God for something!

Second...I had professional help.  Therapy.  Godly therapy.  I sat with two different Pastor's wives and a Sexologist/Psychologist who is a  Christian woman as well. It was a process.  And it took time.  I even stopped therapy at one point  - I felt it was HOPELESS and I was tired of  the feeling that "I WAS the one that had to make all these changes....really?????   I was the one that needed to change?"....Like I said - it took time.

 So I QUIT therapy for a few months  and allowed God to do some extensive changing within my heart and head and in my husband's as well.

One of the first things I did with a godly mentor was to 'put' all the hurts on a sheet of paper - to make a list.  And then I symbolically put my husband in a chair and spoke OUT LOUD  all of the hurts he caused.   I listed everything.  Every tidbit of fact I had heard to every tidbit of rumor.  I listed it all.  I listed not only the revelation of the affair but all the hurts..from our high school days to our college our young parenting days..everything!  I also had to forgive God in there too...It took a few hours.   Finally, I  asked  God to forgive me and listed what I felt I had 'done' to God.

When it came time to forgive the other person...I just mentioned - "I forgive her" God had me deal with THAT hurt much later.  You see, I believe forgiveness comes in layers.  Lots of layers.  You speak out WHAT you need to confess or forgive and then 'live'...but you daily come back to the fact - 'what else do I need to forgive?'.   Again  .....TIME is a factor.  In that time, you look for the good.  You begin a list of the good stuff and you make a point of renewing your mind with HIS word.  It was a concentrated effort, a purposeful thing I did - I choose to forgive.

The process may of taken a little less time,  if I would of seen a repentant heart in my husband.....but I didn't...until MUCH later.   I would say this - don't expect immediate changes from the one who hurt you -- it takes TIME!  They must first realize what you do.....something is wrong...and then they must realize their relationship with  Christ is key!   While that all happens..time passes!   That is when you hold onto the promises of God even when it seems like ...IT WILL NEVER change!!
Does that make sense?  I hope so.

You see, I had  forgiven...but I was still a wreck!  I was hurt.  Time and then  God sending  the Holy Spirit to comfort is the beginning of healing as God -  HE is  the Healer.

My heart had become hard  to some feelings and stuff - as I did not want to be hurt ever again.

I am blessed because I was able to seek a professional counselor that had experience and knowledge of how our brains work and how a woman thinks and so she was a BIG help as I worked through many thoughts and processes.  I 'took up that cross' daily and chose to believe that God would bring redemption.  But I had to work on ME first......

I would HIGHLY suggest that godly and professional counsel is sought when there is something that is hard to forgive.  And believe me.....anything that has broken your heart - is hurt.  Please don't LEVEL your pain or problem .......pain is pain.  My situation is not 'worse' or 'less worse' than yours or another's.   (  I blogged about that before. )  When a person is feeling unloved and there has been sin -- it is hurtful.  It does not could be unforgiveness from a childhood thing.  It could be unforgiveness towards your husband for his  ---- whatever .....the  enemy will use anything to keep you in  the stronghold of unforgiveness!

I had to really learn and LIVE in the knowledge that no matter what-- God's promises are true and that in HIS time...I would see the redemption.

Another exercise I did, was to take a brick and a helium balloon.  On a sheet of paper, I wrote the 'hurts'..even after I had PUT the infidel in a chair and confessed all the hurts....they just don't disappear. Life happens, triggers and stuff would come up and so, I had to make several lists.  I tied the hurt list to the balloon.  I made a second copy of the hurt list and tied it to the brick ( a heavy rock would do ) and held them both up over my head.  GET the picture - a brick and a balloon.  I held them high above my head  until I could no longer hold that brick in my arm and I dropped it to the ground and let the balloon fly...and then prayed....GOD, the burden is too heavy to bear - TAKE it to heaven.  GET the picture?  I can't tell you how many more times, I visioned that demonstration and did it again within my mind....many....for many months.  Many!!

But again, I had people around me that spoke life into me - telling me and praying for God's perfect will.  I choose whom I would hang with - people that only believed in marriage and healing and I believed and had faith that GOD could change a heart, move a mountain, and 'fix' my family.   But it took TIME...much time.   And with each day - I choose to forgive.

I don't like to lose and so I found every blog, every book and every source of media or resource that could help me be aware and KNOW what to do or what to say.  In all of that, I became this "expert", but had to learn the hard way -- EACH person's journey is so different.  At one point the therapist told me.."read nothing, think nothing - read only God's word and listen to your husband and pray".  NOTHING else.  I had to slow down and allow GOD the time to change my head and heart!

Little stuff would pop up, I took it to God.  Nine months after  sin had been revealed, I went to an Encounter weekend - THAT is when God dealt with me about forgiving her.  And God dealt with me -- I had to know that I would be FINE with or without a husband and marriage...that HE (God)  was FIRST in my line of devotion.    Now coming home from that and learning to LIVE in that...again - WAS HARD! Another four months passed and the decision to sell our home and move was before us. This move to a new rental place ushered in a new era of 'awkwardness' and again, I found myself making a list as our therapy had changed a bit and more was revealed therefore, I was back to square one and choosing to forgive.

I sought prayer partners  again...just a few ladies that I trusted  with my feelings.  From my husband's perspective...he just saw a wife that had scripture cards in a few places as at that time , he was really ANTI-God and I had to follow the advice of our Therapist and totally give him space.  He also watched me iron his shirts, clean the house, and do 'nice' things...I kept busy.  Very busy.  Later he would send me flowers to celebrate our wedding anniversary after we both were going to give it 100% and work on our marriage and the card read, "thanks for being so nice!".   I did not allow myself to think of stuff in the future I just prayed and again, I praised God for HIS love for me, and I prayed and said over and over..I forgive him Lord.

I was and am still CONSTANT communication with God.  I constantly talk and pray to HIM and share with HIM what hurts...what I want my husband or another to retract and I rely on HIM to fight my battles.  I would say - THAT was hard to learn HOW to do, but it is one of the best ways to live with another human being and not become their Holy Spirit or 'mom'.  !!!

 Back to that Encounter time -- My heart at this point was very cautious.  I even blogged..( if you go back and read entries from late 2011....early 2012....)   that my heart was  cautious.

I got to thinking about something...  If your marriage is in stress or if your heart is  so hard towards your spouse or another, forgiveness is hard but it is what God has called you to do.    It also makes you a prime target for the enemy to remind you - "it won't deserve better"  So, I would dig deep and ask yourself,  do I want my marriage?   I would suggest a therapist, a professional that can listen to you, evaluate WHAT needs to be done as there are changes to be made with both partners in a relationship. If the other person, your husband or the one causing you this heartache won't go with you to counsel -- they go by yourself.  Get the help!  Most often our mental health IS covered by our health insurance!!!

  But whatever hurts there are....those are not easily forgotten.  You can choose to forgive, but the hurt remains...THAT is the hard part.  That is where TIME will have to come to allow some NEW memories and NEW feelings to overshadow the yuck.  AND God can do that - HE wants too...WHEN you give HIM the time and access to your heart.

I can say this....I still get hurt.  My husband can still say something that can bring me to my knees, but at this point to allow it to take me backwards would be sin for me, as God has,  in the past two months,  really shown me in many ways and in scripture that the PAST is the past and it is not to be remembered anymore.

So let me get back to ...what does forgiveness look like?

It resembles a worn bible being used to pray with.
It resembles a woman just walking away and telling another she does not feel well - and she goes to her prayer closet and cries...and she seeks God to FIX it right then and there.
It resembles a woman going to her Pastor and his wife and seeking their covering and prayer.
It resembles a woman praying and asking another to pray for her.
It resembles a woman fasting each week before the drive to Stuart for counseling and then she would blog here and most often WHAT was said would usually put her BACK to square one.
It resembles a woman journaling...writing letters and complaints to God.
It resembles a woman focusing on her two children -- and making sure that any extra time was spent pouring into their lives.
It resembles a wife being very sweet to the man who 'hurt' her, and hearing her mother in her head saying 'kill him with kindness'...
It resembles time spent on knees, believing that one day....there would be a repentant husband that REALLY understands how much he hurt her...

But it also looks like a smile, when she finally decides that maybe just maybe, she can smile and then something happens and she sees her husband change and all of a sudden, the burden is a little less heavy.

THAT is what it looked like on the outside, but the real change and forgiveness happened on the inside over time.  It was not overnight but it would come in stages and in chunks and I would look back and think -- "oh my ..THAT does not hurt anymore".  Or, "hey..I am NOT even thinking about this anymore...".  It took time!

Today..forgiveness means laughter - we laugh a lot now.  We have taken the time to talk and communicate and pray together.  We have changed a lot of old habits but also, we have learned to show each other respect so that WHEN a trigger pops up or something is said, I can go to him and say, " perspective is this and it hurt".  Which gives him the freedom to react to WHAT I have stated...not assume what he is to do or say.

I don't believe women understand what God really means when it says we are to submit - but that can be a topic for another blog - I have spoken enough.  But the real submission was  to God....I submitted to HIM...which made it possible for HIM to work in me and then  in my husband.  Now I see a man that submits his thoughts and feelings to God first - as God is his first love. God is my first love now too. So, it is important to make sure my relationship with God and Jesus is solid and strong and then I can watch as God will change the man I prayed for ....prayed for ....for a LONG time!  

Forgiveness does set us free!

It took us some 25 years of marriage -- but I think we are finally on the RIGHT path.  It is a good path. Our therapist would also share with us about the 'dance' of marriage and getting to that dance...where we both can enjoy each other -- that is finally happening.  Praise God. is still work.  We choose to work at it!

I hope this helped my new  friend.
I hope this helped that stranger.

It helped me - it reminded me of HOW healed God really has me.....and a part of my  confirmation was this photo/chart I found today on Facebook -- Wisdom is healed pain.  THAT makes perfect sense!!

Wisdom is also from God - and doing what HIS word says.

Thank you Lord, may this help just one -- save a marriage....hold on a little longer, or may it even help one to forgive the infidel and the other....amen.

Lord, for whatever this woman may need to forgive - I pray she will....and allow You God to refill, redeem and restore whatever needs to be restored.  AMEN!