Saturday, June 21, 2014
decisions - 101
Lots of decisions were made in this past week, and many were made for me.
My husband broke his nose, another's ( it was an accident ) elbow sent him on a a trip to the ER and it was confirmed -- broken in 4 pieces/places. The next day brought more confirmation and scheduled surgery --Thursday. Plans got interrupted as were were to head to Louisiana with HP and watch some Regional Soccer U19 competition.
That decision was made for us!
I was 'frustrated' at God for a moment - and when I say that --I say that so carefully, cause it was NOT God that caused the broken nose...nor was it Satan...it was just life and it was an accident. I do believe God knew it would happen and HE chose to let it happen...cause I know HE works everything for His good- our good and for HIS purposes. So...for some reason - God wanted the two of us - alone for a week, just resting and allowing the nose to heal and me -- having the opportunity to pamper the patient. Surgery went well and the nurses continue to wonder how he is not on major pain medication. ( cause we PRAYED! ) Currently, my husband is ok - nose is sore, but no major pain, it is just AWKWARD with a brace on and two 6 inch splints stuck up the nasal cavities and sneezing makes my heart stop each time! And the Nedi 'showers' help keep everything moist but his nose is constantly dripping. Again, decisions - to see the 'good' in all of this!
More decisions.... the a/c broke - who do I call? Situations at our insurance office...prayerfully thinking .... The women that seek me for prayer ....God ...only YOU can answer.... The women I seek for prayer -- show me quickly Lord what I need to do, help me to do what YOU ask... And, I have this incredible God thing that is coming ...and I have some decisions to make -- I am not making them...I am prayerfully seeking God's lead!
My calendar and the Holy Spirit reminded me of a fateful decision that was made -- exactly 3 years ago today -- June 21, 2011.....and how, in that moment -within that day - GOD was there and HE...I know HE made the decisions.
Let me give you backstory:
Often, I will get a person asking me to pray for them because "I am so strong"...and I want to scream..it is not me..it is GOD THAT is strong. However, they see something in me ....was it because they knew how my marriage was broken and in their minds it could never be fixed and now it is? ....is it because there is something that shines out of my mouth..? I pray to God -- it is LIGHT...HIS LIGHT...but seriously, sometimes I stop and think - it was not that hard of a decision to forgive and believe that a marriage could be saved. Let me explain...
Joyce Meyer's poster says it all.... I was at a time and place in my life where 'doing the same thing'..was NOT working. And I had to SEEK God...totally. Believe me...I really did think I had it all figured out - but I had no clue. And God had been preparing me - I had been SEEKING God because there was just stuff within my life that was not working and I was in a sad and sorry spot -- so I had begun to get counsel. Then.... the earthquake hits.
Getting back to 3 years ago -- I knew. I knew that when I was given some very hurtful and damaging news, I knew I was to forgive --- cause God had spoken to my heart and head prior to receiving the news ...that I 'was to show grace and mercy'...and God had given me this supernatural love for another human that had hurt me terribly...but -- I knew I was to hang in there. So, what may appear to others as being 'strong'....is really just obedience. I knew that I knew - I was NOT going to face Jesus one day and have Him ask me, "why didn't you do what I asked?".
Now it was not easy -- and after a good 9 months, I came to the point where I knew that I knew that no matter what -- what the outcome of my personal crisis would be---would I get divorced? Would I stay in 'limbo'? Or would this marriage be saved?----but as I said, I knew God was in control.
And I submitted to HIS authority and I was seeking and serving Him. What did it look like? It looked like....going to church, being committed to a cell or small group...and it meant that I was walking as if Jesus was right next to me. Every moment, I would call unto Him. And sometimes those calls to Him -- were desperate fits of RAGE but then praise and honor and seeking HIS face. And it meant MANY nights alone, with my bible on my chest - crying myself to sleep - hoping that tomorrow would be the day where God walked into our lives and just fixed it all. And there were many just 'blah' days...where all I could do was put on praise and worship music, and pray out loud to myself and Jesus ...for a miracle. As I did that, and as the enemy would attack....I continued to speak the words that God had promised to me...."I will heal the broken-hearted". And finally, there were the days when I just wanted to give up and God would provide and send one of HIS angels ...in the flesh via a phone call or text or someone would message me on Facebook and I would be in tears -- knowing that God was speaking to me directly - comforting through His people. Then you just have to believe...and live for another 5 minutes. Soon, 5 minutes becomes 30 and then 30 becomes an hour...and all of a sudden you have made it through the day. Amen.
So back to that 'being strong' comment....I was only as strong as HIS Word would lift me up that day.
More backstory but you should understand the title of my blog today.....
Now I stated 3 years ago another decision was made. 3 years ago today -- my husband had a revelation of sorts and he had to make a decision. A situation presented itself that had to be dealt with -- it was a pivotal day. A day now, I see where all of heaven was probably in battle...there was definitely a spiritual warfare going on -- as I see now 3 years later and all the GOOD that has come from this decision -- no wonder Satan did his merry best to prevent us from healing! ...Just saying...
Today, 3 years later, I stop and think...how HARD it must of been for him. I mean, he made a decision to believe that 'one day...he could look in my eyes and know that I was God's intended for him'. Gulp. Even as I type that - it is hard to read. But THAT is the reality.
A marriage that is broken - our marriage - was suffering because of one person's actions....but what we were dealing with was a symptom --- there was OTHER stuff wrong somewhere ...with BOTH partners. Mee too. I mean...when a person is hurting - they hurt others. When the enemy is lying to a person and in turn that person listens and then acts upon it....the couple will suffer -- but for the couple to REUNITE...to RENEW...to REFIX...there has to be a fixing on BOTH parts. There has to be some changes on BOTH parts...and doing the same thing - just does not work.
And that is how he felt at that point...from his perspective at that moment -- nothing had changed...nothing would change...and the enemy had him believing that he never really loved me from Day#1. So, for him to make a decision -- to actually pray and allow godly counsel to remind him of WHAT God's word says...was really a big deal.
And I believe -- it took more faith at THAT moment for him to believe that -- than it did for me to believe that one day -- we would be celebrating our healed marriage. I do. I just do. As I saw what 'he felt' ...and I could see how 'he was thinking'...and I knew that I knew -- he did was not trusting God. But, at that moment, that night -- he took a leap of faith and prayed one more time...and said, "God, if this is going to work - it has to be ALL YOU".
I know that THOUSANDS of heavenly angels were all around that room and whispering to him...'believe'...and I know that God's divine hand was upon that kitchen table as my husband and his godly counsel chatted...and I know that it was God that SOLD our home within 5 weeks - and we moved within the next 3 months...to begin a new chapter in our lives.
I know it.
And God moved - quickly -- to show a man with little faith at that time - that HE was in control.
And I know that on that DAY -- the HOLY Spirit intervened in me as well. As I took a phone call from a panic'd and confused husband right before he went to seek godly counsel....as he asked me what I was going "to do"? And it was the Holy Spirit that spoke the next reply out of my mouth - as I had been in prayer and fasting that day -- the Holy Spirit had been preparing me that revelation was being revealed on that day.
So when he asked me what I was going to do? -- I know what I said but it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me -- as it was not rehearsed, and it the words were that I was 'done' if he did not choose our family. There it was said. 13 months of 'hell' had been summed up finally and I knew, as I said it was not rehearsed, but it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me with courage.... And I had such peace. Such peace. Did I really say that? I remember hanging up the phone after our conversation and speaking to God, "Lord, that had to be YOU, what did I just say? I have been thinking about so many responses Lord for MONTHS...and now, today ..this is what comes out? So Lord, I will trust that was YOU speaking, as I don't believe I would of had the courage to say - it is done if he is not going to pick us - I know you will provide ...so Lord, now I will trust YOU in this. Amen. " And that peace....did not leave me that day, that night....that weekend.
OK - SO WHY am I sharing all of this today?
One... I love celebrating 360's...and today - my husband and I are healed...our marriage is a strong one cause we work at it and we BOTH seek God first. There was a miracle that occurred within our hearts and our lives - we acknowledge that and we marvel at that as other couples around us struggle. And today...3 years ago was a pivotal day -- a day where one decision changed the course of a marriage and a family.
A day where I know, I relied upon the Holy Spirit within me to TAKE over...and a day where I know that a man -- made ONE last attempt to trust God - a decision that was pivotal!
People make decisions every day -- I wonder how many decisions we make on our own -- without HIS counsel...or how many decisions we should go back and turn around...cause we did not SEEK God first.
I wonder how many decisions we regret...
And I believe that someone -- reading this today -- needed to hear something within my words, they needed encouragement and they also needed perspective ....
SEEK HIM...believe in HIS Word and what HE has promised...
And I believe that several marriages ...several people are making decisions based on feelings...instead of DOING something different -- and SEEKING HIM for restoration, counsel, and fixing.
And I believe that if they will...seek HIM..and take that leap of faith and TRY - just one more time...the REWARDS on THIS side...are heavenly! And we both know - what God can do and we want others to experience WHAT God does!
Someone needs the reminder -- there is NOTHING that HE can't heal...fix...or restore...with HIS divine help and ...often professional counsel.
Both my husband and I will say it often...I would never try to fix a cavity by going to my Pastor. I mean, I will pray for healing...and I will seek prayer...but, many times, God does not fix the cavity we get from our own indulgence with chocolate...so then we must go to the dentist. Seek some professional help.
There are consequences because of our actions - and seeking a Christian professional therapist -- is indeed -- a good thing...and it works. Having a 3rd party to look you both in the face -- to remind you of the definition of insanity....is eye opening and freeing...and liberating. There is no shame. Don't let the enemy convince you that nothing will change!
And I will add this in...most health plans cover 4-8 sessions with a therapist - do the work, make a phone call...be willing to SEEK help and believe that God can do for YOU -- what HE did in our marriage and our lives.
But when we are obedient...we WIN too!
- humbled and believing for MANY marriages that my husband and I prayed for today -- as we rested!