Sunday, October 16, 2016

The toliet paper square!

Can you spare a square?

 If you are a Seinfeld fan, and you have watched a bit, you may have seen the show where Elaine is in the bathroom and she has to ask,  as she reaches below that stall wall,  to the next person in the next stall, "can you spare a square?".   To which the other person responds, "I don't have a square to spare!".  

"Really, you don't have a square to spare?".   I kept thinking of that this evening as I was reading and chatting with my handsome 50 year old husband.  

Today in church, our Pastor used a roll of TP - toilet paper to illustrate a point.  He was speaking out of Matthew 25 and the parable about the talents and using God's Word to remind us of some concepts.

1.  What I have been given is meant to benefit the Kingdom of God.
 2.  God gives each of what, what we can handle.
 3.  God expects us to invest our talents.
 4.  We will give an account for whatever you have been given.
And 5. What we do in this life - determines our eternity! 

In that funny Seinfeld illustration, the person would not even spare a square or basically - share.
What my Pastor was trying to illustrate,  was that as he rolled out the roll and walked up and down the aisles of our little church  -- what we DO - here on Earth is really only represented by ONE small square.  THE rest... is what we will reap in Eternity --basically -- what we do with that ONE small square in this life here on Earth -- will determine the rest!   

Hard truths.

It was one of those messages where you could be sitting there with extreme conviction, guilt, or even shame...but you could also be sitting there with pride and assessment of one's accomplishments.   It was  a message where we both  stopped, took notes, reflected, and sought  God  this evening as we chatted -- where am I, where are we,  in this illustration and WHAT have I/we  done with my/our  talents?

The PURE simple fact that we laid in our bed together and discussed this - is indeed a miracle.  

This past week, someone asked me to share some information.  I will adhere to some advice that Beth Moore gave in a message a few weeks ago, she said:  "authenticity to all, transparency to most, intimacy to a few".    I blog.   I write.  Blogging is a medium that is 'new' to this era but as I have said before, it was God's use of some bloggers and some messages through social media that met me in a very HARD time -- a crisis of faith.

I know blogging is not for everyone.  I am even confronted at times and reminded that I may be TOO open or too honest.  I have been warned that I am TOO trusting.  But as I traveled to church this am and God and I were just conversing back and forth, I stopped to ask HIM, "why?".   Why am I like this Lord?

I believe He impressed upon me and said, "my child, I use you through your words and your honest answers -- others see and read what they can't express and it helps them".   And I quickly was reminded of how  Beth Moore spoke about this just this past April.  She spoke about how she will watch herself on TV and sit there and ask God, "why do I have to be quirky like that?".  And He told her something similar -- that is HOW I use you.  If I would of had her cell number that weekend, I would of called and said, "Miss Beth -- I took solace in your words, as so often I stop and go, WHY Lord did I say or do that?   And He gives me grace and mercy to remind me -- that my heart is indeed in the right spot and HE uses each and every word from me and action for HIS glory -- but to just continue to SEEK HIM and be His hands and feet".   

So...I maybe be transparent to more than most and intimate to more than a few....but I am trusting God always as I write and type these blogs that it is HIS fingers  typing and  His Words that I am sharing.   

I think I am a little more protective now of some of the details, as the past is truly the past, but I also know WHAT God can do through a simple blog where one just shares WHAT God did for them.

So, as I researched and gathered some information for that one who asked, I thought about WHAT my Father in heaven wanted me to share.


So, what would I say now?

  I was 38 years old when God began called me closer to him.   I loved Jesus as much as I knew how.  At 42 years of age a death happened that made me very aware of my marriage and that is was failing.  At 44 a crisis of faith happened.    And earthquake shook us.  Faith was applied with much godly counsel and prayer.  Revelations occurred where the 'pit' I was dumped into -- was NOT where I was  choosing to stay and God began to reform me and rebuild me.   In that process, forgiveness was given and trust was reestablished but God finally became LORD of it all.  But in that process, I learned that I had committed adultery - spiritual adultery against my Lord.  The past 12 years have been some of the hardest and yet MOST joyful years of my adult life.   I truly believe my husband and I got a 2nd chance.  

I believe that ONE square... was full and God gave us a NEW 'one square' that WHAT we did in this life will determine a better eternity for BOTH of us.

Yes, infidelity was something the enemy used to destroy the both of us - and yet- God won.   Idolatry and selfishness was more of the stuff that led us both into the PIT --and both of us claim responsibility.  From the outside world, it may look like only 1 person is at fault when a marriage breaks down.......but there is something that needs to be addressed.   An affair is a symptom.  Masking pain with alcohol or drugs is a symptom of something deeper.   Even the simple idea that, "I don't want to be married anymore" -- is just another way that the Father of lies -- Satan has convinced a person that God is withholding something and so therefore, I must divorce my wife or husband and begin again.   It is a symptom of something else.   A door was left open for Satan to get in, just an inch and he became the ruler!

 It is so sad, and yet -- Jesus came to set those captives free.   New life IS possible with God!

Not everyone is as OPEN with stuff as I am.  Sometimes, I feel I pour my heart out and just carry on and the one listening just smiles and I wonder...."am I making any sense?".   But God reminds me, that HE will use me to plant seeds, water seeds, and just be that initial soil rototiller!

When I got to church today, God used a sweet prayer warrior to confirm to me what I believe HE impressed upon me in the car as I went to Sunday's meeting of believers.  

Heaven is truly when I will get to see WHERE HE used me...WHERE I messed up and was too transparent but HE covered me...and HEAVEN is where I will see the 'good' that I can't see happening here on Earth right now.  So, I will continue, with all humility and grace to be authentic to all, transparent to most...and intimate with a few and pray that God gives me more GRACE to be that light to one...a wife that may think her  marriage is over --

....but I would say -- is not falling apart -- it is just now falling INTO place so God can redeem!

 Dear Lord, I have NO clue WHO this is for tonight -- other than me.  I needed to remind myself of what You spoke to me today and I needed to tell Satan to take a hike.   Please continue to use me through this blog -- help me lean on you even more...and  know Lord, that I do want to do your will - here as it is in heaven.   

- humbled,  In Jesus name, your servant -- chell


Please let me know how this touched you . . . thanks!