It's the holiday. I have some extra time and I had forgotten that I was only at #27 of this series. Faith over feelings. OH MY oh MY -- this past week, I have had to OVERCOME and place faith in front of my feelings. I AM going to blog about that tomorrow -- but this eve, I wanted to share the follow blog again about a dream I had - concerning my son. I wrote this earlier in April.
Today -- a few of the mom's I mention at the end -- are still praying and believing for their sons.
Today, a mom was a bit freaked out - worried about her daughter being removed from the house by a dad who wants justice.
In both circumstances -- I can't change what will happen - but I pray that God's will and HIS provision wins.
So, I felt I should share this- as this dream reminded me that HE made a promise to all mothers -- and maybe this will bless you --
This blog refers to a song by Elevation Worship -- in the chorus is says, "He made me a promise and HE won't stop now. Maybe you have heard of it.
Ok - here is the blog"
This song today -- had me at "He"... this morning in worship.
It is a song that has brought me to my knees and it has brought me to His throne.
And as we worshiped, God ...showed me about the dream.
I had to stop -- I had to sit at my table and write... I couldn't move my pen fast enough. Then I snapped back up and went back to worship. Oh how I love when the Spirit is moving so conscientiously within the worship time.
It was quite powerful.
The dream - earlier -- It was about my son.
Yet, I think it was for so many more.
He was in this beautiful room along with many former students and people that I recognized. One of his favorite teachers was being honored. And as many of the students got up, problem after problem occurred with their performance. We were in this room that echoed -- and it was suppose to be this beautiful poem, presentation, or music... you knew it wasn't ending up the way it was intended.
It was rather sad. I remember being confused as to why I couldn't hear what was intended. I was there in the audience and feeling SO sad for the teacher being honored. I could see her face and yet, it was very obscure.
When God gives me these types of dreams... I realize HE doesn't want me to attach a face with it...as it means more. So, I asked God...it is ...... or is it...??
Or Lord, let me see her face.
As I showered for Church, I sought the Holy Spirit to give me meaning and purpose of this dream as it was so real.
Then I asked God, is it me? Was it me there being honored and the mishaps that were happening has something to do with me?
Back to the dream, when it was my son's turn, there was an obvious - very real - mess up. He was trying to give a performance that involved some sort of a speech and he had this apparatus all over him. I could clearly see his face and yet, something was on him or he was wearing something that just would NOT allow him to speak properly. It seems like a harness and yet, he didn't seem like he was limited by it. It wasn't normal. But then it felt like it was to be a part of his performance.
Yet, he was smiling. I felt his heart...he was saying, "I am trying but I can't do what you want me to do, it is not working, I can't live up to your expectations".
Then I awoke. Wow. And as I said, it was so real, so it was in my head while I got ready for church.
Until Worship when this song hit - and it came. I believe God's answer to my prayer and questions in the shower.
This past week, some news hit me hard. And I mourned for someone's expectations. And yet, I realized that I had unmet expectations as well. And I thought -- what can I do?
I prayed and I called upon God to help me discern or figure things out and He gently reminded me that I may not...figure it out.
This morning, as I sang and prayed, I saw so many moms and woman with unmet expectations while this song played.
I thought of my own son and how his choices in the past six months have brought me to my knees in prayer and in praise! However, I was reminded with the dream --He has his own faith and He has his own path. And, I can expect the Lord to answer my prayers, but that he, my son, is his own man and person - seeking the Lord.
I am indeed grateful -- but I don't pretend to believe that everything will be easy and perfect from this point forward. I realize it 'rains on the just and the unjust'; I don't want to speak any ill will upon my son - but I also don't believe that he will escape the enemy and his trappings. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy -- he is not going to leave 'our sons' alone.
I thought of my own son- in- love and how his choices in the past have brought me to my knees in prayer and praise as he is seeking Jesus and His guidance with my daughter. What a man of God and God is continuing to prune him and build him.
I am most grateful -- so, "He made me a promise..." brings tears as I rejoice and praise God!
And then....
But my heart broke for a few other moms....
I saw a mom, who recently listened to her son tell her that he "no longer loved his wife and felt God was telling him to move on".
I saw a mom, knowing her son was committing adultery and she couldn't slap him or stop him, she had to pray it out and believe that God was controlling the situation.
I saw a mom, knowing her son was leaving his young daughter and wife and she couldn't convince him to fight for his marriage.
I saw a mom, getting ready for her son's third birthday and his dad was again no where to help and be the leader of the home. She was doing this alone again.
I saw a mom, grieving for the loss of her son so young and such a senseless death.
I saw a mom, kneeling at the foot of a son's bed, wondering why she didn't check on him just an hour earlier -- that maybe she would of caught him struggling to breathe and he would have been saved.
I saw a mom, kneeling at the crash site of her son -- seeking the face of Jesus and answers as to why.
I saw a mom, entering a law enforcement area with trembling fingers just wanting to hold her son and not knowing his state of mind, but not being allowed to even hug him.
I saw a mom, watching the plane land with the coffin of her son's body being returned to her --wondering how and why her son was called home so quickly - only 21 years of age.
I saw a mom, unable to protect her son from the barrage of voices and torment within his own head.
I saw a mom, unable to hold her baby son because of choices she allowed within her life.
I saw a mom, who eats healthy, prays, and takes hormones to help the process to become pregnant just once more and give a sibling to her other son - but it hasn't happened.
I saw a mom, trying to wrestle with the facts that her son has made some choices that has altered his life and the life of his daughter for the rest of their lives.
I saw a mom, trying to help a son caught up in addiction be tough and stern about getting the help he needs.
I saw a mom, sitting by the edge of her son's bed - he hasn't eaten in five days and will meet Jesus very soon - but she has knelt there at his bed, literally for months wondering if tomorrow will come, and when her son will take his final breath.
I saw a mom, on her knees praying for her sons as one is about to graduate from medical school and another will be released from prison for the second time.
I saw mom, picking her grandson up from the train station, he has come to live with her because his dad is in prison and his mom has passed and now she will raise him.
And I saw a mom, holding the baby of her son and wondering just how she is going to live tomorrow .....
And I saw a mom -- just staring ahead ....
I saw a mom ...hurting.....
I saw a mom...praying...
I saw a mom... holding that little one with such hope --
what happened ...expectations were not met ......
After allowing the grief from just typing these circumstances -- I MUST go to God's Word and I read the story of Easter once again. Truly -- God knows the suffering of these moms.
Truly , God made them a promise -- I am SO sure when they rocked their little men...they NEVER felt their lives would be this way. As it WAS not suppose to be this way and yet - here we are.
And I bet, it is hard to sing and praise the Lord at some times when their sons are gone and/or hurting or there is a NEW normal --
and yet....that is the ONLY thing I do know to do -- to be able to face tomorrow. As these women are all a part of the body.
They are our neighbors. They are our friends. They are our work colleagues and they are the ones whom we need to extend grace to and love.
So the song continues ... "I KNOW a breakthrough is coming, by faith, I see a miracle, my God made me a promise and it won't stop now".
-- Miracles happen.
I must remind myself:
Some how and with some way -- GOD will win and bring beauty from these ashes and God -- will redeem.
Eternally -- this life here is but a moment -- what we do here - determines our eternity.
So -- with that vision -I will end with prayer.
Lord, for my son -- God, YOU move mountains and YOU formed him well within my womb.... YOU have great plans for HIM. YOU will protect him and YOU will allow what needs to happen so that, He comes to You for salvation and for life.
Lord, as mothers, help us to love them and protect them but not kill them with control or manipulation....but show us. Help us to intercede for our son (s), help us to show grace and mercy and help us to speak life - even in the darkest places.
Lord, for the other moms that have my heart heavy today -- Lord, whether he is 5, 10, or 23...God he is YOURS. May each of these moms truly feel Your presence and place their sons at Your feet. Lord, that beauty would indeed come out of the ashes and that in all of the hurt -- there can be joy.
Thank you for the gift of my son.
Thank you for the gift of their sons and thank you for the ability to pray for them.
IN Jesus Name. Amen.
May the only expectations I have -- is that He will serve the Lord!
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