Sometimes, I can get so mad -- I want Jesus to come back - yesterday. Have you been that mad?
Sometimes, I can get so overwhelmed that I can't speak.
Sometimes, I just vege and find that time passes too quickly.
Sometimes, I can get so tongue tied that I allow the enemy to whisper..."see, you are not well spoken"....
But on other days...there is more time reflecting on ALL that HE has done and is doing within my life. And more often than not, there is MORE laughter and just fun - even when a circumstance seems defeating. And very often, I just marvel at WHAT I am blessed to be a part of.
And sometimes, like today, I get so tickled and excited about what I see God doing - that I just can't help but dance or jump for joy. So if you saw me swerve today as I drove home - I do apologize.... I was a praising.
Today, while driving to work, I wrestled with a conversation with God. I mean: I prayed...I reminded God again of how 'I WANT it to go down' and then.... I got quiet and His Holy Spirit filled my ears and reminded me of HIS plan and will.
I am beyond blessed - period.
Most recently, I get to start each day in a prayer circle. What God continues to show me through these women and men now - delight my soul. Today, as one of God's esteemed...prayed...I heard or I was reminded of our desires.
There are dreams and ideas that we have. We have to look and ask God as to ....ARE these dreams and thoughts of YOU Lord??? Or are they of my flesh? Are they good -- ??
But many times, I am reminded that the secret desires I have - deep down in my prayer lists ...are really good desires that HE placed there.
If I am placing God first, if I continue to fill my head and heart with HIS Word and I seek God for every answer, then what comes out of me...should be of God as HE is within me.
Today, as my friend was praying and saying the words, "in YOUR will Lord, answer what is in Your will"....I could hear the Holy Spirit remind me that someone ...someone was experiencing doubt at that moment -- how do I know?
I get this feeling, and this thought, like I want to talk but then I don't want to...and then I question my self and pray and ask God to remove the thought if it is NOT of HIM. And sometimes...I get tongue tied... and when I am 'scared' of saying it -- it often is of HIM. This all transpires in about 4 seconds. This happens more now, more in the past 3 years than it ever happened my entire life....but I am seeking this ...I want a word of knowledge to give another... I want the Holy Spirit to reveal GREAT revelations to me... I want to speak life into others....I am seeking... HIM... any anyway....
Lord, I pray people SEE that in me.
So, back to this tug of war with my thoughts, prayers, and communication with the Holy Spirit while my sister in Christ is praying and then I know -- share it.
"For someone here, that when D. prayed, YOU WILL BE DONE..... some one said to herself, "no, that won't happen".. and I know the Holy Spirit wants you to know - God placed that desire there and it is HIS dream as well - so continue to pray". And then... Whoosh.... wow.....
Later in the day, God confirmed this was a word from HIM to me, but even if I wouldn't of gotten the confirmation, I know that it was of Him ....and I believe it was a reminder to myself. (And yet, I got confirmation it was for another as well. - God is the PERFECT multi-tasker.)
So as I went home today and drove my 30 minutes..I re-prayed all the prayers that I said in the AM and with each 'impossible' task...I smiled and said, YOU will take care of it Lord... as THOSE are the desires YOU placed within me. AMEN.
When I get in those angry spots...this is one verse that will comfort:
Proverbs 24:20 for the evil man has no future; the lamp of the wicked will be put out.
When I am reminded of that CRAZY prayer request and my 'human flesh' believes the prayer is just a weak attempt to think that something can change..... I am reminded to seek HIM. And I can read this:
Proverbs 24:14 Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.
And, when another is doubting, I can quote this:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
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