A Different Mother's Day -- being HELD by HIM.

Being  ...held......

Refugee mother and child.

So a few days ago  I wrote a blog about being held -- being held by God.   All this week, HE has been forming and writing  a blog about mothers as well.  Today,  "being held"  is something HE wants me to continue in this blog--



A few days ago, I shared research about the word HOLD and being HELD in the bible. 



These 2 verses were found:  
   2 Thessalonians 2.15    So then brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.

   1 Titus 1.9
  He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

Then I found this:   the word HOLD with a capital "h" is found in 11 verses in our bible, 9 chapters, and 9 books.....that version is  more of the noun hold....

Psalm 119.117   Hold thou  me up, and I will be safe; and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.

I have been thinking about Mother's Day all week - and thinking about the Mother's that are in a very HARD place right now.  And, I thought of a few first time moms as well. 

Then I came across this.  The word HOLD with a capital H is there 11 times but the word hold with a lower case 'h' ......is in 167 verses...167 verses....49 chapters....35 books...I was astounded.

That is the verb hold !   an action!   God is holding us! That is a present- active VERB! 

One of the first actions a mother does -- is HOLD her child. 


Psalm 139.10    Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

Proverbs 3.18  She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her and happy is every one that retainith her.

Isaiah 41.13  For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not, I will help thee.

That last verse...spoke life into me many times and if you read the blog a few days ago, I shared a story about how God illustrated to me HOW HE has held me.

 But today .....  as I came to school, Holy Spirit spoke and I knew HOW He was going to use this knowledge of holding .....some mothers today.  It overwhelmed me! 

   As I entered school today, I saw a mother sitting on the bench waiting for the student that she attends to each day.  He is a child with some major behavioral issues and yet, over the past 9 months, she has mothered him and he is now a different child - for the better.     He was not speaking when he started school.  He speaks now.  God even orchestrated his lunch time today, to  be when I ate lunch, as I believe God wanted me to see evidence of this God ordained little one and HOW God meets every need.  I watched him communicate at lunch today with the lady whom has been placed as his aide.  In August,  he was unable to function in a normal classroom so our Principal had to hire a person to attend to him  -- that was the  beautiful young mother sitting there on the  school bench this am.

 I know her - only through  school, but I have been able to watch her for five years now as she was a 1st grade paraprofessional and then she moved to other grades,  moved out of state, but God brought her back  and this year -- she is the sole assistant for  this little boy.

 She has become a mother/teacher to him.   Earlier this year, God also allowed her to   became a mom for the first time as well.  She glowed, she was so excited.  However,  Jesus called the little one home and he will spend his first Mother's Day with Jesus.   I have thought about this new mom over and over in the past few weeks.  My heart broke when she had to say a temporary good bye to him here on earth until she sees him in heaven.  I thought about her first  Mother's Day -- 


God knows I prayed for her when she was trying to keep him in her belly and I prayed when the news came that he had gone to heaven.   And I trust God is sovereign and that she will be a mom again, but indeed this Mother's Day will be different. 

She is not the only Mom that has dealt with the loss  of a  child.

 My own sister  watched  an ambulance come and pick up her 17 year old, after he had taken flight to be with Jesus.  It happened at home, quite simply -- he went into a deep sleep and Jesus came and took him.    It was a very hard time.     He would be 25 now, he and my daughter are 11 weeks apart.

I can still tell you  what I was doing when I got the call  from my sister and how the next 4 hours went and how the next week went....and I can even tell you how the next month played out.

It seems hard to believe -- that  was almost 8 years ago.    Mother's Day...Birthdays...all of them don't really get easier -- just different.

 He wasn't my son, but I claimed him.  He spent MANY a weekend with me .....and traveled to school with me and even sat in my classroom for the better part of a year when he was in 1st grade.   My sister has two other  precious  children through her  husband and marriage .....but I have been thinking about her all week.  As Mother's Day approached and 'how' it is different for her.

It has been different for her for some time now. 
I have been thinking about her Mother's Day for some time now. 

In my own world, my husband and I have an empty nest.   I prayed and asked God to bring both my kids home on Sunday for church and then a meal -- how I relish and covet the time we get to spend now with them. 

I have been thinking of my Mother's Day all week -- 

One of my first friends in Okeechobee had two small kids when I moved her and met her.  She had a cowboy for a husband and I met her through her in-laws.  They were new friends of  my in-laws.  Other than my husband, she was truly one of the first people I 'hung with' at the  Cattleman's Rodeo here in Okeechobee.   Those first 3 years here, there were TWO Cattleman's Rodeos and I enjoyed selling tickets and watching her kids play about the Arena.   As I began my teaching career, we had some  mutual friends but she was a part of a family that I saw often.   I was blessed  a few years later to have her youngest  son as my 3rd grader.  And as she taught in various schools across Okeechobee our paths crossed a lot.  We spent a LOT of time together working on some math stuff for  almost a year in Okeechobee when FCAT began and then time and space moved in .....and she moved to a different county and eventually a different state, but I have fond memories of her.

I have been thinking of her all week and I have been thinking about her Mother's Day -- 

She is a mom of two adult children,  but now she is battling an awful disease  - Alzheimer's.   I have prayed and realized  the disease has taken its fullest toll.....yet, I thought of both of her children this week -- and what Mother's Day is like for them. I even spoke to her sweet daughter-n-law and asked "how" things were.  Again, another Mother's Day -- that is different.  Both of those grown adult children would  love to see and have their 'mother' back but that is not happening at the moment. 

I thought of another dear friend who lost her mother just before Christmas and this will be the first Mother's Day without her.  It will be different.  She is still grieving.

I thought of my own mother and how we disagree on some very important issues in life and yet -- I would not trade any bit of strife, fun, or tension right now and thank God that I still have here here to share recipes or text messages with and I praise God  for her -- as God planned for her to be MY mom even before He planned for Joyce to be her mom!     But Mother's Day has been different for 28 years -- as I have lived 1400 miles away from her for the past 28 years..... I have never really been close to invite her to dinner or take her for a spa day....  and I know I owe her 28+ gifts as it is easy to just send a card......   thinking about Mother's Day.....


As my Facebook friends changed their profile pictures this week with memories of their mother's and posted the photos that 'MADE' them moms....I thought of their Mother's Day celebrations --

I have thought about several mothers around me that have children that are so lost right now, making poor poor life choices, and mothers that are dealing with children that have literally taken EVERYTHING  but the kitchen sink from them.    What  is their Mother's Day going to be like? 

 I have thought about and prayed for the moms around me right now that are fighting for their children by holding onto a marriage that is in crisis.  I have thought about a few moms that I know who have children with special needs,  health issues and even a mom of a  5th grader who is going through surgery at the moment so she can continue to grow as she walks with braces and spends most of her time in a wheelchair.  I also thought of the moms of my students - some I have met and others I have never met because they are absent from their child's life or they have gone to heaven already. 

I have been DOING a lot of thinking....well, I have.   A lot of praying too!  

I have a new student who joined my class a few months ago.  She is 11 almost 12.  It was 2-3, maybe even 4 years ago where she lost her mother.  In the past 5 years, I have hesitated in doing the typical, "mother's day" poems and gifts as each of my students have different situations at home.     I did the Mother's Day poems this year and she choose to write a poem about her mom in heaven.  It touches me so - and I believe it brought a good deal of healing in her heart!   I thank God for this new student, she has been a breath of fresh air!     However, her cousin....  I remember, very clearly, about 5 years ago when I asked  him  why he would not write a poem about his mother and he just looked at me and yelled, "cause she's in jail".   Needless to say, this child  had counsel and he is doing  well in middle school.  He lives with his dad and step mom.    I see him in the hallways  or when he is teasing his cousins.  He is a regular attender of FCA and after I speak to him, I always walk away and pray for him,  his family,  his mother, and his Grandmother. 

However, I thought about that mom  and her Mother's Day.    I was blessed to have  her  other son in my class last year.  And I thought about the Grandmother who  has been raising her grandchildren as  both of her daughters have been absent.  I thought about the Grandmother's Day -- 

  I have thought about women who  have struggled with infertility and singleness and the longing to be a mother.   

And I thought of Mary.  The mother of Jesus . I thought about how she watched him all her life and then as he became a man....how he walked away from his mother and family and began His work for His Father.  And I thought about how Mary's  Mother's Day would play out...   

And that brings me back to being HELD....

Casting Crowns has a song called, "Be held".  The Lyrics are here: 

Yep, that is my kid's head. She was 7! The flip side of this craft has a poem!

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes

Lord, for the moms...for the children that can write a poem!

Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who wont let go

I started off with  the idea of writing a blog about Mother's Day.   Truth be told, I wanted to write something as a gift for my sister, but in this past week, as I have prayed and spoken to God about this blog ...it has been a gift to ME!

 I pray this blog has made you think, uplifted you, and also -- reminded you that indeed -- Mother's Day should really be EVERYday!  

I am unsure what type of mother you are or what your relationship is.  Maybe this blog post has reminded you of hurt, sadness , or maybe this blog post has given you perspective  and you are thankful and grateful. 

Sunday is Mother's Day.  Anna Jarvis started a campaign for a Mother's Day back in 1908.  In 1914 it became America's FIRST official holiday.  Later in her life, Anna would campaign trying to get the holiday taken BACK off the calendar  because it quickly became a holiday where the commercialization of it made her so upset.   Let's face it --  we all get caught up in the holiday - right?  I mean, Mother's should be honored everyday!

I am unsure how Your Mother's Day will play out -- but I do know the ONE who can hold you whether your Mother's Day is very different, hard, sad, or joyous .....  either way -- God can minister to us through the Holy Spirit and through Jesus!   


Lord, this is a rather different blog post.  I pray it encourages another.    I pray the women that are represented in this blog post will see it as a good thing and I pray that they will realize that YOU are using them as they walk through their own losses and struggles.  

Lord, I know watching and praying for the different mom's I shared about this week has  me thinking and looking at this official holiday in a new way.  I pray comfort and peace to those precious moms who are in pain and filled with sadness. 

Lord,  I pray joy and peace onto those in the battle with wayward adult children and/or teens.  I pray Your will be done in the lives of each and every child represented through this blog -- spiritual children  or the ones you created. 

Lord,  I pray Your will be done in the lives of the young mothers and  those that will be future mothers.  Lord, You are the ultimate nurturer -- may each woman that reads this tonight -- or tomorrow -- may they know and realize that they can GO to YOU and be held -- and experience a beautiful Mother's Day with Joy ....in spite of it being different!   IN JESUS name, Amen.
- michelle

...Blaker....

Blake was 17 when he traveled to heaven on the 1st of November in 2008.   This photo is  him, I believe the summer before he met Jesus.  That smile is contagious!  

This photo is how I remember him the most -- with those glasses and those cheezzee smiles -- !

He was a big part of our lives for MANY years -- 17 to be exact.  He was not my son - but my nephew but he was mine.  He stayed at my house many  nights -- I cleaned up after him, gave him baths, picked his ears cleaned and cut those toe nails more than he would of liked.  I also 'babysat him'  -- it really was not babysitting - it was just watching over a kid that was mine too.  

I watched him grow, I watched him learn how to walk and then talk.  I  tried my best to teach him to read as he was in my first grade class, and I had to admit he needed special attention when it came to learning. I fought to have him in a regular classroom and enjoyed watching him finally flourish when he got with Mrs. K and Mrs. Hawthrone and others!  

  I chased him many times down the hallway at Central Elementary School cause he got spooked by something and he had such a stubborn streak.  I teased the heck out of him and loved him even more. I would dance with him and make him sing silly songs.  I was also the one that cleaned him up after many accidents.   I sat and prayed when he got so sick many times and I was with him when he had his first seizure.  I slept with him in his hospital bed on his first night in Okeechobee cause he had pneumonia. 

I decorated cookies with him, I shared food with him and I watched him grow - I watched him get a zit too.  I teased him incessantly at times - times to frustration but he loved it.  I watched him love each and every cousin and enjoy their 'toy' time until that cousin grew past his love of toys and I cried and cried the night his mother told me that the doctors felt he would not live to be an adult.  He was always with a smile on his face.  He loved movies and toys and he loved people.  He never judged and he always, always, always......had your back.  He was indeed a special young man.  

Now, he has an awesome mom too - she did ALL those things with him and more -- and God gave her the BEST son she could have and she loved like none other -- I may of been his Aunt, but everyone knew that Jeanette was his mom - he adored her.  

It is so nice now to think back, God gave him the dad he always wanted in Craig and Blake still had hope in his real dad.  God gave him  a love for dogs and blessed him with a Dad that loved dogs as well.  God gave Craig a gift too, the last 3 weeks of Blake's life were spent with Craig cause he was in a transition period and I know that God gave Blake that time as a gift too!  

 Blake loved to hang out and God gave him many friends and cousins that filled his last years here on earth.  He loved school to begin with and then school became such a struggle and yet, in his final years - school was a blessing to him.  He loved his High School buddies and clubs and classes!   God kept him an innocent and pure young man and he met Jesus with a pure heart!  There was never any malice or sin within that kid -- he truly was a special young boy.  

I don't believe he sits or stands in heaven now and watches us.  I totally believe that he has no real concept of time there with Jesus and that is so perfect and content that he has no worries.  

I don't believe he needs to contact us -- but there are still ones here that need him.  

I believe I will meet him again - Revelation states in 21 "Then I saw "a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away and there was no longer any sea. He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.  The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light and the Lamb is its lamp.....

Those words, HE will wipe away every tear....that is why I don't believe Blake looks down upon me anymore - HE is with Jesus.  I believe we have no real concept of HOW wonderful HEAVEN is and how there is no care and no worry there.   

I have to believe that HEAVEN is THAT wonderful that we won't cry - it is hard to imagine, as humans here...we can only fathom what we see....

This past week, I mourned this young man in a new way.  I always disliked  that my mom would relate things to 'numbers' and yet, I guess I do the very same thing.  I do relate things to time and to how God uses HIS time to perfect us....it was 5 years ago when I got a phone call on Saturday afternoon.  I had just turned my phone on.  I had just finished DAY #2 of my 60 mile Susan G. Komen walk.  I walked by myself that year.   I was back in my tent and stretching when my sister called me.  

This past weekend, I walked the 60 miles and   God blessed me with a 'Blake' moment on the second day of my walk.  This time, I was with Rachel, my dear friend and I shared my Blake story with her as soon as she awoke on Sunday.   ( read on to hear the Blake story ) 

 This past week, on the 31st, I relived almost every memory of how Blake HATED Halloween and then on the 1st of November, I stayed busy as he went to heaven on the 1st of November ...his FAVORITE day. 

 It was always his favorite cause it was the DAY AFTER Halloween. He hated Halloween.  I laughed with God on Friday...God hates Halloween too -- really -- it is a celebration of 'dead'.  No matter how we 'sugar coat it' or make light of it -- it is a day of evil and its origins are something we all have to make peace with.  

 Hey ...no judgement here......My kids dressed up and we trick or treated and LOVED every moment of it -- until Blake hated it.  But, Blake got over his fears of costumes and the decorations as he got older.  He sort of got 'used to it'.  When I thought of that -- I thought about how many of us 'get used to sin' too....

Lord, forgive me.  Help me see sin for what sin is -- help me to be holy - cause YOU are holy but help me to SHOW love as YOU do ..YOU did...

I think I mourned Blake's passing again in a different way, cause I am different.  I believe I hurt more...and I live more now.   I have freedom to be myself.  I have security in God. 

 Many walls have been torn down in the past two years and I can cry without having to defend myself.  

I can mourn the loss of a child....not for the last time.  I am pretty sure the pain of losing a child never really goes away -- it just gets different.  

My sister said the BEST words to me on the 31st...she sent me a text, "I know you hurt inside too...I luv u.  Thank you for being his "favorite aunt".:)" 

That blessed me so.  

Blake, I don't believe you can hear me this eve -- cause I do believe in heaven-- and I believe that Jesus has looked you in your eyes and has shown you how BLESSED you made others by the life you led and THAT is what brings you the MOST joy now....

But if you could hear me -- I would say----- I love you and I miss you - bunches. 

  And I would tell you that  I miss hearing  'awe, Auntie MECHellllleee'  and I would sit on the couch and watch Texas Walker Ranger with you and I would  tease you about something....

- love you - Aunt Michelle 

PS -- the BLESSING I got on Saturday -- was a God thing. 

 A few days after Blake went to heaven, I was mourning him on my reading couch, rather upset cause I did not feel my family was mourning him like they should.  Both kids were in bed - not talking.  My husband was in bed - not talking and I was by myself in my quiet time position.  I was reading out of the LOVE DARE journal and I wrote in my journal -- "lord, If I could just know he was Ok".  And then I cried myself to sleep, and awoke about 30 minutes later and I was praying and looking towards the ceiling of my living room when all of a sudden, I had a vision of Blake running with his back to me, and I pointed to the ceiling where I saw him running in the grass and I could hear him laughing and I hear it audibly.  I found myself, within a moment, grabbing at the air above me - sort of like I was trying to have that  image  replay itself.  But I realized that within that 5 seconds -- I would not hear it anymore as the laughter had gone faint like Blake had run off -- but it blessed me so.  

It was not until the NEXT day when I returned to that same spot and looked at my journal that I read  what I had written, "Lord, I want to know he is Ok" and God answered that -- right then and there.  

God DOES that -- HE meets us RIGHT then and THERE!  

God gave me another audible on the Saturday night of the walk.  I thought of Blake a lot on Saturday as I walked as I was in pain with feet that wanted to quit, I was in prayer for many people as I walked with God, and I was a little ill too with a tummy ache.  I spent more time walking by myself on Saturday than I did the previous day.  But it was a day for me to reflect and remember and seek God as I walked.  Anyway, that next morning --  I awoke from a dream -- a dream in which I knew I was dreaming but watching the dream take place.  If that makes sense--but it was very clear -- I heard Blake on a recording, and I played it for another so he could hear it.  Blake said, in his voice.."Auntie Michelle, I don't like these pencils you got me, I like my old ones better".  That was something he would say.  When I realized I was listening to Blake, I stopped myself and realized I was in a dream cause Blake was in heaven and with that -- I awoke.  But I awoke - so happy -- ready to start the day and thanking God.  

I believe God did that for me.  

I believe God gives us little signs and tidbits of blessings -- things,  feelings,  situations we need to help get through the grief.

There is something missing -- we are missing something so much, we want to replace it or put something there in its place.  

The only true peace that can fill that spot - is the presence of the Holy Spirit  ----when we realize it is really GOD that gives us those blessings...it is really GOD that orchestrates the heavens....there is such a peace.  

If you don't have that peace -- SEEK it --and I pray you will see Blake again with me.  

Amen.