Monday, July 1, 2013 is kind of HARD to just accept it ....but THAT is what HE does!

Ephesians 3:20

New Living Translation (NLT)
20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

This verse was the point or illustrated verse at a LifeWay Conference I attended back in September of 2010.  

Let me give you some back story......I had purchased my ticket with a group of ladies from church to attend an event where Beth Moore, Kay Arthur, and Phyllis Shirer were speaking.  The evening started off VERY wrong. 

More backstory --  As you see,  school had started, Taylor was gone to UF, and the atmosphere in my home was ....not too friendly and very awkward.  It was a season in our marriage that I had become 'used' too...but was so TIRED of.  The past year had been very stressful and try as I may - I could not figure out WHAT was really wrong.  Now mind you, much had been revealed but only WHAT God knew I could this point.   

There was a lot of tense moments where there was not yelling - but words.  And just just distance!   At times, I wished there could of been more words or honest words, but now in hindsight - it was...what it was.  I really had no clue clue of what was really going on.   As I said, Taylor had left and gone to college, and Hunter was a Sophmore, headed to the High School.  I no longer had a 'child' in my car every morning to talk to sing mother.  Believe it or not - it was an adjustment. I was beginning to experience the EMPTY next...there was such a change in routine!   I spent the entire 20 minutes going to  town each morning, claiming God's promises and singing to myself.   Believing that 'stuff' could get better.  

Weekends were soccer, and with a child in College, every night and several  weekends for me were spent in an office - helping to process insurance applications and underwriting stuff earning extra money. 

 My alone time was spent searching the scriptures and doing bible studies.  Walking, visiting churches for a bit by myself and then just watching anything and everything on the Internet to feed my hurt soul and heart.   And, I got hooked on a book "SO LonG Insecurity" by Beth Moore and her blog that was updated almost daily.  And I sought counsel - godly counsel.   That was my life, as the other half of me was so 'gone' into his own world.  However, in all of that bible study I was also allowing the enemy to really pull me away in such  other directions.  Basically, I felt I DESERVED love and I was looking for it - in my head and fantasy world for where ever I could get it.  I realize now, that the other half of me was involved in his sin, but I was too - just not as known.   

Anyway, I had purchased the ticket to attend the conference as I NEEDED to hear from God.  I spoke to my Pastor's wife /counselor on the way up ( driving)  to Orlando as on that day - I had not spoken to my husband  but once, he would not answer my calls, and when I left that morning - I had threatened to be gone by the week's end if something did not change.   I was done. 

 ( I am pretty sure now, after knowledge revealed -- that is what the Enemy wanted.  The Enemy oppressed him so to NOT say a word in hopes that I would leave and the sin could continue... with the one that split this family.  The Enemy is such a liar and such a deceiver.) 

Back to September 2009,  I could not figure anything out.  I was so hurt. So, as I said, he would not answer me, HP was busy with soccer and I was 'left' alone again.  I also called another friend to have  her  'pump' my husband for any information....did he even notice I was not home?   Oh  ouch...just typing those words brings back a flood of memories that I don't want to revisit ...but it relates to THIS blog today.  

Ok, so I am heading up to Orlando, and I know that I know --I will even quote myself, this is what I said to myself -- "if I don't hear from God this weekend - I am NOT going to survive".  My Counselor/Carlie prayed with me, cried me with and I hung up the phone and prayed - God please...come.  

The Arena was 50 degrees - praise God I had a jacket and a blanket with me, as I was used to these conferences.  I wrapped myself it the blanket and squished myself into my seat and the music began.  I remember not being able to worship but finally my heart humbled and I let the music wash me.  Kay Arthur was the first to speak and within the first 5 minutes of her session - God spoke....

It was like there was ONE spot light in this Amway Arena of 20K+ ladies on me  and I knew that I knew.....God was telling me.."YOU hangith in there baby".  WOW.  Peace.  I was still very hurt and upset, but I had a direct directive from God...I was to hang in there.  !!!!     I wrote notes like crazy and Kay gave her testimony which I had never heard.  I could not write fast enough......

I fell asleep in  my hotel room, hearing those words and crying myself to sleep - God..."you told me to hang in there" -- so what next?  

The next morning,  the AM session,   Beth was  to speak.  She spoke about 'being wise' and not allowing yourself to be deceived.  Oh Lord, I took notes but I did not really think how or IF it would apply to my life. hindsight, I again praise God as I went back to those notes often within the next 3 I was deceived and I needed to know WHAT to do - to be on guard!  

Then Phyllis spoke and she used this verse as her illustrated point.

Ephesians 3:20

New Living Translation (NLT)
20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

She had us memorize it with her as she broke it down.  And basically, I wrote myself promises...or made a list that I wanted fulfilled.

My hunger for God would continue.
I would be able to understand HIS will.
I would be happy again and feel loved... marriage...what would happen Lord?  I wanted it but he did not....

Today, as I read back what I wrote in my journal before, during, and after this LifeWAy Conference is almost  a list  of prophesy....I sit here - humbled and amazed.

It is sort of HARD to believe and accept at times...WHAT love God showed us by giving us Jesus and allowing the work of the cross - so THAT we may have Eternal life.

It is hard to comprehend.

But, there is a small illustration within my life, my husband, and my family.....

It was HE was able to impart upon me - 'hang in there'... and it was God that gave me the STRENGTH to endure....and it was GOD and HIS mercy that is so very real to me....that I had to extend it to a man who hurt me and my children  so...and it was/is GOD that is accomplishing MORE than I could ever imagine.

I just wanted my marriage better.
Then I wanted my marriage to last.

But mostly..I wanted to be loved and cherished.
I had to learn that GOD did want me...HE did love me....and HE so cherished me.

But to have that -- through a godly man -- is exceeding and abundantly beyond.  !!!

As I have blogged before, we are healed.  I am healed.  God did it.

Phyllis used an illustration about an engagement proposal.  How, being in Paris when 'he' asks would be awesome.  But...being in Paris, on your birthday and having your parents flown in as a surprise while 'he' asks would be even better....or.... even better....and how about this.....being in Paris, with family flown in as a surprise, and then in a cafe where the entire restaurant was in on the event and they sang your favorite song and you noticed in a corner that a painter was painting your portrait and then 'he' asks......get the picture?

With God- HE goes exceedingly and abundantly BEYOND......Ephasians 3.20 will also be a verse that not STICKS within my brain and my heart.

As, I have that ....

WE were so blessed with a redo of a soccer tourney....
God gave me the most PERFECT memory to replace the yuck back in Louisiana of 2010!

And THIS week...God is going beyond.  This week is the EXTRA.
 We are blessed - gifted  with a week in Orlando with family.   Brendan's entire family  -- where he is getting the time to really enjoy his parents and show them what GOD has done in his life.

This family week --  this happened two years ago as well - but two years ago, we were here in shifts, not as a united family and  with such AWKWARD stuff still going on. In fact, I remember at one of the family dinners, I asked his sister to make sure that she sat next to me...I just could not handle having to sit next to my husband by I was pretty sure he did not want to sit next to me, but I did not want to get placed by the 'kiddie' section.  Too funny! Again,  a re-do but in an abundant way.

Praise HIM...HE did this.

It is kind of hard to think that "I DESERVE this"...but I really don't deserve it.  We only deserve to be called children of God.  This happening, this week is a blessing a gift from our heavenly FAther and HE is using his servants ( Brendan's parents ) to bless us..cause HE wants my husband to know...that he is forgiven and that HE is pleased!

What a blessing -- so with this entry -- again -- someone will read this and I pray that you will be encouraged to STICK it out.

If you are the 'one' that caused the major hurt within your marriage or family....God can restore you too!  Be encouraged.

God does move mountains.
God wins.

There is a window in heaven opening -- don't miss it.  SEEK HIM and wait and see.  Amen!

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