Wednesday, June 26, 2013

..even if Hunter does not win today.....GOD WON!

 Good morning

I have to write....the Holy Spirit and I have been writing back and forth together in my head for the past three days and I kept asking God 'when' can I put this on paper and now is the time.  I was awaken today, by God - prayed a bit and read HIS word, but the words that I want to express back to my Lord are within this Psalm...Psalm 71.  

I will often put a status post  on Facebook that says "God wins".  For so long, in the crisis of faith that our family experienced,  I felt defeated.  I felt like God was not listening or that I had not done something correct, so therefore I was 'losing'.  So one day, I decided to remind myself that 'God wins'.  I would post on Facebook to remind myself that God DID have my heart and my family and that HIS love would triumph over everything....but goodness  TOOK a L - O - N - G time. 

 I needed daily and sometimes minute by minute reminders and I had to talk to myself to replace any negative thoughts or lies from the enemy.  So when I needed to remind myself, I posted THAT!    After awhile, I would post it cause it just made me smile, and then I would post it cause another friend or sister in Christ needed encouragement.  EAch time I would post that - many would like it and encourage me.  I have found now that it has sort of 'stuck' and people will comment to me.."like you say Michelle, God wins".    HE does.  HE did.  

In fact, I had a beautiful friend ask me one day, "why do you post that so often?", and I stopped posting it for a bit and really questioned myself.  Am I posting it to just read the 'likes'... or was I posting it for me or for HIM?  And, I know that Facebook can be an awful thing, but I use Facebook to communicate with my family and the dear ones I love. It is so much easier for me to read and write than to pick up that phone and speak to another.  Now, I realize that is not a good thing either - FACE to FACE communication is very important and I am working on that, but words come so much easier.  
( That is another blog topic.)  
  I read posts ( on Facebook )  and add people to my prayers...I get encouraged...and I also laugh and learn.  I believe  the Holy Spirit lives within me and I believe that when I post 'God wins' is because it is Spirit led  now ......not Michelle trying to get some  'likes'.  Therefore, I will continue to post God wins when the Holy Spirit leads.  

Many will  remind me - "I read the last chapter - HE wins!"  and I agree but during that time of crisis in our family- I needed to know that God wins -- RIGHT there and then! 
 I  need to add-- there are many around me that are in DEEP hurt and crisis and I know that I know God is working within their lives, their marriages, and their children;  but  the weight of the problem, the weight of the situation is hard to bear I will add, God wins...HANG in there!  

Anyway, I am  also very mindful of Provers 16. 18  - Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.   So, I want to make clear that by no means do I believe I should get ANY credit for this little phrase...God  gets the glory - that is ALL I ever wanted... ALL I want...period.  

So with that, I must now BOAST and brag on my God  - this is what the Holy Spirit and I have been conversing back and forth about for the past three days.   If you have read my past 2 blog posts, you understand or know that we are in Oklahoma and later today - Hunter and his Team Boca will compete in the Semi-Finals of the Southern Region III Soccer Championships. 

  And, God has also been showing me that I can claim 100% God healing with other stuff.  You see, four summers ago my family and I were in Louisiana at the same Southern Regionals but it was a different story.  The team, (South Florida Elite ) did very well but they lost in  the semi-final game.  The kids lost and we packed up and left and drove to Wisconsin.  Well, the kids and I drove to Wisconsin,  and Brendan flew back to Okeechobee.  It was a hard loss but a HARD  summer as well.  And THAT is what I have to brag about-- cause GOD wins. 
 God does 360's and totally turns 'stuff' around and blesses beyond what one could imagine.
  God does this.  God does this all the time....and HE wants to do it with ALL of HIS children who call HIM Lord! 
 I am humbled and so thankful.
  Let me tell you more....

This trip has.....

 Psalm 71

Dear Lord, In you, Lord, I have taken refuge;
    let me never be put to shame.
In your righteousness, rescue me and deliver me;
    turn your ear to me and save me.  God, you have saved me, I feel like you have been RIGHT here-- this entire trip to Oklahoma.   The drive here, the time in the hotel, sight seeing, and eating....Lord, from the car ride here to the wake up calls in my brain this am...YOU are such an amazing God.  You did rescue me  but you SO rescued my husband as well ...I am watching now and seeing WHAT a work you have done in our lives and within his life.  You are using WHAT I am seeing now -- in his actions --  as more teaching for me - it is amazing!

So Lord, I ask for this woman...and for that sister in Christ -- DO the same within their lives...Lord, may they RUN to YOU ...SEEK you and WAIT on you to MOVE the mountain!    

Be my rock of refuge,
    to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
    for you are my rock and my fortress.
Deliver me, my God, from the hand of the wicked,
    from the grasp of those who are evil and cruel.

Lord God, this particular verse -- "Be my rock" was a verse we memorized as a family.  It was taped to the refrigerator and it was taped on our bathroom mirror.  I would watch and listen to my husband recite it all the time. 

 God..... and then when I was single during that HARD summer,  and I would stop in  our bathroom,  and I looked at that index card taped to the mirror  and I would look at  that verse, I would ask YOU Lord, "what happened?". 

 How could a man who memorized that verse - walk away from his family?  Lord, I don't need to go into all that now - as I know you have given me the 'why' already... but I want to tell you Lord, that YOU have been my ROCK and EVERY time I did run to you - YOU saved me.  YOU did.   So I know that I know  - YOU will SAVE others too! 

For example, this trip - riding in the car ALL those times  to various soccer games where I was sick to my stomach, constantly praying about 'what' we could talk about.  Lord, the soccer games where I would pray about 'where' to sit as he always walked away from me and went by the dads. Or how he would tell me where to sit and remind me that he had to talk to the dads.  And then, it just became the 'normal' where there was NO communication.    Lord, how I was constantly watching him and wondering what was going on- constantly calling upon YOU Lord and asking You to show me what to do.  I knew something was wrong, but I seemed to be STUCK.  At times,  I couldn't even concentrate on the game   and once we were separated, I would sit and be sick as he spoke to others wondering what on earth he would be talking about and allowing the enemy to fill my head with lies. 

  Lord, the hardship of just being in a car with my husband who I knew...did not want to be there with me......  And now, this trip, how we planned to be together, and how we laughed about stupid stuff, how we spent hours singing praise and worship music,  how we spent time together in prayer, how we talked and just talked and then would turn on the radio and comment - "I like talking to you now"......and how at the sweetest moment - he would reach over and just grab my hand and I could hear him say, "I love you Lord"!   And, how sometimes we  would  be reminded  about the YUCK and yet, I was able to re-share what needed to be discussed and then allow the Holy Spirit to heal what needed to be kept quiet  and between YOU and he..the  GOOD  was placed over the yuck - praise God!  Healing. 

Healing for BOTH of us. 

God thank you for opening his eyes to what the enemy did and how he was lied to.  Oh God, what a miracle.  Oh Lord, thank you for opening BOTH of our eyes.  
For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord,
    my confidence since my youth.
From birth I have relied on you;
    you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.
    I will ever praise you.

Praising you is different now.  I mean, I would praise you often but always by myself -- secretly for awhile -- when he was not around.  And because the therapist said -- "leave him be - don't talk about God in front of him".    However,  for years I had to 'hide' what I wanted to say and how I wanted to worship.  I would have to close my door and go outside to SING as loud as I wanted or say what I needed to say.  But  yesterday, when the song from Sidewalk Prophet came one, "I want to live like that"...I could sing (not very well but ) with all of my might and shout the words and not feel intimidated or embarrassed or even shy about proclaiming how I feel about you Lord in front of my husband.  

THAT was such a freedom.

  Such an answer to prayer -- God, I don't think I even realized how I had wanted this for so many years.  I realize now, how the Enemy has had US both ...gripped in this oppression for many years.  How were we so blind?  I think I know now how..but......You Know was  (singing and praising) a sweet sweet 360 on top of many hard memories.  YOU did it Lord.  You have brought us both out of the muck and mire...for YOUR purpose and we realize and know it and we want to help others now and we believe You are opening doors to that.  Thank you God. 

I have become a sign to many;
    you are my strong refuge.
My mouth is filled with your praise,
    declaring your splendor all day long.

Lord, you know my secret desire is to help many. Lord, I wish to be a light to my family and friends but especially to my children and my husband...I want to be a sign of YOUR great mercy and love.  Lord God, Brendan does not realize it, but each time he does say to someone else, 'chell showed me great mercy and grace'...OH God..that melts my heart, and I believe I fall in love with him all over again each time.  Lord, as my heart rejoices and cries -- cause I am reminded daily - HOW much mercy and grace YOU SHOWED ME...oh God.  Thank you.  I am humbled.  I do want to have my mouth filled with your praise - all day long and I pray right now that this very LONG blog will bring glory and honor to you- and only you - not me!  
Do not cast me away when I am old;
    do not forsake me when my strength is gone.
10 For my enemies speak against me;
    those who wait to kill me conspire together.
11 They say, “God has forsaken him;
    pursue him and seize him,
    for no one will rescue him.”
12 Do not be far from me, my God;
    come quickly, God, to help me.
13 May my accusers perish in shame;
    may those who want to harm me
    be covered with scorn and disgrace.

Oh God, for so long I felt the enemy was a person -- and it was the liar of all lies -- Satan, God he will no longer be able to lie to me.  Thank you - 
14 As for me, I will always have hope;
    I will praise you more and more.    Yes I will!  
15 My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
    of your saving acts all day long—
    though I know not how to relate them all.

Oh God yes...How do I put in words the love I feel when I hear Brendan sharing his story with another and it helps that person?  

How do I put in words the joy I feel when he asks me to pray for something and says ..."cause God hears you"....

How do I put in words that just sitting in this hotel, watching him read his answered prayer?  

How do I put in words that you have given us 'this gift' of restoration ....and how can I tell you how thankful we are?  

Even yesterday..there is so much more, more that will remain private - ours to share...but GOD..YOU did this.  As Morris prophesied  - he saw a 3- braided chord when he looked at me back in September of 2010.  He saw it severed.  He knew instantly of the sin that had entered our lives and our marriage.  He was wise...he shared and let me decide.  As his vision and Your word clearly said..I had a choice.  But YOU Lord, placed a love for my husband so deep into my heart - that could ONLY of been placed there by YOU.  YOU loved Bren THAT much too.  You knew him better than anyone.  And so, you  reminded me show grace and mercy.  And Morris said, that it would take time...and it would hurt and it would be TEDIOUS...but if it was properly spliced back together there - it would never break there again.  THAT is the promise I am holding too!  
  As YOU have healed this and YOU have moved me beyond this.   YOU have moved us both to this point...we could break again at another spot..but this time, we will be watching and on guard, as we have our ARMOR on...HIS word.  Period.  End of story.  

16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, SovereignLord;
    I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me,
    and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.

It is a marvelous deed.  But we are very aware... it is a precious miracle, and we will hold to YOUR promises and keep YOU first!   

18 Even when I am old and gray,
    do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
    your mighty acts to all who are to come.
19 Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens,
    you who have done great things.
    Who is like you, God?

You are my ROCK Lord.  You ARE my strong tower! 
At one of those pivotal soccer games when I felt the world would end...a friend sent me this Scripture in a HELD me....HIS word is what shows us the path! 

20 Though you have made me see troubles,
    many and bitter,
    you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
    you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor
    and comfort me once more.

THESE are the 360's I continue to talk about.  
You comfort me.  
I am on this wonderful trip ...with my husband and it has been like a honeymoon.  We never had one - we are having one no!!  From the tourist stuff we have done, to the teasing I get before bed - oh God, I feel like - finally ...THIS Is what true love, unconditional love ...the love you intended for a husband and wife to share...THIS is the WHY and  this is what it is all about.  Two people - loving you FIRST and joining together in one flesh -- to worship YOU in spirit and in truth - amen!  

And God - I do believe the boys will win today - as THAT is how perfect you are.  As the 'old' memory is that we packed up and went to Wisconsin with a loss in the semi-final and that team went on to win Nationals...the 360 would be that Hunter's team win's today and goes onto Nationals....cause THAT is HOW much you love me.  THAT is how much you love Taylor and our legacy of family in the future.   THAT is how much -- YOU are THAT kind of God. 

 So, Lord, I thank you ahead of time.  I know that I know - that is what YOU would make happen if I needed that...but my flesh is going to praise you no matter what...and if Hunter and his team don't win today - there is still a 360 here, as we pack up and leave together as a family -- back to our home, no separate homes!  Amen.  

However Lord -- I do pray that each and every boy works hard today to play their best and God I pray for Your favor over this team.  That you will be given the glory.  They are playing another good team that has hopes and dreams too- may it just be a great game, may they play their  hearts out and God, may the team that YOU want to win - win.  Amen!  
22 I will praise you with the harp
    for your faithfulness, my God;
I will sing praise to you with the lyre,
    Holy One of Israel.
23 My lips will shout for joy
    when I sing praise to you—
    I whom you have delivered.
24 My tongue will tell of your righteous acts
    all day long,
for those who wanted to harm me
    have been put to shame and confusion.

Brendan and I awaiting to enjoy RUDY's BBQ for his 2nd time and my first...HE was so excited to take me there -- too funny! 
Oh God,  Satan wanted to harm us -- Satan wanted to destroy a family  -- but YOU won.  I realize and know that we will face more trials and who knows what is in store for us 'next'...but we are a united front now - together - bonded with you.  I believe that vision Morris had for us - the three braided chord- has been tediously spliced together and it won't break there again and God I pray it won't be severed in any new spot, but if that should happen - I know that I know - YOU have this.  AS YOU win.  Amen.  

And God ..that this blog would be for Your Glory - not mine- and if it helps just one woman to HANG in there -- and hold onto what God has placed into your heart - to show grace and mercy -- then SO BE it Lord...cause when we are obedient to you ...YOU win!

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful Michelle! Thanks for sharing!!! I am amazed at what God has done for you, Brendan and the family! Your faith and reliance on God is so inspiring!!! XOXO Love, Felecia


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