Do you know what I was doing on June 20th 2010?....(3 years ago) I was preparing to drive to Louisiana to watch Hunter play with his SFE Club Team in the Regional Soccer Cup. WE were so excited that he and his team qualified as they won the REGION III League. However, that year my hubby and I were separated and the kids and I had planned on heading to Louisiana by ourselves but I knew Brendan wanted to come. He eventually asked me if I was 'ok' with him coming. I knew it was important for Hunter to have his dad there, and I wanted help in the driving department, even though feelings and relationships were very strained. It was a week of soccer and family time, but it was very hard and hellish at times ....for me...now I can look back on it and put it behind me - but it was a hard week. And the kids and I laugh now, as they admit it was 'hellish' for them as well. Or 'awkward' is what they said!! VEry.
However, THIS is how awesome our God is - HE is so sweet. Brendan and I will be getting into a car in a few hours and we will be driving to the Regional Soccer Cup in Oklahoma - to watch Hunter and his Team Boca. You see this year, his team qualified because they are the Florida State Cup champs! And....three years later, my God is giving me a DO -over...A chance to make more memories and put them ON top of the yuck that occurred 3 years ago.
Don't get me wrong - there were plenty of FUN memories. For example, Hunter, Taylor and me all sharing one KING sized bed and Brendan having to sleep on the floor. We do laugh about that now. We ate well and we all laughed at the 'northern' kids that were not used to the sweltering HEAT in Louisiana that year, which WE were very used too! Anyway, I also laughed about going each day to the Laundromat and washing the uniforms of two other boys and reading everything under the sun before I would head back to the hotel. I actually enjoyed that quiet time - it was just TOO awkward in our hotel room! And we loved each day as the boys won and won until the final and then - the boys lost and those boys that were so happy each day - were in tears. And truth be told, I was glad to get out of that blistering HEAT and head north!
From there, we left Louisiana, dropped Brendan off at the airport to fly back to Florida, and drove to Wisconsin and made more memories after that. It was just the kids and I and we did have a good visit in Wisconsin and were loved on extra by siblings and cousins!
Anyway, tonight as I was picking up a few things, I came across my journal from that summer and read over and over letters to God and prayers I wrote to God and relived the rawness of that month and of that trip and I just praised God- as we are getting a DO -over and we are BOTH excited about it. As I call them, God is giving me a 360 -- but HE is also giving Brendan a 360 too -- he wants new memories to put over the pain he caused. Just him ( Brendan ) revealing that -- saying that -- brings ME more healing. Thank you Lord!
I also came across these two verses that I would write over and over in my journal -- "He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" Phil 1.6
And.... " I waiting patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry.". Psm. 40.1
Over and over again - I read HIS mercy towards me and I read my hurt all over again - but I could SEE God all over my journal and within our midsts!
And even though I did not SEE what was going on - now in hindsight, God was working on me and changing me but HE was also working on changing Brendan and the kids too ...and that verse is how I would remind myself, that my husband was a good man that got deceived and sidetracked by the enemy, as God HAD begun a good work in him...and I believed that it was God's will to restore!
And wait - June 20th gets even better -- as, on June 20th, 2011 -- was another pivotal day -- it was the day, two years ago that Brendan made the commitment to me that we would really try to make our marriage work and we would sell the house and start fresh....I remember that day like it was yesterday as MUCH transpired that day. It was the Monday after Father's Day weekend and the Monday after Lauren Burk's wedding weekend. .....what can I say - it is etched in my brain!
As that day ( and I blogged about it...it is called...Family..this one particular day - it was posted in July of 2011 ) brought closure to a part of our lives and new beginnings to another. But it was the day that Brendan decided that maybe, just maybe, he could begin to trust God again and step out in faith. It really was the miracle I had been praying for - for years!
That is why the verse about waiting patiently really HIT me this eve as I read that journal.
I waited patiently ...but not really...I just existed most days, and cried lots and prayed a lot but each night, I would fall asleep expectantly that maybe TOMORROW our situation would change and I wold wake and realize it did not....so I waiting until the next day.
Now in hindsight - HOW did I wait patiently?
....praying, believing, seeking counsel, and then focusing on being a servant of God and doing something ELSE to take up the time...
...............and then I would start all over again.
It was HARD!
But it was WORTh it!! Worth it!
'Cause later this morning ....
- I am going to hop in my car with my man and we are going to travel the 1352 miles to Oklahoma, and see scenery we have never seen.
- We will stop for breakfast and share pancakes at McDonald's.
- We will read, listen to some CD's from church, and re listen to a few of our favorite messages from a few good preachers.
- We will check Facebook and text message TP and HP and make sure that Hunter got to Oklahoma in style...on the plane!!
- We will call family, and Brendan will call the Ins. office at least 4x tomorrow!
- We will stop for lunch at Panara or be crazy and find a little DIVE somewhere.
- We will also find a hotel to sleep in and WATCh the Miami HEAT win...the finals!
But mostly ...I will just smile, and be reminded of HOW much God loves happy endings, and HOW HE is going to get the glory in this. And HOW..blessed and how humbled I am.
So, don't give up...write prayers out and date them, and I know that if you stand on the promises of God - HE won't fail you and HE will give you as many 360's as you need to make NEW memories on top of the old yuck...cause THAT is how sweet our God really is - HE loves us THAT much.
Now...can I fall asleep for the next two hours or shall I just blog on another topic?