Friday, June 14, 2013

my soul hungers...... I confess! Forgive me Lord!

There is something that I must confess - something that has been bothering me for a bit.   God has been showing me my error....

Do they really think 'they' can be THAT relaxed about their relationship with our Lord...our God....OUR Creator and think that it does NOT hurt HIS feelings?

Do they really think that NOT going to church is OK?
Do they really think that we are NOT in the end times?
Do they really put everything else before HIM?
Do they really understand that hell is real?
Do they see what they are teaching their kids?
Do they really pray?
Do they really SEEK to know you ?
Do they really think 'all is OK'?

Let me explain.

I was judgmental.
I was a know it all.
I thought I had it 'all'.
I was so wrong.
So wrong.
I was such a Pharisee.

Recently I received a copy of a letter that was sent to both me and my hubby some 20 years ago.  It was sent by a loving dad who wanted the perfect Father's Day gift.   It addressed a few issues within our Christian Walk and it was mailed to us in love.  I know that  I know - I read it 20 years ago and NEVER thought twice about its meaning or did I 'receive' it as in my head - I was FINE.   FINE.   He had to be addressing the others he mentioned in the letter.   I went to church.  I did not swear.  I read the bible occasionally.  I did good.  I was a GREAT mom and a good co-worker.  I scrap-booked, made memories and kept a clean house and when I was asked to be a part of a bible study or a committee, I smiled and did what I was suppose to do!   And...I felt  I did my best to be a good wife and support to my husband.  We had started another business...I was working my tail off...etc.   etc...  etc....

The letter addressed issues like - talking Sunday casually...not attending church faithfully....what we put in our heads....what we watched on TV....what we had our hearts set also reminded us that the enemy can so quickly get in to a family and destroy it.

20 years ago, I know I did not read that letter and UNDERSTAND  that I should of heeded the words.
20 years ago - I thought I knew it all.
20 years ago  - I thought my relationship with Jesus and God was a good as it could be - I was so wrong.

However, I never would of 'seen' it back then.  I just wouldn't of believed I was in error - it had to be the others dad was addressing in the letter.

Only now - 20 years later can I 'see' it.

So back to what has been bothering me.  I confess - I give more grace and mercy to total strangers than I do to the 'ones' I believe have confessed they love God.

Really ?   Yep!  I know I do.
I am still judging them - others.  Yikes.  I confess that.
I need to show more love.

But I just want to scream....John 6.35 says that Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life.  He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.".

I could quote that 20 years ago.  I can quote it now.  I was never THIRSTY.....
Now, I am thirsty.

I see so many that hunger after....their Facebook status...
I see many hunger after their family or friends....
I see many hunger after the social climbing...
I see several hunger after that dinner date, the cell phone app, or even the gym....
I see others hunger over their anger and want revenge...
I see  a few put their needs first...
I see several believing that promiscuity is ok..
I see several thinking that the misuse of drugs and alcohol is ok...
I see several that claim they pray - but I have watched their lives......are they really praying?
I see a few say they have repented -- but I don't see changed lives...

and then I just see many that are --- just apathetic....

I am judging....I am judging their behaviors.......

David Evans spoke to us at church last week, he stated there are two reasons why people don't live as Christ planned for them or they are not making the impact on HIS is because they are either fearful or lazy...

I have been fearful and lazy.
20 years ago I thought things were pretty good.
About 10 years ago - the hole created because it was being filled with other stuff - began to show through....six years ago - things began to get really tense within my  life and the people around it and so I THEN turned to Christ and HIS word.

I sort of stopped judging others - I was too busy worrying about my own affairs.  The hunger came....

It was a hunger like no other .....but I began to fall in love with my God.
I wanted more of HIM.
It was a supernatural transformation that resulted....the past four years have been intense pain and then restoration and recovery  and then....faithfulness!

Faith creates miracles.   Little did I know of what would come next and how that hunger, that supernatural power sustained me.

It took a MAJOR crisis within  my family to get me to where I am today.
I see many families and hurting husbands and wives and I just want to SMACK them ----wake up O sleeper ....wake up.  Do they even see what God sees?  

There -- that is my judging again.
I am so sorry Lord.

I don't wish ANYONE a crisis of faith....I don't wish anyone pain....but some so close - do they realize the enemy speaks louder to them ....consistently?

I need to show mercy and grace to those as well.
However, do they see HOW you have protected them THUS far...they treat you like...YOU will always be there -- when they need you ....and yet, they don't honor and SEEK you now when things are 'better'....why does it take 'yuck' to get us to hunger for you???

There....I have  confessed it.  I know I must continue to show love.  I know I will continue to pray for those families and loved ones right around me that God is protecting.  I know that God wins  and I know that as I have now confessed and asked God to give me a greater LOVE for the lost....

That HE will bring forth MANY opportunities for me to....minister and love on those that have to learn it the HARD way.

As I know that HIS word says..."if we do not abide in prayer, we will abide in temptation".    Lord, God, preserve my soul...keep my heart and all its ways so that I will not be entangled in the past, or stuff, or my judging.  Lord, help me to show love to those I want to SMACK!  Lord, you have shown me again today -- patience and HOW LONG you waited for me......Grow me Lord, enrich my territory and expand those I reach via this blog ...or my work...or just my Fbook status...I don't want to be judgmental.  I want 'them' to long and HUNGER after you ...cause YOU deserve that honor and respect and that love.  Lord, may they understand the true meaning of worshiping you...may they see and ask I putting you first Lord?  Lord, I know I put you 2nd for far too long - and I know I am forgiven for that -- God, may this prayer touch just one -- may this prayer make just one, seek you in a deeper way.  May just one person - 'get it'.  God, I don't want to be fearful or lazy  and as Pastor David Evan all boils down to a form of pride.  God...may there be NO pride.  Even if I feel like I got this now.......I don't!   Lord, continue to teach me...Lord, I don't ever want to be prideful ...only to have pride in WHAT you continue to bless me with!  I am so proud to be called YOURS.

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