It is 2:30 am. Brendan and Hunter left for Dallas tonight. I dropped them off and went to Ross and tried on about 20 different dresses and enjoyed every minute of it until I had to wait almost 20 min. to check out. Ate by myself at Panera at the LOOP and then onto the Turnpike and home. Then I cruised the aisles of Wal-mart and just enjoyed being alone....I knew TP was not at home and I was overcome by emotions. I realized this 'being alone' felt so different this time. I was alone because I choose to be, not cause I had to be. Again, not going backwards but usually each day or at least every other day, God clearly blesses me and shows me little delights that mean nothing to others but the WORLD to me. I was happy. Happy. And sort of key-d up...so I will write.
We took a Harley ride today. Helmet on and an empty backpack and set off for the mall. Our first shopping trip on the bike. We were headed to the Journey store to get some Puma's for Brendan and his trip. The sky was so pretty. The air, clear, and the ride....nice. We talked and chatted and then had a detour which made stopping for lunch not possible, but we found the shoes, had a treat of cookies at the cookie place and were back on the bike and home. Everyone says we need to be careful and I want to assure you, we are. Brendan is so cautious. So cautious. I noticed four different times today where he was thinking ahead and then he tells me 'what' to watch for, as I am going to be a lone rider some day too. I stop and think...'gee, will I be able to think of all those things?'. He watches safety videos and stuff all the time, and it shows. Maybe I will be content to just be the rider.... Anyway, I saw three different women in cars being very unsafe. Unsafe. ONe lady was holding a sheet of directions in her left hand, trying to steer and holding the cell with her right and barely made the corner. Thing is, she hitting us would of been disastrous...probably just superficial wounds four her and people tell us to be safe. We are ...but it is the other drivers we really have to watch out for.
I wore a t-shirt and a jacket but I was afraid I may be too hot. So I left my gloves at home. Then I was too cold so I placed my hands down on Brendan's legs and I could feel the heat off the engine and it was sort of like a seat warmer - cool. The cooler air on my face and the warm engine on my hands and of course sort of sitting close and snuggling up to Brendan -- made it even sweeter. NO wonder women love to ride with their men! I would look to my left and see beautiful Florida flora and fauna and then to my right and see cows....it was just a beautiful ride. We are planning a trip to Wisconsin and renting some bikes there - I really can't wait to be a rider then too! When we got to the mall, we couldn't really our gear on the bike, we don't have saddlebags yet, so we walked the mall with our stuff. People did stare. Sort of felt super special, we are in jeans and jackets holding helmets when most people are in skimpy shorts and tank tops. Praise God for A/C.
Oh and, there really is no 'cute' way to pick a bug out of your nose when sitting on a Harley. Especially when one flies up your nose at a stop sign and you can't really wiggle your head or jump around as you are grossed out -- cause it will cause a weight shift on the bike and mess up the driver. Just saying. The windshield really does work, but what could of prevented that bug from flying up there at a stop sign.....I did have a good laugh and probably rubbed my nose for about 5-10 miles after that!
OK -- that was the Random thoughts..... but they lead to this.....
On that bike today I realized two things.
1. I am happy. Really happy. Just happy and thankful. The past seven months have been a moving forward.....but I had a big cautious sign in my heart....and today, it occurred to me --- that sign is gone. There has been more healing but also, there is a greater peace and my walls are down and gone. I find myself speaking my heart and not worrying about rejection or that affirmation. And THAT is very liberating and God. Not to say there won't be rocky spots again, or some speed bumps, but the fear is gone. And that is a good thing.
And 2. Matthew 7: 24-27........ This scripture reads about the hearing the words of God and then putting them into practice. The wise man builds his house on that rock so when the rain comes, the house does not fall. It goes on to speak about the foundation made of sand...that falls.
My last blog post was for the godly women that I am so thankful for. And I added a note about the godly men that also stepped up.
But today after pondering this scripture on reflecting and prayer over it while on the bike, God reminded or confirmed something to me. Something I had been praying about. In therapy and through the hurt, things are said at times, and then taken back or things are questioned and the enemy hears that and loves to bring it back to cause doubt. There was a doubt....a doubt that perhaps there never really was a foundation to start with in my marriage. Ha Ha. Too Bad Satan. There was.
It really hit me and I got tickled and laughed out loud to myself while we went past I95 onto Martin Grade.....there was a foundation. God ordained our marriage. God did. There was a foundation. There was a foundation that was planted by both sets of our parents. Both of us from early on were brought up in the knowledge of Jesus and how HE saves us. Both of us, heard countless bible stories of miracles and so forth. Both of us believed in God. There was a foundation there. And, as young marrieds, we did pursue HIM....and then our kids were born and they too were taught and witnessed a good foundation....how do I know....
As when the storm hit....the house stood. It was swayed....it lost some of its prettiness...but guess what, it stood. It did not fall, because its foundations were on the rock.
It did not fall because people were obedient.
It did not fall because God wins.
It did not fall, period.
I guess when it all really sunk in, I wanted the ability to WRITE it in the sky and then highlight the clouds. That revelation brought forth such peace and that happiness.
Now....I am no Pollyanna and realize that once we are fully out of this valley, we will probably be hit with something else...THAT is what makes life interesting. We are in a battle between good and evil and until that is done....the world or Satan may continue to battle for our hearts -- but the war is already WON!
So there it is...thank you Lowell and Marilyn...thank you Sandy and Jim.......
Lord, bless our folks as I type and thank you Lord for this revelation. The Enemy is never going to be able to cause doubt in me ...in this area... again as it has been cast out!
Thank yo Lord....amen.