Saturday, January 5, 2013

being real and sharing/ Dear Mrs. Alone...

It is January and the new year.  I have not posted or written in a bit - spent much of my vacation reading good things but watching bad Reality TV - ha. 

Honey Boo Boo - is just sad.  Just saying. 
Duck Dynasty is good, just good.
Hot in Cleveland  - Betty White is funny, but again it is usually adult humor and well, I am sort of getting convicted of that.... I went back to watching the Brady Bunch and Full House - that is safer. 

God has reminded me over and over, how HE is changing me.  Some of that 'stuff' is just no longer funny and I DO NOT want nor wish to be thought of as a prude, but you know that old saying that we taught to our kids, "hey ...would  you watch that show with Jesus sitting next to you?"
Well, I had someone ask that of me - WHOA.  Just WHOA.  God changes people. 

But the NEATEST thing about it...I am not judging if others want to watch it -- it is just that I don't want to - the DESIRE is no longer!   Guess I am becoming a grown up - !!!  

I love you Lord, but I digressed....the title of the blog post is Dear Mrs. Alone.  I am going to REPOST something cause God asked me to.  Again I will share, I read this book by Debi Pearl some time ago  - at a time I was desperate to read anything that would give me answers, but I read it at God's appointed time.  As I said, it is a tough read, a HARD thing to swallow -- as it deals mostly with submission to our husbands and what that really looks like. And with today's 'women' and how I was raised, it was a difficult read.  You have to read it and ask God to give you peace, as there is much in there that goes against how I behaved or acted, but I wanted to be obedient and do it GOD's way - as I know HIS way is best.  So it meant RETEACHING my brain stuff and rethinking about stuff.  Hard! 

Over the holidays, between family,  extended family, and reading several blogs  I became aware again of some  more hurting wives...and prayers began.  And I asked God over and over -- use me, and I believe that is why I am posting again and speaking out this eve.   I would hope that they would read this post and rethink.   As I have come to find out there are people that read this that I don't know but they know of me.  And I am praying now, as there are several different people that come to mind just this moment as I type, but I know that GOD has so many more out there...that are just too quiet and shy to think or believe that God can CHANGE their marriage too.  

HE can.

 Just rethink.  I was searching on the Internet one night last month, late,  and came across some old Angela Thomas videos where she was being interviewed and she spoke about making a conscience effort to CHANGE some old habits and making a CHOICE to rethink and renew her mind, especially after becoming single with four children and what she was going to do 'next'. It does take a LOT Of HARD work and prayer to change something or to believe that GOD will win. 

However, it also takes some steps of faith and swallowing one's PRIDE and SEEKING some professional help when it is needed.  ( I go to the dentist for a toothache...I go to a dermatogolist when I know I have an unusal spot why can't I go and seek some professional help on personal stuff?)   I have heard my husband say it over and over, "the definition of insantity is doing the same thing over and over".  So many of us do that.   I think we, as women,  get very good at putting things under the rug and just going on.    WE find every excuse, especially the money aspect, but yet we spend money on stuff that does not matter. 

I have seen it SO many times and have read it in MANY books....if you don't deal with the hurt, the pain, and the problem --- it will just come back in another form.  Watch Dr. Phil, he says that almost each day.  ( Sort of glad I am going back to school - tired of those type of shows. I just want to reach in the TV and shake up the wife or woman ..even the man at times and go - WAKE up...SEEK God...pray and PUT AWAY your pride.......get the help! ) 

Get the help.....
There is NO SHAME in stating... "we are seeking a marriage counsleor"...."we are seeking a psychologist"...."we are seeking a sexologist" a CHRISTIAN one who values marriage!!!!!!!!!!!

  Praise God we found one that was  all three...all four....Just saying and BEING real here.....I am TIRED of seeing couples just push things under the rug.  ( And please, I am being very honest and real and pouring my heart out here, so please read this, ponder it, act on it, do something but call and talk to me if you want too...don't talk about me and this subject if I am no where near.  I would NEVER want to dishonor God nor my husband in sharing this, but I believe God wants me to speak up and HE will protect it.)

 Dig deep.  I promise YOU.....I Promise YOU...what HE has waiting for you on the other pure is such a new and different marriage on the other side of this freedom.   Your marriage does not have to be in DEEP turmoil to get MUCH from reading the Debi Pearl book...but, I know God will use it to change something.  God did not intend for you to have a stale and loveless marriage.....all that SECULAR stuff you see on Christian Mingle .com...or whatever mingle .com...or in the movies...CAN happen in healthy CHRISTIAN marriages....but be real. 

Ok,  that was my 'soap box' there - been praying for weeks about sharing and saying that and tonight  is the night to spill...but as I stated, I wanted to repost the letter titled  Dear Mrs. Alone....and I did not copy, cut and paste it this eve, I typed it out as I needed to read it again.  EAch day I renew my mind, I make a choice to forgive, and live and act in the freedom God granted to me, so I grant that to others.  I am BAR FAR NOT perfect...OH LORD, I am NOT.  And I fail ...moment by moment, as my flesh is very real and very selfish...very selfish, but I know what God did for me, so I will try my best to be obedient to HIM.  And in return, HE continues to be faithful, merciful, and gives so much more BACK to me, that I pray...I will NEVER forget the HARD it has brought me to here...brought us to here...and it will save another's marriage...some day, I know, God will use us. 

So here is that letter:
 Lord for the one or two or whomever YOU have reading this post today - may they read it, ponder it, act upon it..give them the courage to do something HARD and begin to seek the godly counsel through their Pastor or Church and may they also seek Professional help if it is needed...YOU will guide and direct, I know it - make it clear.  I know You heal and I am thankful for that - I pray that this blog post  was pleasing to  You; protect this post in a way like never before, as the Enemy will use it to hurt cause he hates it when YOU win.  Amen. 

Dear  Mrs. Alone, 
Thank you for your letter.  Your letter is something women should read so I am placing it in my book for others to read.   Sincerely, Debi Pearl
Dear Mrs. Pearl,
       I would like to tell my story, that others may be warned, I am alone but never thought I would be.  I made many mistakes in my marriage but I wish someone would of pulled me aside and given me some advice. I hear many young marrieds or women complaining, but they need to seek God's word, they need to be open to the truth.
     The things I did or failed to do were not everyday, constantly overt, or in the face actions.  They were subtle, ebbing and flowing, but there - nonetheless.
     When my husband acted shelfishly at home, allowed his temper to flare, and sometimes said curse words, and then went to church and acted spiritual, I wish I had prayed positively for him instead of withdrawing a little emotionally from him and letting my cynicism and lack of confidence in him be so manifest.  I wish I had openly showed love and acceptance to him for himself, not impatiently wait until he acted right. 
     When my husband failed the children, failed to have devotions, failed to be spiritual, failed to lead as he shoud, I wish I had completely trusted God and maintained unity, honor, reverence, and submission with a glad and trusting heart. I wish I had kept the children honoring him and praying for their dad instead of allowing my martyred attitude to mainfest itself so openly.
     When he made a statment about someone or something, I wish I had not always put his opinion down, letting him know he was wrong again.
     When he acted like a jerk, I wish I had remained quiet and prayed for him, loved him anyway instead of letting him know what I thought about him and his actions.  (personal note...we are not talking about being abused - that is very different)
     When he tried to make it up to me, for some failure, I wish I had not been so cool, waiting for him to suffer a little more and be more intense and sincere about his apology.
     When he spent money I thought we did not have, I wish I had remainded quiet and trusted God. I wish I had shown continued confidence in him, regardless of his actions and decisions.
     When he wanted me to do something, I did not want to do, I wish I had cheerfully complied instead of making him sorry he asked.  Hardheadedness is not a trait to endear any woman to a man.
     When he needed a woman to believe in him, admire him, approve of him, accept him, regardless of his failures, I wish now that I had been the one to give him those things.
     When I thought keeping his faults before him, just small things he did and said, and keeping myself a little standoffish in my approval of him, was the only way he would chnage -- I wish someone would of taken me aside and told me how badly mistaken I was to think that it was MY place to apply and keep the pressure on.
     When he was in the company of family and friends, I wish I had not taken on a martyred air when he left to go off and doing something on his own.
     When he did not know how to show love, and I felt a void emotionally, I wish I had borne all things and hoped all things and loved him unconditinally, instead of giving up inside and turning to friends and family for my emotional support and needs.  I never saw the need to endear myself to him.  I took for granted that he would fulfill the husband's moral obligation to love me.  I wish I had gone to "God's beauty school" for the whole woman.
     I wish someone would of told me.
Sincerely, Mrs. Alone

Tough read?  I had my therapist read this and give me her opinion on it.  She reminded me that physical abuse is something that HAS to be addressed and we both felt that was not the case with Mrs. Alone.  Verbal abuse these days can cause just as much harm and this book was written almost 40 years ago - so much has changed.  Girls are being raised differently, family structure is different, but I still believe this letter speaks to many.  I believe the main idea is show unconditional love.  Unconditional. 

I got married young.  I had no idea.  Our counselor reminded us that many that get married young just get married cause that was what was NEXT...the life begins, kids happen, and all of a sudden you realize - where are we?  Who am I?  and ...well....Anyway, Christian marriages should be different -- Jesus should radiate so much from our lives and our walk that others WANT what we have...but, some of us just need a good revial and renewal of sorts.  Please, if this was for you this eve..I pray that God will show you exactly what to do next. 

With much love,

Please don't give up...God wins.
 HE can restore and give back what the locusts have taken.
 You can win your husband to the Lord by YOUR actions and your walk with Christ....and if you both claim to love the Lord, see justice, love mercy and walk humbly - micah 6.8 ...but get the help needed.  Don't allow Pride and what others think to STOP  you.

And don't allow the Enemy to steal your inheritance--if you and your man need to seek just some spiritual forgiveness for the stupid actions of your youth, whether they were 'ok' back then and under the influence of others....well....still...God is speaking to you to make a CLEAN start, there is freedom in confession-then do it, start clean and fresh.  There is no condemantion in Christ Jesus, but HE has to be first - there can't be any other gods..any gods.....any. 

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