Monday, December 14, 2015

When you hurt -When I hurt -- Psalm 25

When you really hurt --  don't you just want others to hurt too?
Let's be honest -- I want to have a good tantrum at times - today would be one of them -- but too many will judge ----

Did they see the sleepless nights?
 Did they notice you fasted - sacrificially for more than 24 hours?
Do they realize -- that you are hurting too?
Did they realize I am just as spent or hurt or frustrated??
Lord -- rescue ---

When God has asked me to do something and be 'somebody' to another and I did not -- that was disobedience and I knew it.  However, HE forgave me and moved on - to a time and place when HE knew I would not decline the invitation again. he knew I would speak truth and intercede with prayer.

This time and place is hard though -- it is not that easy. 

And, I don't like being in that place -- its a place that I have no control over.
It is a place where at times, I am in pins and needles -- waiting.  
It is a place where I must wait. And wait in silence, believing that my Savior is fighting for me!
It is a place where ONLY true wisdom and comfort can come from above -- for both sides from both sides. 

It sucks.
I want to cry and scream so loudly that someone will notice -- but HE reminds me -- I am beyond that -- I know the goodness of the Lord, and I have seen it -- so HE asks me to wait.

In the meantime, in the God time.....  why can't there just be chocolates on my bed and the covers turned down?

Why can't there be a dozen roses being delivered right now -- so I know that I know -- I did not mess up God's plans --??

Why can't it be like a soap opera or drama where the commercial breaks and when you return, the right party is there in the back groud and hears the dialog and then apologizes or brings in the HERO to save the day....?  

And why can't Satan and his helpers just leave my thoughts alone for one day? 

And why, can't I see  BEYOND "it" at the present moment?
 It is cause of my flesh -- Right?


So, I turn to God's Word -- for me.  

Psalm 25[a]

Of David.

In you, Lord my God,
    I put my trust.   I don't trust myself --   ONLY YOU...speak --I must 'them' through God --
I trust in you;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    nor let my enemies triumph over me.  It certainly seems that you had some angels that fell asleep on the job -- and they have banded together to just leave me  I need to know that I am still the apple of YOUR eyes -- as I am not that apple in others right now --
No one who hopes in you
    will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
    who are treacherous without cause.  You see Lord, this verse is not too good -- as I want 'bad stuff' to happen to those evil ones.  There are many evil ones, but what about the ones that just mock and curse you ??   They seem to get to have their point stated and mourned...and I must be quiet .....  And while I am at it Lord,    I want the forsaken to be redeemed -- sooner than later, it is not happening fast enough, then again, that is my opinion-- and I want the righteous   to win....  I will take comfort in the fact that your Word does promise you will fight our battles  and that nothing is a surprise for You, but Lord, could you let me in on some of your actions?  --
Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.   My HOPE has to be in you -- but of late, I put some hope into some others -- people....they will always fail me and they did -- forgive me Lord, help me to move beyond what I hope and see as 'their solution' to WHAT YOUR solution is -- as I know it will be BETTER than what I could of ever imagined and it will be YOUR what I thought was best.  

Forgive me Lord, for trying too hard -- Temper my passion with patience... I need YOUR divine intervention Lord, as I admit - I am very needy today -- and WANT to see your goodness and hear my 'atta girl'. 
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
    for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth
    and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
    for you, Lord, are good.  I have been rebellious with my thoughts and some of my actions -- Lord, forgive me...and I forgive those who have trespassed against me -- and hurt my feelings -- big time. 
Good and upright is the Lord;
    therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
    and teaches them his way.  Teach me, teach me... show the ones I have failed -- that I was only trying my best --  deliver me me HOW to walk in this role of just being quiet.....deliver me from the snare...of a past sin -- help me to move forward --
10 All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
    toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, Lord,
    forgive my iniquity, though it is great.  For her lord.... help her - see that her iniquity in Your eyes is as 'bad' as she believes her other half's is...God, remind us there is NO grade on sin - sin is sin.  Disobedience is disobedience.... 
12 Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?
    He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.[b]
13 They will spend their days in prosperity,
    and their descendants will inherit the land.
14 The Lord confides in those who fear him;
    he makes his covenant known to them.  I fear you Lord, make it known to me -- let me see the good that will come -- I can wait, and will trust -- but could you hurry up?  Your  Word says you will instruct me -- please ..DO it loudly speak over my head -- enter into my mind and take over Lord.  
15 My eyes are ever on the Lord,
    for only he will release my feet from the snare.  Release me - BIG time.You know what Lord, you did release me and I took it back -- I must of gotten mixed up!  I know better! 
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.  You know at times Lord, that I have no one to ask see comfort from...nor do I get the affirmation needed -- and must all come from you.  So be gracious to me..... give me strength  - I take it back. But it is OK Lord, I believe YOU want me to come only to you.   Lord, help that one be gracious to others.  Help me to show grace and mercy to the ones hurting as I know, hurting people hurt others. 
17 Relieve the troubles of my heart
    and free me from my anguish.  Free me - please -- today is not a good one.
18 Look on my affliction and my distress
    and take away all my sins.
19 See how numerous are my enemies
    and how fiercely they hate me!  Boy that was LOUD and clear today Lord -- if you could protect me from those types of attacks in the future - I would greatly appreciate it.
20 Guard my life and rescue me;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    for I take refuge in you.  Guard me Lord --  I take my refuge in YOU -
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope, Lord,[c] is in you.
22 Deliver Israel, O God,
    from all their trouble.  God yes..... deliver me.  As You know my heart today -- my heart wants to quit it all -- and be just that back row church pew sitter -- and be content; but my mind won't allow me to go there. 

 I NEED you today - Deliver Michelle Lord...  Deliver me...   may I only walk with integrity and uprightness.  Protect me Lord.  

Lord for the ones that were on my prayer list today -- I prayed.  But now, I am spent -- they are yours -- only YOU can fix them.  Lord, I can't WANT it more than they do -- they must fight - It won't be a zap and ALL will be better -- they must fight -- I pray they fight!  IN Jesus name.  Amen.  

And then...... my daughter posts this on FB and sums it all up --   thank you Lisa. 

Lord, forgive me when my feelings take over -- tonight, after time with you and venting it out ----  You are close and I choose to be close back -- and thank you for rearranging my feelings.  Amen. 

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