But back to September of 2010.... I was reading something that changed some perspective.
Submission. What did it really look like?
True submission to HIM, being broken and poured out. THAT is the only way we can come before him with godly sorrow and then godly repentance.
I believe that our pain will continue until we truly worship HIM and not our pain, nor our spouse or ex-spouse.
I believe that often the pain continues...because one does not obey what God has asked that person to do.
I believe that often, WE justify how we feel or do because we believe WE deserve that or it...when in fact, we are to empty ourselves of us and allow the filling of Jesus and Holy Spirit.
I believe that that when we consistently deny God and WHAT HE can do and do our OWN thing....there comes a point where that 'parachute' may not open.
We already know that God will allow junk to happen, as His purpose is to draw us close. But what about all the consequences of our actions....walking those out - hurt and frustration? But I still believe that if we praise HIM in the storm and live faithfully and obediently.....HE will bring the beauty out of those ashes -- FASTER.
Most often people don't understand submission.
It took the loss of my marriage before I truly found God. As Holy Spirit showed me, I had created my own god out of my marriage and husband. I was always busy doing -- but not doing WHAT the Lord had asked.
When my hands got into this book, I spent 3 days in tears, reading to myself and quickly drying those tears making sure NO one saw them. This book spoke volumes.
But, submission really had to be TO God.... and I had to seek godly advice then His grace and mercy prevailed through me.
And with that submission, I had to change and DO something different.
Consequently....I had become 'sick' of fighting, 'sick' of waiting, and 'sick' of just being neglected and a sweet women reminded me to SUCK it up and deal - or get OUT, but make a decision and then stick to it. However, that decision needed to be OK with God.
I knew what God had already asked. I knew what I was to do ...buy my flesh rallied against me.
And, it also took DOING something different --
Maybe the one reading this tonight is AT that point --- maybe God has drawn you to this blog post this evening and you are reading the following letter and hearing from God too.
After I read it, several times, I knew I had to seek and ask forgiveness of my husband. This letter sort of hits MANY different aspects of a marriage and its problems.
I posted it first on September 21, 2010. I felt Holy Spirit led me to post it again.
Thank you for your letter. Your letter is something woman should read so I am placing it in my book for others to read.
Sincerely, Debi Pearl
Here it the letter:
Dear Mrs. Pearl, I would like to tell my story . . that others may be warned .. I'm alone but never thought I would be … I made many mistakes in my marriage but I wish someone would of pulled me aside and given me some advice. I hear many young marrieds or woman complaining…but they need to seek God’s word, they need to be open to the truth.
The things I did or failed to do were not everyday, constantly overt, or in the face actions. They were subtle, ebbing and flowing, but there, nonetheless.
When my husband acted selfishly at home, allowed his tempter to flare, and sometimes said curse words, and then went to church and acted spiritual, I wish I had prayed positively for him instead of withdrawing a little emotionally from him and letting my cynicism and lack of confidence in him be so manifest. I wish I had openly showed love and acceptance of him for himself, not impatiently wait until he acted right.
When my husband failed the children, failed to have devotions, failed to be spiritual, failed to lead as he should, I wish I had completely trusted God and maintained unity, honor, reverence, and submission with a glad and trusting heart. I wish I had kept the children honoring him and praying for their dad instead of allowing my martyred attitude to manifest itself so openly.
When he made a statement about someone or something, I wish I had not always put his opinion down, letting him know he was wrong again.
When he acted like a jerk, I wish I had remained quiet and prayed for him, loved him anyway instead of letting him know what I thought about him and his actions.
When he tried to make it up to me, for some failure, I wish I had not been so cool, waiting for him to suffer a little more and be more intense and sincere about his apology.
When he spent money I thought we did not have, I wish I had remained quiet and trusted God. I wish I had shown continued confidence in him, regardless of his decisions.
When he wanted me to do something, and I did not want to do it, I wish I had cheerfully complied instead of making him sorry he asked. Hardheadedness is not a trait to endear any woman to a man.
When he needed a woman to believe in him, admire him, approve of him, accept him, regardless of his failures, I wish now that I had been the one to give him those things.
When I thought keeping his faults before him— just small things he did and said— and keeping myself a little standoffish in my approval of him, was the only way he would change, I wish someone would of taken me aside and told me how badly mistaken I was to think that it was my place to apply and keep the pressure on.
When he were in the company of family and friends, I wish I had not taken on a martyred air when he left to go off and do something on his own.
When he did not know how to show love, and I felt a void emtionally, I wish I had borne all things and hoped all things, and loved him unconditionally, instead of giving up inside and turning to friends and family for my emotional support and needs. I never saw the need to endear myself to him. I took for granted that he would fulfill the husband’s moral obligation to love me. I wish I had gone to “God’s Beauty School” for the whole woman.
I wish someone would of told me . .
Lord, I am not quite sure who will read this today.
Maybe you wanted me to post this just as a reminder to myself, if that is the case - OK!
I reread it and heard her pain.
Lord, I pray right now for the wife or one who this may be meant for, Lord, may she see YOU and follow YOUR lead in helping her marriage get back onto the right track, under YOU.
Lord, I Love you and thank you our miracle. Amen.
Lord, maybe some one just needs to be reminded that it is time to SUCK it up and deal, or make a change.
Lord, maybe the one reading this is tired of the insanity.... and that they will finally NOW do something to change and get out of that RUT.
Lord, maybe that means professional help and therapy -- make a way.
I thank you again Lord, for my miracle ......for the fact YOU went to that Cross for me and my sin. Thank you Lord for forgiving me!
I am humbled.