I wrote it back in 2015. As I read it, I found myself trying to make sense of something again. I have been praying with one wife for over a year now. I told God a few days ago -- enough was enough -- the time span had been long enough and with that I began to try and figure out the 'why'....
And again, God extends such mercy and reminds me -- He is not surprised and He has not abandoned the situation. He also reminded me of how I 'dealt' with a similar situation for almost three years -- that indeed I needed those three years to truly get to the END of myself.
So I am sharing again. When we try and make sense....
One of the things I have learned is THAT I can't make sense of things.
Well let me explain....I can make sense that 2 + 2 = 4.
I can tell you that if I turn the oven on - it gets hot.
I understand and realize that it takes 9 months or longer to produce a baby....and that only women can do that!
I realize that most problems are caused by our own actions but some problems or situations are not our fault or caused by our actions.
THAT is when I continually go to God and ask WHY.?
However, in my 49+ years now - I realize that HE does not have to explain HIMSELF - HE is God.
When we try to figure it out - we are putting ourselves RIGHT there as an equal with HIM.
I don't ever want to do that.
I don't want to even think that I know it all.
Earlier this week, I prayed with a woman about a situation and we both wanted to try and figure out the 'why'...but I had to remind myself and her -- sometimes we are never given the 'why'...we have been allowed into this situation because HE wants to teach us something, or draw us close, or discipline us -- in any of the circumstances -- God has to be the one in control.
Five years ago, I asked many - to stand in the gap with me and pray for a man that had 'soul cancer'. I misinterpreted scripture and went before a body of believers and 'called him out'. I asked strangers that worshiped with me, in a polite and tearful way, to join with me and pray for my husband. I really thought I had it figured out. I really believed that I would go before many, seek their prayers, and by the end of the week - my family would be restored.
I just really thought it was THAT simple.
Boy - was I WRONG.
Now, God knew my heart and HE brought some very good results out of that situation but by my doing that it also severed any bit of real hope in him - for my husband to even think I could be trusted.
I mean, it totally severed 'what was left' of the relationship I had with that him at that time and moment.
He was hurt. I was to pray for him...I was to seek others to join me in prayer - but I wasn't to make a public spectacle of it - there were many people that were unaware of his actions and it brought shame and hurt. Since then, I have sought out forgiveness -- I was just wrong. I was an immature Christian. A hurting woman. But I had NO clue of that at the time.......but I believe God used my choice of action as a teaching point for me and for others as well. ( HE later taught and showed me where I went wrong - it was a lesson I will never forget!)
The bible says, "he who is without sin -cast the first stone". There was one thing I really did not know or understand....secret sin. I had secret sin too - I shouldn't of cast a stone - as I was just as guilty of sin.
Sin is sin.
Some sin is public for others to see.
Most sin is private.
But sin is sin. God is the judge - not me...not others...not others!
I had hatred in my heart.
I had committed spiritual adultery. But no one really saw that....
It is hard to make sense of things. Most times it is impossible!
|Taylor created this.....|
I wish I could say I waited patiently...from the outside people said I was patient, but I really wasn't.
But God had to do so much FIXING in me first and had to change quite a bit of me and how I thought about stuff - cause I was still trying to make sense.
However, I also had to learn to trust God. I had to let God be my ONE true love.
Once you really get a grip on WHAT that means.....with GOD being ALL.....the rest does not seem to be THAT important. And the NEED to have it figured out ---diminished.
So again, I blog this evening and there is a deep burden on my heart and it has been a focus of prayer today and I am reminded that I don't have to try and make sense of it all.
I am reminded that God wins.
I am reminded that a window of heaven has opened -- now -- today --- there is a movement within our American churches today -- we want MORE of HIM.
I believe the women of God are rising up.....I have seen this.
I believe the women of God are understanding that we must TRUST HIM more!
And because of that -- the ENEMY will be striking more.
I am also reminded that our time is short.
He will continue to seek, kill, and destroy as we as women of God are hated by him. He is a liar. And with our world so quick to be mindful of 'what is right'......we, as women of God, will NEED to be strong with our ARMOR ON!
WE must be ready!
Our families.....ARE being attacked.
I bet it is around you too - I bet that if you are reading this and you are aware of the spiritual rheum - there is someone that you could STAND in the gap for right now....let them know you will pray...please. THAT meant SO much to me in my time of crisis of faith....OH GOD...THAT is how HE sustained me.
And I will leave you with this scripture that blessed me so and credit my daughter for the graphic!
Lamentations 3. 29 from the Message bible...
"When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter
the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions. Wait for hope to
Get away by yourself...seek HIM. Allow HIM to speak to you - be quiet. BOW in prayer - do it. Don't ask God why...don't ask questions.....listen, read HIS word...and wait for hope to appear and it will.
I know it will.
I have lived long enough to know -- that while we are in the middle of something...it seems hard to see BEYOND the hurt and the circumstances......but HOLD on -- allow the friend to pray for you...
.....allow another to stand in the gap...
Go before HIM...seek HIM....
Hold your tongue - but be villigent in prayer and watch....God will give you little tidbits of blessings or signs where you will know .....HE is at work - so wait for the FULL answer or the HOPE to appear!
I have seen it within our lives. Don't give up!