Sawyer Jane Padrick joined her mom, dad , and her sister, Ava on one of the coldest days in Florida this year.
It has been 36 hours and our lives have changed. This precious little girl came into the world at 11.29 pm on January 5th. She was given 3 different due dates - December 16th, December 21st and January 1st with 1/1/18 as the one that stuck with the OBGyn and the Midwives.
God appointed the date and time... January 5th at 11.29.
I was in the room. I witnessed my daughter trust her Lord and believe in the system that God created to "birth a human". I watched my baby birth a baby. I watched my child labor for over 24 hours and as her labor did not progress there was a moment when I had to leave the birthing sweet and get to my knees and 'lay' the entire process at HIS feet and then I asked God to help me be TOUGH for her -- to remind her that whether she came by c-section or vaginally -- the end result was indeed -- good.
I praise God that I had some sisters of my own to call upon and pray for me -- iron sharpens iron and God tells us to ASK....and He will answer. God wants us to trust our burdens with our fellow believers.
There is SO much I want to say - so many lessons God showed and taught me while I watched her 'rock' out contractions. So many lessons while I watched and helped by giving her shoulder massages and stretched out her neck. So many insights into HOW God orchestrates while family joined, added humor, and HOW God provides in many different ways -- even by blessing Jake with some extra time off so he can be present when SJ comes home! So many lessons -- just in watching a fetal monitor. And yet...a peace that transcended ALL understanding. I am in awe. I encountered God in a most sweet way. God responds in favor when we are obedient - I witnessed this over and over in the life of my daughter. And as a mother, those moments when your adult children are right there and totally relaying on our Father in Heaven -- it is just surreal. It is a moment, that if the Lord tarries... I want to experience when both Ava and Sawyer go through it- if that is in God's plan. I guess I am calling forth and declaring that both Ava and Sawyer will grow into their roles as mothers in their future and their lives will be filled with favor as they live and grow in the knowledge of their Father and seek and honor Him.
In the 26 years since I birthed Sawyer's mom-- Taylor --so much has changed. I never progressed in labor and after almost 2 days of medicine and inducing techniques, Taylor emerged on February 6th by Cesarean Section. She was 2 weeks overdue. The nurses stated they won't even let mothers go to 42 weeks anymore. I recovered in a sterile plain room and listened to other patients moan and grown next door cause the walls were so thin. Now, Taylor is recovering in a beautiful room with a bed for dad and the walls have insulation and are beautiful! There is a shower IN the room, I had to walk down the hallway and carry my soap and towel with me.
Back then Taylor went to a nursery and SJ ( Sawyer Jane) stays IN their room.
Back then, they told me my breasts would not be enough for her 9 pound 13 ounce body - to which I was thankful for, because I had determined that I was not going to breast feed. Personal reasons. Now -- I am watching my child walk into this experience with full confidence that God will help her - proof that a mother's fears and opinions DO not have to be transferred to the next generation.
Back then they did not have KING sized birthing suites where family can be supportive and be there. I did not have immediate family that close 26 years ago and I am not sure I would of wanted anyone in the room, but this time -- what a joy to spend 2 days with the other half of our family -- Jake's parents and his brother. And Hunter was able to witness and be a part of the day of laboring.
Basically - Taylor entered the hospital Thursday - her blood pressure was dictating an induction. Once that was under control they started to induce which is a slow process but in SJ's case, it seemed that Taylor's body was taking its own sweet time. God provided a very sweet nurse to walk those 10 hours out once we left and went home around midnight. But I was back by 6.18am on Friday!
I was speaking to my sister on Thursday night and she could hear Taylor speaking in the background and said, "oh is that Taylor?"
Me: "Yes, she is speaking to her best friend the nurse".
"oh, ya... your labor nurses always become so close --like a best friend!".
" No - I mean - Yes, but LITERALLY it is one of her best friends from high school - is her labor nurse - you have met her - it's Emily!".
"oh !!! How perfect!"
And we both laughed.
By Friday at 3am, she was 3cm and 70% efaced so by 7am, they broke her water as she was at 4cm but my 7:30 pm she was only 6 cm and then.... thoughts of labor not progressing began.
By 7:31 I was seeking Jesus! That was the moment that FEAR wanted to squeeze in and I was NOT going to allow that. But I had to remove myself and get with God.
God -- was in control and it was a beautiful thing to see us all hunker down and seek Jesus for a MOVE and she went from 6cm to 9 cm by 9pm! We were dancing...WELL...I was indeed dancing at 9pm when the nurse anesthetist came to the room to give Tay an extra boost in her Epidural to one of Elevation's praise songs and looked at me wonky -- as he stated "in his 20+ years of working in OB he had never seen a family bring their own sound system!". He then warmed up to us all.
Anyway - that extra boost of Epidural gave Taylor an hour to sleep and rest as from 10-10:45pm, there were four rounds of some tough contractions that were finally productive and not acting wonky! And I found myself at the monitor coaching Jake as to when to get in her face and talk her through the pain. She had the epidural but she has a herniated disk and there was a hot spot that God showed us was HIS way of helping Taylor weave her way through the process. That hot spot allowed Taylor to feel the contractions and pain in a bit of a way that orchestrated the birth and it was a hard pain but a beauty to watch a husband support his wife through it.
As Taylor's heartbeat began to show distress some 26 years ago, SJ was what they called a VERY HAPPY baby! She did not show any stress!
Back to Taylor and Jake -- so that last round of contractions from 10:15-10:50pm .....Jake was doing what needed to be done. After Taylor and the Holy Spirit realized a few 'new' pains, she was checked and that perfect number of 10cm and crowning happened. It was a GO!
Taylor - the birthing machine kicked in and it started!
WOW.
The room emptied, the bed bottom came off - and I noticed how those really good nurses and staff had the warmer heated, there was a table and tray with surgical tools, and all of a sudden it was like an episode of Grey's Anatomy. My prayer language was in full force. This was now the time to hold her leg and be a good listener to help. 24 minutes of pushing- and WHOA. I witnessed my grand baby - I witnessed my baby birth a baby. Or as I quote Taylor, "mom, I did it. I did not die. I birthed a human. She was 9 pounds, I birthed a 9 pound baby. I did it mom!" " I did it, I thought i was going to die!".
Her hair was so blond and she was so swollen and tucked to tight in the birthing canal but WOW... Wow God -- what a glorious glorious process. But I am thankful I live today - in this generation as I have GREAT respect for those pioneer women and those woman of the bible that birthed in a very different circumstances. I teach American History to my 5th graders and I realize that slaves were expected to give birth and be in the fields by the end of the day -- that just had me thinking over and over. And why THAT came into my brain? Again - so much came across my thoughts as God continued to help me have a deeper understanding of trust.
Then clean up - Apgar scores -- and skin to skin. She was 9 pounds and 22 inches long. And she was swollen with a cone head -- but... again, the wonder of God's creation as even by Saturday when I saw her again -- her little head was looking more normal!
I started out this blog and titled it - Trusting God.
As I prayed over and over throughout these past 72 hours for a life to come into the world, I also ached and prayed for a family that is watching a child get ready to leave this earth. I don't ask God "WHY?" anymore..... I just began to pray and so often it is in my prayer language as I, as a human, don't know what to say; but, as I speak in a heavenly language - I am speaking to God and interceding. The Holy Spirit is speaking to and lifting and filling me. And I can feel His presence.
I felt so guilty as I texted that mom -- I felt guilt. It is temporary - as I am human and guilt is a real feeling. So often we squash our feelings when we need to recognize and acknowledge them. Then they don't have power over us.
That guilt is not from God - and it is something the enemy can use to hold us back. I have learned when people are suffering, they don't need words - they need the presence of someone just listening and sitting with them.
I believe we must not allow this guilt to hamper our mission and call to be the Hands and Feet of Jesus.
Several weeks ago, a family that our church is ministering too lost a child at 32 weeks. Taylor and I had a few chats about that -- in the blogs she has read and people that we know, who have went through this process and set up a nursery and come home to an empty home--it was a very real concern. We ached. For those that had to birth a still born child - again we live in a fallen world and with that, there is pain and heart ache. But we ached. However, truth or bottom line is that God does allow this.
How?
At this point in my life -- I know that I know, He is a good good Father and pain and suffering does draw us near to Him. And in these moments, it is ONLY God who can comfort and hold us and heal us. And it is God, that is sovereign and He allows something that also breaks His heart -- because He knows of the greater outcome -- heaven. And He knows about sending a son that died as well.
I watched my daughter and I had to trust GOD in a WHOLE new way. Taylor was bleeding a bit extra afterward and I watched the eyes of the nurses and their unspoken words and facial gestures. At one point, I looked at her midwife and stated, "what are we to pray about now? Talk to me!" And we began to pray specifically about what needed to happen, and it did. But as tears flowed a bit - what about those parents where it did not.....??
My friend I spoke of earlier -- the one sitting with her son and watching him get closer to heaven sent me the most sweetest and gracious messages of congratulations. She is trusting God. That can ONLY happen because she is seeking Jesus for Her pain and comfort. She is trusting God. It is remarkable. She has often private messaged me and affirmed my bloogging habit and how one particular one has helped her cope or taught her something. And yet -- her testimony, quietly being a mom to Kyle....her testimony speaks volumes and gives me hope! She inspires me.
I have come to learn and realize that it takes MORE TRUST to trust in the hard times as compared to the good ones. That is not profound, but how God can use our pain and bring beauty from ashes. I am humbled.
Another friend spoke a very good word at a meeting earlier on Saturday and reminded me, that there are many jumping for joy when their child is getting married or is coming to church then there is the mother that is getting the call that her son is headed back to jail or was arrested again for a drug charge.
And THAT woman is not feeling all joyful and wanting to dance around the room praising Jesus .....but THAT woman, the one getting the phone call about her son --
And THAT woman is not feeling all joyful and wanting to dance around the room praising Jesus .....but THAT woman, the one getting the phone call about her son --
----or another woman that has to watch her daughter make some very poor choices --
---or another set of parents, who get news that stuns their hearts and expectations for their child --
THOSE women -- those people -- that can TRUST God in any circumstance....they will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.
And as those believers trust and continue to be obedient, I know God will reward and give favor. We just may not see it in this lifetime.
And as those believers trust and continue to be obedient, I know God will reward and give favor. We just may not see it in this lifetime.
I am not asking God to give me a hardship so I can go deeper in my trust and faith in Him, I am just reflecting and sharing what is in my heart and head this am. This is my therapy and my journey.
Lord, this is a long blog today. Lord -- thank you for helping me edit and get OUT what needed to be said and I pray that this will remind anyone who reads it - that You can be trusted . Lord, as we grow and live in this world today, I pray that as You allow the lessons to come into our lives we continue to seek Your presence and grow our TRUST in You.
Lord, for those particular sisters in Christ that have some specific prayers for their families and helped inspire this blog today: Rachel, Lisa, Tina, and Brandi -- they are ON my heart right this moment and I pray you will supernaturally transcend peace upon them. May they feel Your presence in a new and profound way today as they seek You. Lord, I thank you for friends that are like iron that sharpens. Remind them that their parenting skills are not in question, that grown children make grown decisions and that as they were raised with Your Truth - it will not return void. But Lord specifically for Brandi and John -- and the extended family -- I am still asking for a MIRACLE!
Lord, I praise You for SJ and the past 72 hours - this was truly a heart's desire but it was MORE than I could of ever imagined.
Lord, Your will be done - on earth as it is in heaven! Amen.
A Time for Everything
3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil?10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Psalm 126:5-6
5 Those who sow in tears
shall reap with shouts of joy!
6 He who goes out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
bringing his sheaves with him.
shall reap with shouts of joy!
6 He who goes out weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
bringing his sheaves with him.
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