Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Isaiah 41.10 - holding my right hand-

HP playing soccer last season of OHS...
I chose a photo of HP playing soccer.  Soccer has brought so much travel, joy, and fun to our lives.  But there is a HARD part to it as well.

 Honestly, soccer played a part of the separation that started between my husband and I.  Business.   Busy. Busy. Busy.  We became so busy with club sports -- with both kids that the enemy was able to get into our lives. Volleyball and soccer.

It just did.  Fact is a fact.

Today I was reminded of something, because a friend of mine is really suffering.  This person is heartbroken and this person is trying their best to survive.

No matter what the 'reason' is for the brokenness -- pain is pain.  Life is hard.  This is not our home - this is our temporary home - until heaven.  THERE is where, our hearts will be forever happy.

Before I had full disclosure of what the enemy was using to  destroy our marriage, I was deep in bible studies and deeply searching for answers as to 'our problem'....what could it be?   ....what was it?  ....what could I change?

In a Beth Moore bible study,  in July of 2009, I had this divine experience or meeting with God.  In one of her  (Beth's) realistic  and over the top illustrations -- she used the verse from Isaiah 41.10 -- and the end of it says...."I will uphold you with MY righteous right hand".

I will try and be brief but at that moment - THAT verse became so alive to me.  I literally looked down to my right hand and I had been holding onto a metal object and I could see the IMPRINT of the object in the palm of my hand -- my skin... had an imprint.  It did.   I knew at that moment - God was RIGHT there with me -- holding my hand -- so hard that there was in imprint in my skin.

The entire verse says:   Fear not, I am with You; be not dismayed, for I am your God!  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

So, I got that verse in July of 2009.  The rest of the summer and fall was  tension filled days, night after night of silent crying, and sleeping on the couch and I am pretty sure that if I went back to REWIND the year - you would see that I probably cried daily or cried out to God daily -- 'what the hell is going on?'

I had started going back to church but I was so tired of being there alone, that I just gave up and watched church on line.  I kept busy, and there were many soccer tournaments to go to - where we could put on the FAKE smiles and pretend that all was well.     Now in retrospect....some 4+ years later....'what the heck was I waiting for?' Oh wait, I know --- God.

I knew I was to be waiting on Him.  I was in counsel with a wonderful woman of God and soaking up all she could teach me, but I could never come home and share it with anyone.  I did any and every bible study I could get my hands on.  There was one on Mondays and I even hosted one  myself on Tuesdays - I FILLED up my nights.   There were moments or  maybe weeks where 'things' would get better   between my husband and I ---- and then, go sour again.  I knew at that point that my husband was in some sort of mid-life crisis...just did not know the entire scope of it.

 I knew I was not going to leave my husband and I kind of figured he wanting nothing to do with me and later - that was proved true....but I share this now not to get pity --but to look back and realize....that was a YEAR of pain....but a year where I had to daily go right back to my Lord and SEEK HIS word and somehow....I got through it.  And by May of 2010, when the floodgate was opened and truth was revealed -- I may of been CRUSHED but not defeated....as that verse was memorized and believed.

So, I am sharing this, why?  So my friend knows it will take at least a   year....NO!
Believe me...I would NOT wish that on anyone - I share it to let  my friend know - it takes time.

And I have shared this before- I USED to HATE God's timing, but now I know and realize that  God's timing is best.  And we must trust it.

Sure, THAT is easy for me to say now - that my marriage has been restored and my relationship with my husband now  is something that we never experienced before the 'fall'.  But, I am not naive and I am pretty sure that both my husband and I are targets for the enemy -- so, I am sure that more YUCK will be thrown our way - but this time, we will meet the challenge united with God.

Meanwhile.... back to my friend......to live each day with that broken heart or brokenness...

God knows.  YOU are NOT alone. 

  GOD knows -- exactly and HE will make HIS word real to you.   I really can't go and give  my friend a hug like I do my female sisters in Christ -- um, yep...that just can't happen -- but I can encourage him to seek church...seek some godly men.     Actually, I have been ASKING the  God of the heavens to SEND men....to him...to speak to his heart and to encourage him.   To speak ENCOURAGEMENT to him!

Throughout the years of hurt -- - I had several women that I could call, cry with, and get comfort from when I needed it.   But that is 'how' we women are.....

Men are different.   Just saying - but they hurt like women do. They just don't show it the same.

Lord, I pray that YOUR Word is coming alive to my friend - that YOU are - right now- sending one of your sons to his rescue to encourage him and to remind him - that YOU are upholding him...AMEN.

And Lord -- may he get that revelation ...that he is being held by You...by Your righteous right hand. Amen. 

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