Dear Sweet one.....
You can't see it - but God wants you.
You can't believe that HE truly can be your true 'man'....but HE can.
You are hurting and yet.......the best way to move forward from this -- is to allow Jesus to come into your heart.
I know you have 'tried'. I have seen some very valiant efforts. And, I have seen your tears ..... and yet ..... you are not at the point to truly trust God. But I can promise you -- you won't be disappointed if you allow Jesus in to fill that HOLE.
From my point of view -- God has placed you very close and near to several women around you that love and adore you.
From my point of view -- God has been 'whooing' you for several months and your head and heart continue to 'fight' back and forth -- I think you are scared.
From my point of view -- you may think that seeking God -- means that all of your fun will disappear.
From my point of view -- you may think that 'church' is weird and you are perhaps a little scared.
From my point of view -- I would agree with you -- 'church' can be weird..... But God is not weird and seeking God is not 'church'.
Church is really the people.
Religion is man made.
Jesus was about showing and telling you HOW much you are loved and that HE died for you.
Jesus came -- that the 'fun'...won't stop.
Jesus came -- to fill that HOLE and the gap left by ..... unfaithful boyfriends.... a dad that left...... friends that no longer speak to you.....
But...there is a 'church' out there where you can be fed God's Word, make friends and allow a few others to come into your life....... and it will be good !
So, right now - if you stop and put some praise and worship music on-- ( I suggest going to the Internet and finding Mercy Me's -- The Hurt and the Healer song -- download it and play it several times while looking at or reading the lyrics. )--you will find that praise helps us grow closer to God.
So, after your worship time.....Open up your bible and if you don't have one - download the YOU Version Bible app on your phone --
Read Jeremiah 33.11 -- over and over again in your mind .....
Then pray -- Lord, I am at my end. I am scared and need to talk to someone ...I need to have a mentor that will speak life into me. I need something to remind me that I am worth dying for and that I am loved. Lord.....this may seem awkward, as I feel I have prayed this prayer several times ---but I need the strength now, and the courage to go to find one of those women or go to church with one of those women You have placed around me...Lord, I will trust that I will begin to find answers and LOVE as I seek You. Lord, I need You -- as I am so tired of this life.....I am unsure of 'which' church You will lead me to, but I will trust the people ( heaven sent angels) around me as they watch over you. And Lord, I want what I see in a few others around me. I want peace. I want to KNOW that I KNOW -- YOU are God - and I want purpose within my life. Lord, I will try my best to believe that You indeed are interceding for me. Lord, I need you and am tired of these up and down moments. Lord, I want to seek you and STAY focused on You. As I am going to pray that the women around me will mentor me and I pray that as I fall in love with You God - I am going to trust that my heart will be healed as well --- and with that Lord, I will read Psalm 139 5x so that I will see within Your written word that indeed -- I am YOUR favorite. I am perfect in YOUR eyes. I am going to church this weekend Lord....show me which one. And Lord, I will open my head and heart to become involved with other people...as they create the church. In Jesus name.
Today a prayer request was made known to me------
If this is for you -- and you want to meet up or chat -- please do - I am in the phone book.