Thursday, May 5, 2016

When you feel unloved -- and need to be held......

Being  ...held......

I was thinking about a beautiful woman and we prayed for her  and their marriage.  
She is hurting right now -- cause there is a crisis of faith.  

But I am pretty sure that several reading this --  whom could be in a similar place--

Are you are seeking God for something ....and maybe Your marriage is in a state of crisis.  
Do you need to be held?  

Natalie Grant wrote this song called "Held" after a friend of hers lost a baby.  IT has circled the Christian Radio charts and I believe I have purchased her CD 2-3 times and given it to people when they have experienced the death of a is comforting to know that God does HOLD us...we are being HELD.

 I did a little research on the word held..or hold.... The Dictionary says,  1.  to have or keep in the hand, keep fast, grasp.  2.  to set aside, to reserve or retain -- like to hold a reservation.  3.  to bear, sustain, or support as with hands or arms or by any other means.  4.  to keep them in a specified state, 'the preacher held them spellbound'. and 5.  to detain, the police held him at the station for questions. 

Held.....then I looked up some more info...The noun held means an act of a verb, it means to remain in or continue being held.....Did you know there is also definitions for ...
hold back....
hold down....
hold forth....
hold in.....
hold off....
get ahold of .....
hold one's own.....

Then 2 verses were found:  
   2 Thessalonians 2.15    So then brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.

   1 Titus 1.9
  He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

Then I found this:   the word HOLD with a capital "h" is found in 11 verses in our bible, 9 chapters, and 9 books.....that version is more of the noun hold....

I wanted to write down each verse, I will site a few of my favorite:

Judges 18.19     Nehemiah  8.11     Job   13.13
Psalms 17.5   Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.
Psm  109. 1    Amos  6.10    Zephaniah 1.7
Mark 1.25     Luke 4.35       2Tim 1.13
Psalm 119.117   Hold thou  me up, and I will be safe; and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.

I stopped and pondered why those two verses really STUCK in me....I remember many times in my life when I would beg God to hold up my goings in thy path....and just HOLD me....up....

And in Psm. 119....hold thou me up...JUST HOLD ME many  times I begged and pleaded that on my behalf. 

How about you...are you begging God to hold you up?

 IF you are, let us stop right now:
Lord, for my sweet sister or for whomever is reading this.....they or she or he needs you ...hold them...hold them up.  Amen. 

Then I came across this.  The word HOLD with a capital H is there 11 times and the word hold with a lower case 'h' in 167 verses...167 verses....49 chapters....35 books...I was astonded.

That is the verb hold !   an action!   God is holding us! 

I did not write down each verse but a few that spoke volumes to me.

One of my life verses:  Exodus 14.14    The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
Psalm 139.10    Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
Proverbs 3.18  She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her and happy is every one that retaineth her.
Proverbs 4.13  Take fast hold of instruction, let her not go, keep her, for she is thy life.

Isaiah 41.13  For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not, I will help thee.

That last verse...spoke life into me many times over the past seven -eight  years.   I don't wish to bring up the past, but I have to share this one story...of HOW this verse spoke life back into me.

   My husband and I were separated.  Our son was headed to Louisiana for a soccer tournament and my husband was very kind and did not expect to travel with us, as he knew our time together was hard, very hard but after prayer, I knew,  he deserved to be able to attend and enjoy the soccer.  It had been a planned trip and Taylor was traveling with us.  Arrangements were made and our time together was difficult but "ok."

  WE spent a week together as a family and enjoyed  Hunter's  team and their wins and their heartbreak loss on the last day.  The in between times were VERY hard, as sometimes I could only smile for so long and pretend for so long that all was well.  Each evening we would pick a restaurant and sit as a family  and each of us did a good job with keeping conversations 'right'.  Anyway, like I said, at times, it would just get too hard to bear and I would excuse myself and head to the ladies room.  At which I would get sick, either lose my lunch or supper or just spit up dry heaves and then look at myself in the mirror and hold my hand up in front of it and recite this verse.

Sometimes I would cry it out, sometimes I had to be very discrete, but I had to remind myself over and over that HE was holding my hand.  HE was going to get me through this and HE would make all things new.  HE did.   The Holy Spirit would take over.  I know this...NOW,  but then, I was literally grabbing onto the promises of God every 2-3 minutes.

 I would be able to wipe my tears, recompose myself and head back to the supper or dinner table and smile and just be thankful for the four of us - enjoying time together.   I was SUCH a good actress.  I had to be.

 It was a difficult week.  The kids and I shared a King sized bed and my husband  slept on the floor.  Many nights were spent in prayer as I could not sleep between two kids that literally tossed and turned as they slept and I would hold my arm up in front of my eyes and focus on my hand and recite that verse...and imagine that God was RIGHT there...holding me and being my RIGHT was a verse I came to paraphrase and repeat often.

Now, bear in mind...that may leave a sad taste in your mind about my husband ..but don't let it.  I want to tell you that for the past 3 -4 years, I fall asleep each night in his arms...he holds me very tight and waits for me to wiggle out of his grip.  When I awake in the am, he must awake too as he will turn over and quickly grab me and hold me tight.

When he first began to do this, I would just lay there and think...."how long will this last?".  Then it continued and after a few months of expecting it to quit....I awoke one morning and I could hear the Holy Spirit remind me -- "THAT is how God has held you - TIGHT and now I am using your husband to remind you - God is still here."  

 "THAT is how God has held you - TIGHT and now I am using your husband to remind you - God is still here."  

 "THAT is how God has held you - TIGHT and now I am using your husband to remind you - God is still here."  

This am, that happened again.   Well, I think it happened.  I was so exhausted and slept so sound that at dinner this evening we were talking about  getting up in the middle of the night and taking bathroom breaks and then falling back asleep and my husband began to remind me that 3 times he spooned me and 3 times I wiggled out of his arms.   ( I secretly think hot flashes are beginning!) 

And God reminded  me tonight ...'see....I continue to hold you...through him'....Brendan can be the person on earth that can show you physical love and hold you and remind you that YOU are deeply loved by the Father. 

I believe that.  That brought  even more healing to me RIGHT now, as I was praying for another whose husband is being a TURD right now.   ( please note,  turds were terms of endearment as a meant you were being a BIG stinker!)    

Holy Spirit reminded me of something that was triggered by Time Hop this am.  Time Hope showed me a post I placed on FB 6 years ago.  6 years ago I was chaperoning 40 4th graders to Barnes and Noble and then to McDonald's.  As I thought throughout the day -- I could remember THAT field trip and the bus ride.  I could remember EXACTLY what I was praying for that day and whom I spoke to.  Quite instantly ...the enemy wanted to take me back to a place of deep hurt.  Quite instantly, the enemy wanted to remind me  or see if he could get me to doubt -- the relationship I have now with my husband, but more importantly -- God.

As I drove home, I was unable to connect with my husband the immediately the thoughts began to flood my head.  So I turned on the praise and worship music and SANG all the way home........  and when I finally GOT to connect with my man -- God used him to remind me -- HE holds me, period.

Yes, it is pretty cool that my husband can be God's huge arms right now -- but no matter what -- it has to be GOD that meets every need.  I know my hubby is not perfect and each day, I release him to Jesus -- Jesus has to meet his every need as well -- as I will fail him -- I am not perfect.

Humans fail us.  They just do.  

Revelation 20.2
And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years.

Yep...God wins.  Period. 

Lord, I thank you so much, for holding me.
PS...don't let him stop....I still need it - daily...even though I know YOU can hold me without being here...and I know I am so loved without him holding me...I am just feels so so so good. 
Even if I am beginning to get 'hot flashes' and push him away -- may he always just continue to pull me close.  Thank you . 


I love  him Lord, but I know that I know, I love you more...there is a proper order now - amen. 
And Lord, I thank you for our past -- as it has formed our destiny.  Amen.
And Lord for the one reading this that needed a reminder -- that just needed to read a 'good ending'..may she dream this eve and see a vision of her good ending.  May she see -- soon, a light or flicker of HOPE that her man day....hold her too.  IN Jesus name. 

- michelle

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