Psalm 94 vs. 16-19 in the Message bible says:
Who stood up for me against the wicked? Who took my side against evil workers? If GOD had not been there fore me, I never would of made it. The minute I said, " I 'm slipping, I'm falling, " your love, GOD , took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.
Today I had a bit of a wrestling match or a pity party with God. Not with Jesus...God. Let me explain. And I pray I did not grieve Holy Spirit as I did.
I know how significant this photo is. It was a night where my kids were trying to help me get a photo taken with my new I phone. I had crossed over.
Six years ago, I also spent the afternoon watching a few children give their Tropicana Speeches and a good 90 minutes with my counselor --an intense session where forgiveness was the topic and task. That is what God asks us to do -- so why today did I wrestle with God?
I am not sure.... probably because this life is HARD and I just needed to wrestle with God today!
Maybe my activities this past weekend added to my thoughts and my wrestling today -- ??
This past weekend, I watched a bit of the Sister Wives drama. I was intrigued- I admit. There was scandal and rumor of an affair. After an hour of watching interviews, fast forwarding through commercials and stupid stuff -- I came to this conclusion -- they need help and prayer! I told Bren later on, all I kept hearing over and over was, "I am different now, I don't know what I want, I just need to research what can make me happy, I felt...and I ...and I and I ....". There was so much of ME ME ME ME ME ..... and their needs, their desires and with each interview I found myself yelling at the TV -- YOU need Jesus!! ( Lord, why am I watching this?) Not that NBC or TLC would ask me, but each of those women need Jesus and a good dose of Psalm 139. They have such holes within their lives and hearts. They have been deceived. THE ONLY redeeming thing I got from that show was to hear the older children of these women ... they WON'T do the plural lifestyle...they have all decided -- they want ONLY one person to marry.
Praise God. I thought about that -- the joy I get from seeing my child enjoy her marriage and the joy I get from praying for my son's future wife and family -- I enjoy that. These women will watch and hear this over and over - how their children don't want to walk in their footsteps.
I felt that spoke VOLUMES. They will have to watch their children and their choices for all of their lives and be reminded that their children choose NOT to follow their example. Sad. There are many mixed up people. There are many that need Jesus!
Love Boat, yep - life seemed much easier when that show was on every Saturday. And Zombie Remodel is a new show my man and I have found -- kind of cool watching them fix up old homes in Orlando! Perhaps thats what I want from God ....a zombie remodel!! Yes, Lord, take this 'sore' and old body and remake it -- new!! Amen.
So...there is my head and my thoughts --I do want some radical things around me to change.
Who stood up for me against the wicked? Who took my
side against evil workers? If GOD had not been there fore me, I never
would of made it. The minute I said, " I 'm slipping, I'm falling, "
your love, GOD , took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and
beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.
Who stood up for me against the wicked? God has -- HE won. And right now, even though I am frustrated with some choices a few around me are making -- or have made.... He knows.
God will stand up against the wicked for YOU too.....
Who took my
side against evil workers? God has. God did. 6 years ago I made a conscious decision to sit with a therapist and put Satan in a chair and tell him off. I also placed other 'symbols' in that chair and I made a list of WHAT I need to forgive, WHOM I needed to forgive, and then I did it. I forgave and freedom was declared. Now as I left her office to go home, I did not feel very different but I had made a choice to believe God. I decided to 'faith it until I felt it'.
God will take YOUR side as well -- but, is there unforgiveness that needs to be dealt with? Is there anger that must be revolved? All it takes at first is a cry to Him --
If GOD had not been there fore me, I never
would of made it. God reminded me today while I was wrestling with Him that He is not passive and HE is at work.
I borrowed that thought or truth from Ps. James. He reminded me of that this past Sunday. God is continually pursuing His children. I have been watching those around me and deciding whom should get a cattle prod zap and whom needs to get on their knees and that watching is NOT what He wanted me to do. I had to repent the 'fixer' in me.
God also reminded me that I must wait and be patient when it comes to this or that...and I have to have faith when it comes to this one or that one.
Do you feel the same? If it were NOT for Christ -- would you of made it? Thank Him right now for what He has done and know -- He is not finished yet!!
The minute I said, " I 'm slipping, I'm falling, "
your love, GOD , took hold and held me fast. God did that the minute I cried out back six years ago and He did that again today when I cried out. I actually sent an email to my husband and asked him to pray for me.
Then God brought me a sweet precious sister in Christ where I could vent and through her, HE reminded me that when I slip -- He is there. Whether I am bothered by a hang nail, another's sad plight, or even the answer to a question that been prayed for ....now for over six months!! Another sweet woman reminded me about Moses this past weekend and how God spoke to him and gave him an assignment and with that assignment, He reminded Moses that He was the I AM. So therefore, the I AM knows my head and heart today and as I wrestled with God, HE knew the outcome. He knew Jesus would be there to pick me up and He knew Holy Spirit would teach me to dig deep and believe -- not because of WHAT I have seen God already do, but because I know that I know -- God will provide, win , and that He is a good good father.
I caught myself pleading with God, "Lord, I have been faithful - why can't you HURRY on this one prayer..." And as that precious sister reminded me -- "Michelle, I think He wants you to be still and wait". Probably.
If you are slipping and falling right now -- HE will meet you right where you are at! Just call upon and call out to Him!
When I was upset and
beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up. God did. It is in those moments where I know -- my flesh wants to have a pity party and cry and yet my head and heart knows -- there is NO need cause God has delivered me and provided. THAT is the wrestling....and I just need time for it to pass -- to call upon God. And God will answer those prayers for those other women -- just like HE met me today. I am human. He knows.
Lord, there are several women today that are in dire stratights. They need a miracle - yesterday. Lord, they love you and You know them best. Provide. Lord, that each of them, seeking you will read Your word this eve and be able to say ..." I am slipping and I am falling".... That they would be able to journal or blog a WHOLE bunch of HOW you met them. As Lord, I can't meet their needs -- ONLY You can. Lord, take this burden from me. Lord, that this frustration from me. Lord, allow me to SEE the work of Your hands. I will be Yours hands and feet, but in these moments where it seems like there is a stalemate or MORE crud is revealed ...and it hurts my heart - give me the words to share from Your Word. Give me the patience -- I know you have GIVEN me patience already but I need some EXTRA patience -- just send one more angel on my behalf to whisper in my ear -- I want to hear from You even more Lord. I want to do Your will even more... I want that LOVE You have for all of me and others to spill out of me - to others. Use me Lord.
And Lord, for that one this eve that is ready to quit -- help her. In Jesus name. Amen.
May she wrestle with You Lord like Jacob did -- and be changed forever.