death . .grieving . . .

  Dear  Beloved:  

What a title?  What a title!  
Death is natural.  It comes.  It has too.  For a new sprout or plant to germinate, the death of a seed must happen.  The caterpillar has to die to change, and we have to die to ourselves to change too.  Jesus' death lead to our eternal life. 

So what.  Who cares.  It hurts.  It is hard.  No disrespect here to my Lord - I am just in a FUNK today.  I believe the Enemy wanted to hate me even more today and he decided to pick.  But, I know that my God wins -- it just hurts in the mean time. 

Hurting is not that bad - it sort of cleans one out.  Why are we hurting?  Are we allowing Jesus to mend us? 

Death stinks too.  But, we all know - it is a part of life. 

In therapy, I have had to do some hard thinking.  Sometimes it is easier to put things under a rug or stuff them and then just move forward, but if you really want to get rid of something, you have to face it, claim it, rebuke it and then the 'power' it had over you becomes less and less. 

Does it seem like I am walking or talking in circles?  I think I am, cause I feel like I have been walking and moving in circles the past month.  Just saying. 

However,  God is going to move me completely past this time.  HE is allowing some grieving of feelings and stuff that I did not want to face or think about, but HE is going to help me clean it all out so that the 'power' it has presently over me . . won't last.  The Enemy can't and won't use this again, as I have claimed victory over it.  My Jesus shed blood on 'this' already. 

I thank God for a sweet pal yesterday that reminded me of the scripture, "HE makes all things new - we are a new creation" . .all of us are.  He is.  I am.  WE are . .they are ..each of us has that promise, thank God. 

Another dear new friend reminded me that, I have secrets with my best pal - God . .that only HE and I know and HE designed it that way -- wow.  Good and bad secrets but HE loves me anyway.   The Enemy wants me to disbelief that and use it to cause me to doubt - I won't. 

And, HE showed me some of HIS words that helped me -- just now, in this grieving process.  And, HE washed away some of the hurt with tears . .tears . .that washed me clean. 

Grieving is a process,  death is going to come . .but HE wins. 

Maybe these scriptures will minister to you as well.    BTW - YOU are beloved and highly esteemed. 

• Prov. 15.14  The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool finds folly.
• Prov.  22.11  One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the King for a friend. 
• 2 Chronicles 16.9  For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the EArth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. 
• Phil 4.6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with Thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. 
• Prov. 27.18  He who waits on his master will be honored.
• John 10.27  My sheep listen to my voice, I know them, and they follow me.
• Prov. 12.18  REckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
• Prov. 16.23  From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive.
• Prov. 29.11  The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.
• And my favorite this night -- Mark 1.45
• They came to HIM from EVERY direction . . . . . !!!  

Lord, you know the heaviness in my heart.  You have wiped my tears today.  Tears that have come and I am not sure even 'why' but then I stop and think . . I am tired.  Lord,  thank you for the man who held me, my man, even when I believe he knew I was hurting - he still held.  You do that Lord,  you HOLD us even when we don't want to be held.  Even when we don't love you, live for you, or act in a manner in which we should -- YOU STILL hold us.  You never let us go.  Thank you for the rainbow yesterday.  As Pastor Jo stated . it is all about me --- right?  I know a balance, but it is all for me and for him and for them, and for us . .etc . etc . I praise your name, my head hurts trying to understand that but you stated we can't understand you and we should not try - we should just believe.  I believe.  I am believing for a healing that has not quite hit yet, and I believe for a change in a heart that is going to be miraculous.  Lord, thank you for Matt 12. 33-37 and in that scripture it says that the desire to change begins in the heart . . and the greek word for heart there is kardia . which means our thoughts, motives, feelings and our will and our character . .change my character Lord.  Change my heart.  Change my thoughts.  Change my motives,  Change my feelings ..Lord, change me.  This prayer is about me Lord -- that is the only one I have to answer for - me and you - right?  Right!  Lord,  this day was yours, and it still is, I am taking you with but I am asking that tomorrow, may it be easier . .amen.!  - your daughter, michelle