Monday, February 6, 2017

So the reality is the marriage is broken - Part VI - Restoration

God has been showing me something through the lives of some others and I have found myself writing a sort of 'plan' for a wife that has asked for help. 

 I have written this plan over and over and in different ways and I am believing God wants me to publish it and have it here for another to share with a friend and have some hope.  

I am not a psychologist or a life coach.  I am just a woman, who loves God, seeks the power of the Holy Spirit, and knows Jesus as her best friend.  I have lived a little bit.  Life's experiences have certainly  been played out and I am pretty sure God is not finished with me yet, but I am going to attempt to share a couple of blogs that I pray God will use to help foster some hope and to encourage a wife who is hurting and broken that God is fighting for her and God will win!   

This is a series of 7 particular blog posts.  It is my desire  that if you come  to this series, you will read all 7 of them but that you would also feel free to share them with another. 

 If you have walked through seasons in a marriage where you felt the vows were shattered or were never honored -- and you are still married -- it is a miracle.!!

 And did God provide?  I am sure He did.  So perhaps, you can use this series to help encourage another.   ( That is my prayer and feel free to share this link or blog post with another) .

 If this is your first time here and you wish to read Part 1, here is the link:

Awareness Part I 


Restoration can come in parts, it can come quick  but often it is a SLOW process and it takes time.  I will always encourage and pray but usually forewarn the  praying  and hurt spouse   that -- "this part" ----this restoration part will probably HURT more than being separated.    And the enemy hates  marriage and so therefor ANY attempt of restoration is hindered and attacked!

Restoration takes time and changes.  

If I was going to refinish an end table or dresser  and re-purpose it -- it would take some work.  It would take some elbow grease and time!  First I would have to take off any door knobs or  hardware, or metal work that could be in my way. 

That is needed in a restoration of a marriage as well -- removal!     One must identify WHAT needs to be removed.  In our case.  We removed ourselves.  We moved.  We sold our home of 17 years and moved to a new area.  We physically moved.    Can you see the point I am making here?   It will take some DIFFERENT things and changes.   We also went back to counsel and sat under the leadership and guidance of a Life Coach/Sex Therapist / Family Counselor  that gave us tasks each week to work on.  She was a Christian therapist, but to be very honest, I felt like I was getting the SHAFT each week.  It seemed to me, from my perspective,  that I was the one making  all the changes and from my perspective - it should of been my husband. 

However, I did trust her guidance.  And we also had godly counsel.  At first, he was not seeking any type of Pastor or accountability person, but I was and I would pour out my troubles to this couple and they would pray for me and with me and remind me that God was in control.   And I would pray!   I prayed without ceasing speaking as if my husband had a perfect and close relationship with  Jesus and that he was praying the SAME for me.  I spoke life.  I claimed what I did not see - and I prayed and spoke it into existence.  I believed that indeed, the Lord was fighting for me.  And God was. 

Be willing.  I could go on and on on about the stuff' that I was asked to change or rethink and sometimes  I felt like I was being manipulated;  but each week, I did see a glimmer of hope or as I would say, "a bone".  I would ask God to THROW me a BONE....remind me or give me a sign that He was  at work.  And God did - every week, every moment I needed it, or He would send someone my way to be the mouthpiece for Him or His hands to hold/hug me.  I kept those few friends that would allow me to vent close and I would call and text them and they, in turn,  would encourage me and lift me up.   Don't allow yourself to be alone in this time -- seek godly friends.  The wolf, the devil, will attack the lone sheep.  Stick close to godly counsel and encouragement.    I choose those who would  speak LIFE and agreed with me that our marriage COULD overcome.  I avoided negativity and I avoided the 'sad' stories where women would come and tell me  WHAT went down and wrong  in their marriage.  They felt at liberty to tell me how I should quit -- I avoided them!!   I would literally, if I heard something negative, reword the story or pray a new ending and apply it to my family and marriage.   Constant prayer.   

So -- once the hardware or medal is removed -- comes the sanding.  The reworking.  As I just mentioned - it takes time and it is hard.  And it takes elbow grease.  Be willing to accept the fact that the marriage 'broke' because of two people.  Forgive and allow the grace to overcome -- but change.  DO something.  As I have already shared that we moved,  your restoration process  may be to move away from friends or get new friends.  It may mean that you seek a new place of worship.  It may mean that you choose OTHER places to have date night and or it may mean that you JOIN a church and become involved.   It may mean seeking a real professional marriage therapist where you have to pay for the service -- so you won't back out and quit.  It may mean a commitment to buy a Jimmy Evans Marriage Curriculum and DO it with your spouse.  This sanding -- this changing....has to occur so that you don't follow back into what was before.    

Then as I refinish my dresser, when the sanding is done -- comes the staining and the varnish and the finishing touches.    ONLY God can do that.  And, God will.  Holy Spirit is the stain -- He seeps deep, if you will allow Him and He helps you change.   That polish or varnish is Jesus  -- His blood sacrificed for us at the Cross.  The Cross became our victory.  Allow Him to polish you.  If you are truly sold out to Jesus and in love with Jesus -- He will begin to show through you and you will be a new piece and a new creation.  God then does the total healing and  blesses and shows favor. 
BTW, I totally recommend getting and reading this book! 

When a piece of furniture is being refinished or re-purposed you can see the progress.  Have patience in this process.   And, if you stumble and accidentally mess something up, you just go back and restart. 

I, personally, felt like the roller coaster ride I had been riding of emotions before the earthquake hit and afterwards was moving slower  but I still felt I was on the roller coaster.  I would literally pray and ask God to move me to a new ride, that I was ready to get off the coaster and settle down  -- as  TRUST has to be rebuilt. 

Trust in God is what will allow the trust in that spouse to return.  I said it daily until I did not have too, "Lord, I trust my husband through You".  I mouthed that, I prayed that, I spoke that -- until one day I realized I had trust in my husband again. 

I remember feeling peace!! 

So, as you are walking through your own story, I pray today that when you get to this Restoration phase, You will have the support your need in place.  I pray that You will have scriptures hidden in your heart that will help you fight the battle of the mind.  And, I pray you will  allow God the time needed to bring restoration to You and Your mate!  

In the meantime, stay connected to believers,  eat well and exercise but also, seek God with routine bible study and prayer.   It is vital.  

I know God allowed our house to fall and break when it did,  because God wanted ALL of me and my husband.  The crisis that hit us was not just about 'him' involved me too.  I think one of the greatest 'mercies' that I gave to my husband was to explain to him that I felt his sin was no greater than my own.  I too had placed something in front of my first love -- God.  So to me, we both were equally responsible for the earthquake that God used to wake our spiritual eyes !  

Lord, with that - this blog post is done.  I thank you Lord that You can restore and redeem everything that was lost with the locusts -- but I pray that whomever is reading this will have hope that indeed you can restore anything, In Jesus name.  Amen. 

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