McDreamy -- and I pray I NEVER become so captivated by a story line again - period.

Ok, I said it.  I cried like  a BABY even knowing that the writers of Gray's Anatomy were probably killing off Derrick  this season.    And yes...  the past few months, as I watched each and every episode, my husband would ask ....do you really need to watch that? 

We have, as a couple, been seriously watching what we watch on TV.  Yes, we are trying our best to make sure it speaks life....it is of some moral content...and if it could be  adding to the  desensitising there is within  the  television medium now.

We heard a speaker last week speak about 'television'.  And he went on to say -- what is 'television'??

              ....  Tell ....a...Vision.  

The television is giving us a vision -- a vision -- so is it a godly vision?  Or is it a vision the enemy is using to -- steal, kill, and destroy?

Ok.  So I can hear the Holy Spirit speaking LOUDLY but still -- this habit of watching these characters.....

Enough said.

No wait -- I just have to add this.  I grew up on Days of Our Lives...so maybe I can blame all of this on my Grandmother?     No, I know. 

As a kid, Carol Burnett, The Munsters, Bewitched and the Brady Bunch filled my afternoons.   And then I begged for the chance to be in side on Sunday nights to watch, The Donny and Marie Show.  Ok, so I grew up with TV.  I remember being in high school and watching MTV for the epic inaugural year -- in which is was GOOD music videos!! 

 Oh, how Brendan and I could hardly wait  until the next  Michael Jackson video came about  -- I had "Thriller" memorized by the 2nd time I heard it.   I stood, hook, line and sinker when Madonna laid all over the floor and sang, "like a virgin" and I have to be honest, it took a good couple of minutes before I could really understand WHAT she was singing about.  LOL.

Anyway --

I got hooked on a drama, "Family" as a teen.  Then the Hardy Boys and other such shows - "the Bionic Woman" and so forth. (When Jamie and Steve DID NOT get back together for good -- it took several weeks until I was not obsessing over them and their relationship. ) Yes...I am being serious.

  When the kids were little -- Dallas and Knots Landing and the reruns of all the shows I was unable to see as a kid -- Adam 12 and so forth. TV Land had just begun.   I can't remember off hand, if I obsessed over characters within those shows, but I  so remember watching Titanic in the theater and then...went home and was unable to function for 3 days -- in tears and withdrawls and mourning  because of the sadness.   And I vowed I would never watch that movie and again -- and I have NOT.  There are certain movies I have never seen - because it is just TOO real.  I have watched Marley and Me once and I will never watch it again.  I was heaving I cried so badly. 
 
I get it - the TV dramas.  Most recently the show "Parenthood" had me laughing, protesting, and evenually bawling as it ended this past month.  IN my later years, I am trying my best to make sure -- WHAT I put into my eyes via the TV is worth something.   And, when Parenthood seemed to be heading in a direction that I was unwilling to watch each week, I took a break and reminded myself - it was just TV; however,  this year, when it announced and proclaimed that this year would be the LAST season, I got hooked again and I thank God it ended well -- seriously, I prayed it would.  I could not handle a week of tears and mourning when the 'dad' died.  ( And the couple that was headed for divorce  - reunited!)

I am not too proud of the fact that  when Gray's Anatomy was introduced, I asked my son if he wanted to watch it with me.  Yep...what a 'moral compass' I   was!    I wanted to have someone to talk to about the show.  How sad...??  I had to ask my then 9 year old son... but, yes -- I did.  YOU see, about 10 years ago, there was not a lot of family communication in our home - nor was there much 'church attendance'  no accountability ....so, as Hunter would watch Lord of the Rings and such, I would sit with him and make him tell me the story line and then when a show looked interesting I would ask him to watch it with me, as I wanted something to chat about as his soccer career was beginning and he was beginning to travel a lot.  And so, it  started and he wanted to 'stay up' and watch it as well and I let him.

  That idea of that romance between Derrick and Meredith -- how was I to know that I would re-look at their relationship over and over and finally come to the point of NOT watching it for the past 3 years  -- and the OTHER relationships on the show -- story lines became befuddled so I stopped watching;  ....only to get HOOKED again this season and then ..... hurt last night as they killed him off.

  Consequently,   the show consumed my Thursday night for many seasons until about 6 years ago when TV just was not as interesting and my interests began to change.    And as I said,  I am not very proud of the fact that this show has sucked up some  major viewing time, but as I drove to work today, I prayed and asked God to help me -- NOT to get involved with another family drama ...or drama about relationships  and I asked God to please show me something of value out of this all....

And quickly HE reminded me --

We want relationships -- 
We want to be loved - and be heard and we crave that oneness. 
God created us to CRAVE ...HIM... 

Many of us  get it out of TV characters,  a sport,  or perhaps physical fitness.... our worth and value but what we really need is JESUS.  Period.  

Too many of us look for it  in our spouses and DRIVE them crazy with our expectations, neediness, and we smother them with our manipulations.

In the soap operas,  all it took was a mysterious illness, and the family came to see the patient and then the loved one  or the prodigal son returned and everything was OK.

 Do you know how often I would ask God..."can I just have an accident where I am not too badly injured and then the family will have to come and worship me for a bit and I will know ...THEN...that I am loved?" 

Did you read that?
Did you hear that?
I am admitting -- I prayed that FAR to often.  I thank GOD, HE never answered that prayer.   But I just wanted love and attention and I was looking for it in another -- instead of God.  

Anyway, I thank God that I am at a different place, however, my glass house had to break before I really figured out that stuff had to change and stuff was taken from me, to finally have the right perspective and the right motives -- HIS.

But praise God - HE was patient with me and gave me that 2nd chance.  

Ok, so  Matthew 6.30 says, for your heavenly Father knows you have need of all things -- and we are to ask God for what we need and not what we want!

So, I am asking for God's help in staying away from any more continuing drama's where I am a train wreck for the next few days afterwards when they kill off the main character.  

I am going to make sure and be more viligent in it - to guard my time on that TV and make sure it is for HIS purpose.    To me, please don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with watching TV and many of these shows, help us to escape -- we just need balance.

I can't seem to keep that balance, and so therefore, I make different choices now of what I watch.  I don't want to put myself in a situation where I get so attached  to a character - and so forth. 

That is wise - that is what God wants me to do.   He wants me to have all that I need! 

Forgive me for 'ranting' today -- I just felt the need to share my head and heart and  let you know that I mourned all night last night - in my dreams and in my thoughts.

And this am.... I recalled the 'death bed'  scene last night on Gray's as I was driving to school.  How sad... cause there was No 'life' there - there was no talking or HOPE of seeing him again in heaven and when I voiced that OUT...when I pictured a hospital bed with angels around it -- thinking and dreaming about a real doctor that had probably died this way as well....

Saving lives and then getting in an accident as he left the scene of the accident -- and then later being there in that bed with the tubes and such ....  as his wife or maybe daughter unplugged it all ....

I thought about how awesome that would be to have angels in that - right in there, awaiting his return to the King.  

And then, as I said, reality set in - this is nothing but a TV show.
Real life is much better -- amen.


- michelle

Thank you for reading this until the end.  If you call me, I will take you for ice cream as payment for my therapy session!