|Taylor's 20th birthday!|
We met, agreed to meet again on February 6th, 2011 and tell both children ( age 19 and 15) that dad was going to move out. Little did I know that he had no hope for our marriage and my hope was slowly disappearing. Our therapist was indeed wise and only shared with me what I needed to know, as my emotional state was a bit irrational at times. To me - my entire world had been shut down and I was begging for life.
And I must state that my husband's emotional state was also irrational and needed counsel and God used our therapist to help move each of us to a better place. She felt in her knowledge that he had to get out of the home - the guilt was overbearing him.
My emotions at that point -- were still trusting in a human's actions. My husband's actions. You see - he had become my idol. You see, I was not trusting God. I did not understand HOW. Even though I said, God was everything and Jesus was Lord, my thoughts and my actions did not believe it nor act in that manner.
I was afraid.
Even so, I was obedient to counsel and met. February 6th, 2011 would be the date - our daughter's 20th birthday and the night we would deposit our son by way of a flight from Miami, on an oversees trip to Coast Rica to play soccer. I remember sitting there and just saying in my head, "OK"....and saying out loud, "OK", but something happened when I got in the car to go home. In the car, I said to myself, "hell no". And that is when I heard the Lord say - begin to fast.
I had heard preachers talk about fasting and my goldly counsel had suggested it as well - but, that night, I knew it was time. So, I began to fast and at that point, I was barely eating anything, but I had decided I would only eat breakfast and some protein at night - the rest of the day - water.
Our appointment to tell the kids would be February 6th. It was January 30th. By Tuesday of that week -- or Day 3 of my fast, I got a call -- the appointment had been cancelled. Both my husband called me at school and so did the therapist. She had been unable to sleep for a few days and felt the need to call Brendan and speak to him -- she wanted to wait, it was NOT a good idea to send HP oversees with the thought of his parents separating now for a more permanent arrangement. And it was not something a 20 year old should remember on her birthday.
For some reason -- God brought me to this memory today. For His purpose, I will share.
When I got the phone call from the therapist I was dumbfounded and just said, "OK". And I remember driving home from school that day in a daze. My fasting had worked. God had moved. I did not want that fateful meeting to occur and it was cancelled. There was 3 more days of hope where I felt that, maybe, just maybe.....this marriage would survive.
|My 45th birthday - a week before my Encounter.|
Then the weekend kicked in and I was reminded that his heart had not changed -- God just had moved in the therapist's heart and delayed what would still probably happen.
I remember feeling defeated, but my godly counsel reminded me to hang in there! Back then, in that moment, I was to beginning to pray and earnestly SEEK God in any extra time as I was preparing to go to Titusville with some women and Encounter God.
My godly counsel reminded me that my present journey or trail at that time was not just about my marriage -- it was about me. Me and God. My Encounter would be at the end of the month. Meanwhile, our communication became almost 'nill' at home and I even dreaded a family celebration for my birthday. I made sure Taylor arranged for my seat to be in between the nieces -- I did not want to feel awkward or 'make' my husband sit next to me. I was counting the days....
My Encounter came. My Encounter went. THAT was indeed a mile marker in my life.
From that day on -- everything changed. And I have written about that before.
He did move out -- for about 4 hours and moved back in by supper that evening....THAT is another blog/story.
And... if you have never read my blog before -- My husband and I just celebrated our 29th Anniversary earlier this month. We are in a place with God - that HE orchestrated. We are healthy and in love and ministering to others -- God won. More in love with each other today -- than we ever were when we met some 35 years ago as young teenagers!
I felt the Holy Spirit brought me to this memory or this post -- from 5 years ago for HIS purpose.
Another wife is ready to give up.
Another wife is quitting as I type.
Another wife is mad at God.
Another wife has placed her husband as an idol before God.
Or maybe another wife just needs to read a miracle story and believe -- it can happen for her too.
And... another victory is around the corner!!!
I would not want to bring any harm with these memories to either of my children nor my man.... but I felt I needed to share my prayer or what my prayers looked and sounded like when I felt there was no hope!!!
When I could not pray with words, I used my prayer language. I probably prayed for my marriage and my man for almost two years...using my prayer language. It was a way for me to speak to God and Satan could not tell...but I knew Jesus was interceding.
And when I could not pray - I would write prayers and USE God's Word in them... as His Word was life.
So tonight - for that one or several that are ready -- here is a prayer for your man -- and tomorrow, could be the START of his repentance and a miracle....Michelle
Lord for his head, your word states in 1 Corinthians 11 that we look to You and I pray he will look to YOU and want more of YOU Lord.
Lord, for his mind, 1 Corinthians 2 shows us that we are to have the mind of Christ and think of how the Holy Spirit will lead and not our flesh so I pray this in YOUR name that he would deny flesh and think of YOUR mind.
Lord, for his eyes, I pray that YOU will keep his eyes from temptation and that he will turn his eyes from sin.
Lord, I pray for his ears that he will hear YOUR still small voice instructing him as YOUR word states that in both Psalms and 1 Kings.
Lord, for his mouth, that his words would be pleasing to YOU.
Lord, for his neck, that he will humble himself before YOU and be strong, courageous, and careful to do everything written in Your word so that he will be prosperous and successful.
Lord, I pray for his heart that he will LOVE and TRUST YOU with his whole heart.
Lord, I pray for his arms, that YOU will be his strength. Lord for his hands, that he will enjoy the work of his hands and see it as a gift from you.
And Lord for his feet, that YOU will order his steps and that he will walk in YOUR truth.
Lord, for him I ask all of this in YOUR name and I secure the blessing of knowing YOU have great and powerful things in store for him.
I pray he won't miss any amount of his heritage.
Lord, I love him but YOU love him more. May I never forget this.
God is so stinking sweet.