Sunday, June 18, 2017

May I give you a little advice? 30 years of marriage and.....

Isaiah 43.2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.  

Today was Father's Day - I so enjoyed cooking and preparing a delicious  meal for the dads  and men in my life and at one point I smiled  and smiled  from ear to ear as I was trying to get my granddaughter to eat something other than Greek Yogurt and I just marveled and thanked God about  how I am so blessed.  My obedience in believing that God wanted me to fight for our marriage  -- brought forth so many blessings.  Ava is one of them -- what a treat and visual she is to me about

  The Holy Spirit brought this verse to mind  -- this verse in Isaiah...passing through the waters--

It has been a comfort in so many instances over the past 7-10 years. And in during many bleak nights --   God NEVER once....left me.  HE was there with me all the time.

 I think back and can get overwhelmed by thoughts, problems, and hurts...and HE says, I will NOT let them overwhelm you... and HE kept HIS promise.  I did not get burned...scorched...and the flame did not kindle upon me.

 Eight, seven, six years ago, I HATED God's timing.  Today....HIS timing is something I don't understand but I don't HATE it anymore.  It is needed.  I actually relish it -- as I know His timing is His perfected will and plan for me. 

God reminded me today -- of something today. was prompted by the tears of a sweet woman  who came into church late .......but as I prayed and thought today  and as I watched my husband and the other men in my life scarf down some very good spaghetti.....  I thought and asked God --- How can I help?     Timing. 

He brought me to this -- just a reminder or a piece of advice from a woman who has had a little time being married.   My husband and I are heading into our 31st year of marriage!   IN August, the official date is the 15th - we will have our 30th Wedding Anniversary.  I still have this dream that maybe there will be a party -- LOL -- but I am just trying to add a little humor to this blog.  Seriously --   I want to share something I have learned the hard way -- the VERY hard way as I  would relish the advice I would ask of my grandmothers when they were alive and so  perhaps this advice would help another younger wife or one struggling like I did.  

Timing.   We women have the most precious gift of timing.   We can use it to benefit our situations or we can use it to sabotage stuff.  

Let me give you one example.  I remember when our kids were little on a Sunday Morning.  Timing -- I would run around like a chicken with my head cut off making sure each child had the right clothes ready and ironed and then try to get some breakfast in them before it was time to leave for church.  When they were small, there was the  packing  of the diaper bag.... finding the Sunday toy church bag and if I was doing Children's Church I had that stuff gathered as well that needed to be in the car.    It was ALWAYS a hurried morning.  And for MANY years, I would just do it.  I did not ask for help, but usually I was the last one ready or  in the car and  THEN I would get frustrated as it seemed  I took all the extra time for everyone else and never enough time for me.  Can I get a witness?     Then I would vent and it would just cause hard feelings as we drove to church.  Can I get a witness?   

We women have the most precious gift of timing.   We can use it to benefit our situations or we can use it to sabotage stuff. 
  Most often I would just get in the car and put my make up on,  and my husband would want to help me but I never really showed him or explained exactly what I needed done.  I just expected him to know.  But he would always remind me that if I had asked him before he got into the car....or asked him the night before -- he would of gladly helped me.     And he did.  He would  -- but it was not in his nature to think of the 'mommy' stuff and rather than expect it, I needed to be prayerful and teach him to help me. 

Communication was something  we struggled with - often.  Timing.   When could we really talk? 

Here is another example.   When I would get frustrated with my teen-aged children and wanted to vent or correct them -- it would seem that sometimes I would just vent or cross-examine at the wrong time.  Often I would spring something on  them in front of their dad and he would remind me later that he did not appreciate that -- as he had no foresight or knowledge and that perhaps I acted in haste.      But as  time passed, I grew in wisdom ---or  I just realized: If  I TOOK it to GOD first and prayed, God would ALWAYS soften the blow, or prepare those kids.....and just cover me.  Timing.

 We women have the most precious gift of timing.   We can use it to benefit our situations or we can use it to sabotage stuff. 

I learned over the years that I needed God fighting for me.  And I have to add that by the time I figured that out as a young husband did too.  And then I had to figure it out the hard way in my marriage.

Young married couples allow and are more forgiving early in the marriage.  But as time goes on, "it gets old".  The enemy can very easily use the "there she goes again".... whisper to turn a man's thoughts against his wife's.   Communication can become more of a nagging and this can go sour as well.    Timing.

When my man and I were going through some therapy we tackled that communication problem.  We had to establish WHEN it would be ok to talk and discuss stuff.  Our therapist and her husband had morning coffee time.  That was when they would discuss the hard stuff if needed.  They would set an appointment.   My time choice was as my head it the pillow.   When I would finally be able to sleep -- I wanted to chat a bit about stuff  but  THAT was NOT the best time for him.   And it had become a source of contention! 

So we decided as to  WHEN.  We ended up agreeing that if there was something to talk about, we would set an appointment, like a lunch date.  We also have grown into the habit of talking/praying while  in the car as we drive.  We used to do more driving when we lived in our cottage/apartment as we wanted to get out of town, but now that we have a home --  and we have noticed that we have to probably set a new plan into action as we have not been having our  DRIVE CHATS like we used too!!   Anyway -- I digressed -- we had to 'set a time'.  A time we mutually agreed on.  

We women have the most precious gift of timing.   We can use it to benefit our situations or we can use it to sabotage stuff.  

Here is a silly example  - with Ava.  My timing.  We get blessed with her visits every other weekend for right not.  But she is only 19 months and has taken 'strange' a few times and so when I see her - I pray and watch her and if the timing is not right -- I don't get in her face right away and I let her warm up to me.   I have that ability.  I also bribe her -- lol....making sure I bring gifts, I just do.  Our time is precious and short with her and each time I am with her, I want to use my gift of timing to make the most out of our visits.  

 Back to my husband and our marriage -- I have learned it does not pay to try and fuss and MAKE my husband try to understand what I need to chat about or what is bothering me at that moment.  When I totally forget this and express my opinion about a highly charged subject I get so mad at myself as it is never received well and usually he tells me "I am being negative"    What DOES work is for me to TAKE it to God first -- express it in prayer to Him, write out what I really want to need to get across to him and then give it some time before I come to him and say, "hey....can we make a  date again to talk about a few things?   There is something I need to speak to you about."  And  then I let the Lord work on his heart and head..........and give it a few hours or a few days of more prayer and 99.9% of the time -- I get the solution I wanted or needed or he quickly repents or realizes that his words were hurting....or whatever.

And it is not just with the HARD stuff, when he is expressing an idea and immediately I can tell in my spirit that it is not a good idea, I smile and just wait.   Let it sit and pray and when it comes up in conversation again, the Holy Spirit ALWAYS has my best in mind!

 We women have the most precious gift of timing.   We can use it to benefit our situations or we can use it to sabotage stuff. 

 It happened today.  He shared an idea and I instantly knew it was something he was not to be a part of.  But I just let him chat.  And I prayed in my spirit and asked God to handle it - I did not want to tell him "no" -- that God should.     You see -- lately there has been some  extra spiritual warfare all around us.  Well, there is  spiritual warfare around us all the time, but it has been heavy and coming into our marriage lately  because of some highly charged situations and so I have been guarding my marriage and making sure the enemy can't get any foothold.   It - honestly is a daily battle.

The Lord showed me how fervent I was in prayer for my man when we were in crisis but how I have slacked off in the past year cause 'stuff' has been SO GOOD..... and I can see where the enemy is trying his old tricks!   Ladies -- Satan hates us - he hates marriages as this is the most humbling of circumstances and it brings us so close to God -- as two become one.  God can use a healthy marriage and we can be His hands and the enemy is going to attack.   Anyway -- I digressed again ---

I often think of that verse in the bible where it says, "and Mary pondered these things in her heart".  Basically -- KEEP thine MOUTH shut....FIRST!

It is very easy to want to retaliate and fight back and give an excuse or justify our feelings.   Our feelings are real most often.  Our husbands can offend us.  And, when we feel threatened -- it is hard to hold our tongues -- but --- YOU have God on your side so fight through prayer and use His Timing.

We women have the most precious gift of timing.   We can use it to benefit our situations or we can use it to sabotage stuff.   -- Allowing God to be the disciplinarian in your marriage -- gives our men the  ability to save face around us -- let God to the heavy and hard stuff.  

If there is something that is hurting your heart - take it to God, be prayerful and patient and ask your man to 'set a time' where you can talk about a few things.  Try it.  Let God go before you and fight for you -- and trust.   Now -- it will take some courage and obedience to hold that tongue....but if your man is seeking God's will for His life and reading God's Word -- he will change.

Now, if your man is NOT reading God's manual and seeking God -- then THAT is a whole different set of prayers -- but -- God changes does answer  -- and so let's pray --

Lord,  I pray THIS will help a wife out there -- Lord, specifically for the one who was so hurt today, I pray she binds that spirit of fear and allows You to fight for her Lord.  I pray her man will seek God this evening and know and realize that -- his actions of late are probably NOT the best in Your eyes God.    I pray for the husband who seems to have NO clue and continues to hurt his wife -- Lord - OPEN his eyes in the Name of Jesus -- open his eyes to Your truth and open his eyes to see that perhaps he has been placing other gods before him ---   Lord, for the spiritual battles assocated with my present hubby and I -- May YOUR will be done,  May YOUR glory be given and help me to pass through these present waters and not drown....May Your will be done but also -- may we have JOY in this season but also be sensitive to Your Spirit and be salt and light to those You bring to our path.  Lord,  You are our daily bread... for that one who came to church late today -- comfort and hold her.  Lord, for the one who has some very BIG decisions to make about her marriage and her family -- GUIDE her and for the one who just happens upon this blog -- may Your speak to her or him through this and may they just fall on their face before you and seek You for everything, IN Jesus name, AMEN! 

God wins.
Obedience will bring rewards. 
Faith created miracles.  
People CAN change with God. 
There is NOTHING impossible for God!  

Submitted in Christ -- michelle

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