Day 17 and 18, Prayers for a Sister In Christ in Crisis. Being Obedient

If you are reading these -- I apologize as I did not post Day 17.  I just couldn't. - the enemy would of used it for his good.

You see, there was some strife and frustration within my own four walls last night and if I got on the computer and went typing -

 I was obedient and did an act of service for my own husband.   Say what??  ;)

Ok - now that I have your attention -- let me share a bit more:

Last year at the JM Love Life Conference, Beth Moore spoke and said something -- 

Authenticity with all--

 Transparency with Most --

--and Intimacy with Some!! 

So, I am transparent.  And I am transparent with all.  I just am.   That is the way God made me-- if you get to know me and you get close, I get transparent.   I wear my feelings on my sleeve and on my face -- you can tell!!   So often I am misdiagnosed ...if that makes sense, as someone will think I am mad at them and honestly -- I am just focused on another task that I just don't see  that I gave you the resting b___ face or that I somehow gave you a look or even that I seemed to ignore you. 

 I do apologize.  

If you hang around me long enough, you will hear me say, "get over yourself".    And I say that to MYSELF.   And, by the way -- if I do seem to ignore you - call me.  Text me.  Speak up.  Time is too short.  I released the "people pleasing" stronghold to my Lord a year ago.  It is hard, I don't want to hurt or not show respect, but it was such a stronghold and I can't deal.  I need affirmation from God and He alone...and that has to be it. 

For SO long  - I was WAY to centered on myself and now, that still happens -- but I am more aware.  

Back to being transparent - I usually share something that is too  too much, and I get myself in trouble and it hurts .....but I am continually learning.    And I must be authentic.   Prayerfully!   But I realize there is some stuff that YOU Just don't SAY!!   Intimacy with Some!! 

Writing a BLOG or as my dear pastor friend says..."writing epistles" is something that I enjoy, it is my therapy,  and I do believe God uses it for others.  I don't expect my closest  friends, my daughter,  or even my hubby to read each one, I don't even ask;  but  when I know they read one  and it touched them or they respond to  me  with verbal praise -- it is a sweet blessing and affirmation  -- but that is NOT why I write.

  ( It USED to be why..... I mean, seriously, and I have said this before, I had a stronghold of going to this site and recording how many hits it had and how many read it!!)    By the Way, I do have some blogs read by my "editors" before I actually publish them -- to make sure I am being skillful when I type and that it is Holy Spirit.    You see in a time of DEEP crisis for me -- I searched and God brought me to a few blogs -- that spoke LIFE to me.  And reading the hearts of those ladies...ministered to me.  So I am going to believe that mine will be that light for another. 

 I digress....  Blogging  is something that gives me a time to journal and I guess it also puts everything out there.   It gives me perspective too.  That is why I  try to make sure I am not speaking negatives nor am I sharing  my dirty laundry!!   When you step out in faith and begin to truly speak life into others, serve others, and become an intercessor and counseling ear -- it TAKES time.  Just as I would put my kids before my husband when they were young....it is very easy for me to put others in front of my husband.  

Now - mind you -- it is not a pity party for him today on this blog...he had a rough day.  I am just going to tell you -- please say a prayer.  He has been dealing with a tooth,  had to have bone graph surgery --$$ -- twice and then the implant process.  All  was going very well, with much prayer,  but yesterday when the dentist could not get the implant to stick --  the possibility that another surgery will be needed was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Our teeth are important -- Brendan's smile is something that attracted me to him way back in 1981.... in the 9th grade!!   And you may read this and say,  REALLY?? But  there was much disappointment and worry last night and we prayed, and  he was  in pain.   He was also very irritable.  So here is the transparency part --   seeing me counsel or spending time on the phone with a woman in crisis  would of been something the enemy used against me and us.  So, I made him dessert... got him some chocolate milk and "good drugs" and then proceeded to spend the next 3 hours ironing his shirts.  Upstairs, away from him, in prayer for him and watching mindless TV.  

 Yep -- please don't judge me, but that is what I figured  I needed to do.  If he would of heard the tap tap tap on the computer keys - there would of been a "discussion".  Please don't think ill of him -- or me.  Marriage is hard -- when two people really truly live to meet the needs of the other instead of themselves....it is hard.  

However, in what I thought was the BEST thing to do -- he really wanted something else and I failed to recognize it. 

 So when he shut off all the lights and went to bed, I got offended -- !! And I spoke it out.  "Are you really just doing to bed?"    In my head, I explained --  I just ironed  YOUR 15 shirts.  

  Oh Lord, Please Help me...as I share this "little petty spat".... but I want to convey to the women reading this that have a hubby --- to seek God  and ask the Holy Spirit to lead!    I did seek God, and I truly felt that ironing was what was best, but I admit - I did not ask God, "what else could I do for him?".   Or "Lord, am I missing something?"   As I just figured this was what would make him happy as he had just said that morning..."now I have to iron another shirt".  

I guess I am being very transparent on the blog today -- cause I know many look at me and think I have it all together and that we have this PERFECT marriage and we don't have it figured out.  We are smarter now -- have some better  basic communication practices in place to STOP when we know there is a danger...or when the enemy is working on over time to steal, kill, and destroy -- or even distract.......but, I wanted to be transparent. 

 My husband needed physical attention - sex.  There I said it ....and ...well... I was just frustrated from being snapped at back at 4.30 in the afternoon because of a different subject and well....I .....um..... ok.  I am stopping.  Cause I think you get my point.  It is hard to show some loving to your man...when you feelings are hurt.  I see it so often -- God created men differently and their intimacy is sex.  Ours...as women....is all the emotions.  

When we were separated -- I longed for the day when he would want me.   Longed so much that I allowed other idols to meet a need.  Some of the women I have been interceding for are estranged from their husbands  and LONG to have that physical contact and touch....but they are being obedient to their Lord.    God has told me on several occasions -- "get dressed up and show him the attention he craves".   And some of those times, I have argued with God.   Some times I have had to ask God to change my heart and attitude so I can be loving.  Many times....many times... because I was obedient and listened - the BIGGEST blessing was for me!    Ok -- I just read that again and think -- someone could misinterpret this.  So I think it's time to stop.   No marriage is perfect -- but sex and the frequency of it -- is important.    

However -- Sex has become something that is no longer sacred.  It seems it is no longer a big deal to move in with your boyfriend, baby daddy,  or girlfriend, or baby momma and then, expect to be blessed??   This is such an oxymoron.  This topic -- well -- I may have  to stop  here.   This blog maybe should be tagged to those series of prayers I wrote for Parents of Adult children!!  

We have taken the blessing of sex and abused it - simply abused it.  Men and women. 

 In heaven, one day -- everyone will be held accountable.  Girls will be as well as boys... Men as well as women.  God has asked that sex be for the marriage bed.  Period.  Anyone ballsy enough to try and explain why its "ok " for now.... "as we are just trying to get to know each other" - is DEAD wrong.  Children conceived out of wedlock already start the world with the enemy attacking them.  It is so hard to see it ....especially when that child becomes an adult.  I thank God for the ability to rebuke and take authority over those generational curses and turn it around for His purposes. 

 Maybe I am venting a bit too much -- better quit -- but seriously ladies and moms.... speak life and truth to your children.  IT is OK to let them know that living together outside of marriage is NOT in the bible, nor God's plan and foolishly thinking it can be justified IS  just wrong.  I do believe as parents, we will be held accountable for NOT speaking up as well.  

Brendan told me about how he was reading in Joshua yesterday and he spoke of Moses and ALL that Moses did for God -- but you know what ....Moses never saw the promised land.  Why?  Read the book -- but if God did not allow Moses,  who did SO much for God's Kingdom, see the promised land---how can we expect to live in a promised land or be received into the promise land - eternity-- if we are NOT obedient??  

There I said it -- being obedient.  As hard as it is -- we must be.  

There are many of God's children that are not being obedient.  Where is the line when disobedience becomes .....so much......that.... you stop and think?   

I mean -- as a parent, there comes a point when I am done talking. 

 "Child, you will suffer the consequences of your choices".  God can bring beauty out of those consequences....but watching a child walk through the suffering of it -- is hard and it hurts.   And honestly, it is not just the sin of having sex outside of marriage.  There is much that our children need US to speak to them about.  I don't think parenting quits when they become adults.  

Pride.

Unforgiveness.

Unfaithfulness

Malice...hatred.   

I believe the enemy can even use recreational drug use as a stronghold.  I don't see where God has written -- "go ahead do anything that is pleasurable, there will be no consequences".  

 It is not just "sex".  So -- enough -- I think I made my point. Be obedient.  

Lord, this blog was indeed transparent, I pray You will use it for Your glory and that anyone who reads this and wants to gossip will be stuck dead.  NO -- Only kidding.... if you are reading this to the end, I pray you are laughing.  But back to my prayer - Lord -- I thank you for those wives that are being obedient.  I thank you for the young couples that know and understand the stuggle is real but they are seriously SEEKING you to stay celibate until they marry.  Lord, I thank you for the children you blessed me with ...and I am most grateful that I have a man whom I love...I am attracted to and he wants me.  Lord, help me to use this blog for YOUR purposes.  Help me to speak life....

But also -- for the one reading this -- I pray she reads, reflects and asks herself...am I being obedient?  Is there something or someone that needs to hear truth instead of me just ignoring what Your Word says.    Lord, I also pray you will BLESS the socks off today - for all who read this, as they endured my head for at least 6 minutes as they read.  Lord, I am humbled....I feel this blog is not "polished" yet...but it is me and it is You allowing me to believe that obedience brings rewards.  I pray for those young adults who seem to think is "ok"....God only you can save...Holy Spirit only you can convict, but I pray they will not be distracted and wake up as I do believe we are in Your ending season and I want all those around me whom I love to END well...in heaven with MUCH rewards.  In Jesus Holy Name, Amen.