Being honest -- I have been on a prayer vigil all week - getting ready for Girls with Swords ( bible study at church ) and 4 hours prayer/crying at the active shooter drill on Monday -- well, I am at a point this evening where I just don't want to post - I want to quit. And quite frankly - I am tired of praying.
It is my flesh. It wants to quit.
Yesterday I was just too tired to post.
Tonight - I can't sleep -- I sent several prayers to people via emails. I so enjoy writing prayers and then I 'say' them of course too -- but those were not prayers I can share on the blog.
So, tonight my blog post #29 is simple - God - heal - them. Period. In Jesus name. Amen.
I am spent. I just want to quit for a few days.
I found this prayer by Lisa Tykerest. I am not sure if I spelled her name right. But...this was/is me.
Lord God, Whatever my circumstances, I will find reasons to praise You. Even when I feel disappointed by what life brings. I will trust YOU to bring Good out of the bad- No matter what. I will hold on to You and Your truths. My deepest desire is to have more of You in me. And IF I believe that - then I will never be disillusioned. Thank You Lord, for this beautiful reality this eve. Amen.
There has been a lot of disappointments this week.
I do realize that some of the hurts are because of my own actions or the actions of another.
I also claim that some of the disappointments are just life.
And I also know - this is an important week for me - the start of Girls with Swords --and I am being attacked. I am. Just am. I know it.
But my flesh still wants to just hide. Cry. Get away.
And my soul mate's sensitivity chip was malfunctioning. Actually - he is being bombarded by the enemy and I believe that God is allowing some tests -- and it hurts to watch him be 'pruned' a bit but also attacked. But - there needs to be ONLY ONE holy spirit in this home and that Holy Spirit can speak to my man. I have enough listening to do. I need to get out of the way.
I tried to take care of 'what' I could take care of. Prayed about the rest. Believed that HE has every need provided - and I know HE does.
God did give me directions for the remaining prayers to finish these 40 days - strong. I believe that tomorrow I will be better.
I know I was to pray for marriages -- cause again, today, another was attacked - and another was taken advantage of. Which reminded me -- of course SATAN will attack the families -- divided we fall.
I think my flesh wants to just hide and believe -- NO MORE.....where are all the June Cleaver's? Where are the Claire Huxtable's? Where are the godly men?
But, as the prayer I found stated -- I will praise YOU- no matter what.
Lord, I praise you for the women coming tomorrow to our bible study.
Lord, I praise you for providing this ( bible study ) and the planning and how it has come together!
Lord I praise you for my godly man.
Lord I praise you that I CAN pray and believe when others don't.
Lord I praise you that MANY do seek and search you out and they encourage me and pray for me.
Lord I praise you that YOUR word is glorified on this blog.
Lord I praise you - and believe that even though a few marriages around me look bleak and dim...I will NOT give up hope!
Lord, I praise you for loving us THAT much to die for us....YOU truly love us - unconditionally.
Lord, I praise you that -- YOU win.
Lord, I praise you that even when my words are few - I can trust that Jesus is interceding for me and MY heart is being heard -- many words or few - YOU hear!
Lord - I love you.
PS Lord, speak to that heart -- God in Jesus name, I pray they see HOW they are hurting YOU!