Let me explain:
Today, when I wrestled with God and the Holy Spirit - praying and communicating back and forth, I hit several DEAD ENDS. Or ....well....I felt like I wanted to say, "I give up Lord! "
I am really tired and there is a LONG list to pray for -- and many of them are failed relationships, marriages that need a miracle, or boyfriend /girlfriend stuff that needs to just STOP. And I felt like I hit a 'wall'. I no longer knew WHAT to say - WHAT to believe ...as I wanted to just give up.
I prayed. I worked. I read.
I prayed in my Spirit - as THAT is what I know I am to do, according to Eph. 6.18.
I prayed more. I veged out and watched some mindless TV, and then I headed to church.
Obedience....knowing that WHEN I need GOD and a fresh word -- I can seek a community of believers that will LOVE on me, listen to me, and give me a new perspective.
Obedience -- heading to church, when I really would rather just vege on the couch and disappear.
Obedience -- reminding another sister in Christ that she can't change 'him' but can change herself.
Obedience -- being asked to help and then doing that to help serve.
Obedience -- when the Pastor stated he needed more volunteers to serve, I knew I was to go and connect with him ...no longer using the EXCUSE that I 'teach' all day and want to be 'fed' at church. LOL
Obedience. Obedience brings rewards -- blessings.
You can see an obedient faithful warrior -- there is fruit. Galatians and Ephesians.....
And I sought out a sweet sister in Christ and expressed my frustrations. She listened. She encouraged.
And basically -- WHEN WE TRY to figure out God...and when we try to HOLD God in a box...we are limiting God. As she stated, 'when it seems so impossible - THAT is when God swoops in and amazes us'....So I must wait - patiently, prayerfully, and believe that when a situation looks so hopelessly dim....HE is there and HE changes it!
I don't want to limit God. But.... I found that in my spirit - I 'needed' to know -- or I wanted SOME good answers ....as my Pastor said this evening, "I want to WIN, God!"
I can look back at my own life and marriage and KNOW that God wins -- but I wanted it to WIN for her this eve.
I want her to feel less pain - I want her to see something within her husband that she does not see - and maybe just maybe, the love that is lost would be rekindled - I want him to FIGHT for her -- seek counsel - BE WILLING to change.... we all change ...we must be willing to change too -- I want her to understand and realize that she is allowing the pills to dictate her feelings - I want her to apologize - I want him to get caught and stop this insanity - I want them to seek counsel - I want her to believe in herself and not try to use others to get that affirmationI want them to be SO in LOVE with Jesus ..that they will WANT to seek Him...I want her to see the potential within herself and just drop all the crud and crap and be free of it...and just start over - I want her to hold on and yet...send his sorry butt to the cleaners and divorce him - yep - I said that -- I want ...I want ....I want.... can you hear the list within my conversation -- as my sweet sister In Christ stated, "we must lay it at the cross". I apologized to God...as my 'need' or 'idol' to fix things and understand WHAT to do and WHEN is something that I can't do ....I MUST GIVE IT to GOD -- always.
And then the song..."there is hope in front of me". "I might be down but I 'm not dead".....HOPE.... OBEDIENCE -- as for each of those situations -- may each person involved and the ones I did not mention -- may they SEEK GOD and be OBEDIENT TO WHAT HE says to do....as THEN a blessing will come...rewards will flow....stuff will get fixed and healed....and stuff won't need to be prayed for -- as there will be answers...amen.
Obedience, my Pastor reminded me the power is in my sword...HIS WORD that I have hidden within my heart.
Obedience -- I refer back to this often, but it is a mile marker -- a stone in the river... standing tall to remind me of HOW far we have come -- "I will not forsake you!" "show grace and mercy" and " I can be trusted".
Obedience -- seeking God for EVERYTHING within His will.
Many continue to have problems with this word -- as it is pride. When you can't submit to a Spiritual Authority and follow what a mentor or counsel has advised.... you are not being obedient. When you can't sit in a community of believers and place trust within your Pastor -- it is very hard to trust God!
When you are asked to complete a task and it is not done ...you are not being obedient.
I want to be obedient.
I went to church this eve and fell in love with God all over again as I worshiped in song -- I felt HIS Presence mightily!
And of course - Ps. D came through with a word that cut to the core -- it is time to GROW UP!
I admire the fact that he is willing to be transparent -- God shines through his teaching -- but he also claimed the Word himself....we ALL must rise up and be HOLY...time is short. "THIS is not a dress- rehearsal - we only get one life - grow up!"
We are not in a dress rehearsal...we are in the LAST days. We need to grow up ( topic of tomorrow's blog ) and we must be a warrior -- weary warrior - ready for battle.
It is time for us to memorize HIS Word and hide it within our heart.
It is time to USE HIS Word to fight out battles.
It is time to make sure we have a daily bible reading plan or set time -- so that God is our priority!
Lord, this is simple -- for ALL the couples I wanted ANSWERS for today -- they are at your feet.
You went to the Cross - You were obedient - we will follow Your lead as well. I have NO clue Lord, should they stay or leave...should they seek divorce....or should they wait longer? Lord, for all the boyfriends and girlfriends - may they remain pure and clean before you and take the necessary steps to work out of that stronghold! And Lord, the new stuff and some of the old stuff that continues to float in and out of my FB account or text messages. BUT...I don't have to have the answers...I don't HAVE to hear from you - as I know YOU are here and YOU are helping. ( But throw me a new bone...I need some encouragement!) Lord, I am tired...but I know that I know -- YOU are getting the glory or will GET the GLORY! Lord, I trust you and I will obey in everything You ask of me. I won't grow battle weary -- I will grow stronger! - IN Jesus name, Amen.