I share this - and it is rather personal again-- but I believe someone needs to hear this tonight. I pray if you are reading this, you will respect me and my family and not speak about it in Publix - but if you are a woman and wish to speak to me more candidly? .....contact me! I don't counsel with men -- you can contact my husband if you are a man. And I really don't counsel -- I listen, I pray, and then pray with you ....but anyway ----
Like it or not - one of the FIRST questions and discussions we had to have when we started some professional counsel was the 'logistics of sex'. We had been separated and then we were back under one roof. We wanted to try to save our marriage.
At our first session - Dr. Connie began....'Sex....How often was it occurring? Is it still? Is it something you want ..Michelle? Brendan.....?' And then the 'big kid' discussions began. And when we have our 'check up' appointments now every 8-10 months -- THAT is the very first question she asks us both - it is a thermometer!
Sex is a thermometer in a marriage. God created the act and the pleasure that comes with that act.
And I will be blunt - if it is not good -- then see a doctor and do what needs to be done -- to make it good again - seriously ......God did not create 'OK'.....HE created 'FANTASTIC!'........
Women's attention goes to kids, finances, emotional stress, sickness, and strife - we are constantly juggling. A week can pass...a month...even months and a woman can be pretty much 'ok'. Then when a disaster hits -- she seems to be surprised. Woman have sex out of affection. So why have sex with a man that is not being affectionate -- or making you angry, disappointed, overworked, or unsupported. For the men - sex is a pure need. Everything gets clouded if that need is not met -- but I also believe that those roles can be reversed. Why wouldn't the enemy use sex to steal, kill, and destroy and break up a home - a family......THAT is what he does ---
We went to a sexologist/family crisis therapist. She is wonderful and she loves God and is pro - marriage, but she was also very realistic and forthright -there were many sessions where I did not like her - at all! I won't or can't get into everything. It is tough, opening your heart and baring your hurts to another -- believing that maybe perhaps she can give some insight and yet, many times she just opened new areas of conversation and perspectives. But, she taught us some very good tools to communicate better - and speak to each other with respect. And... I am being honest - sex did not seem to be our problem -- and yet, we still had to discuss it and set new ground rules as, we were trying to mend a severed bond.
There is a book called Love and Respect that is VERY good -- and it talks about the ' crazy cycle'. There is a book called "Everyman's battle" and there is an "Every woman's battle"...and then there is a book by Dave Carder called "Torn Asunder" --- all EXCELLENT resources for a Christian man or woman trying to seek some help and counsel when a marriage is in trouble. But I would seek YOUR own Pastor and his wife -- ASAP for guidance and direction!
Anyway -- back to the 'sex'....
If you and your husband are not having sex.....there is something wrong -- period. End of story.
It is what it is. I am just saying. Unless you have both decided to abstain for a time - for prayer and fasting on some matter -- God's word says, "do not deprive one another except with the consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer: and come together again so that Satan does not temp you because of your lack of self-control" ( 1 Corinthians 7: 4-5) Sex between a man and a woman is God's idea -- HIS idea....Sometimes, we really can't keep doing the SAME stuff all the time. I mean, the definition of insanity is 'doing the same thing over and getting the same results'. In our case, we had been married 23 years ....and there was a break in our marriage vows - so we had to start over. And we had to rethink and re look at many aspects of our marriage and our 'routines'.
Now -- because of that heartache and crisis of faith - I had a little more motivation to change it up and see things from a different perspective. And I was open to WHAT God wanted to change in me.
Now - the MAJORITY of those changes had NOTHING to do with sex --but sex - as I said it an important part of being one. One flesh.
So, tonight's prayer is for a couple -- to guard their sex life if it is good, or maybe to restore it if it is bad. It is a prayer that I found in my "Power of a praying wife" book -- and I adjusted it a bit.
I am going to pray it and say it..... to the couples that God has laid heavy on our hearts -- but truth be told, God revealed another couple to us again - that need prayer.
If this blog is you -- please read and say this prayer as if YOU were writing it --